Remember: "Faith Is Believing..."

"Faith is believing in things even when common sense
 tells you not to."

This is my definition of faith, borrowed from the movie "Miracle on 34th Street".  It remains, for me, one of the most practical and simple ways to understand the concept,  I have yet to hear a better one.

Movie Clip:  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2sjRRcONOc


Although simplistic in nature, it can be quite difficult to keep believing all of the time,  Let's face it, real life can get in the way of faith, especially in adulthood.

We may not have the relationship, the job, toy  or whatever it is we so want, After all, even the real Santa Claus, (as exemplified in the movie), cannot do everything,

However, we must not lose faith, belief and our sense of wonderment in all that we can become and have, if we work for it.  The truth: Much of the work is ours to do. "Faith without works, is dead."

We can "Think, Feel and Do" our way into becoming the best we can be and thus, become capable of living and enjoying life to the fullest. This, as with any other endeavor, requires faith and belief, in  ourselves, first and foremost!

For your consideration, below is a list of some more of my favorite quotes regarding faith, (non religious in nature):

Michelangelo: "Achieving anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Faith in oneself… is the best and safest course."

Martin Luther King, Jr.: "Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

Eleanor Roosevelt: "He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more; He who loses faith, loses all."

Richard M. Devos: "The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible."

Elizabeth Barrett Browning: "If you desire faith, then you have faith enough."

Of course, having faith alone is not enough as it is said,"Faith without works is dead" is also a truism. We must learn to be our own Santas; active participants in the process of our lives.

Believing in ourselves, we can "Think, Feel and Do" better and thus enjoy our lives more fully.

Faith comes from your heart. May you keep yours near and dear in all endeavors. Keep believing and doing the work required and you too will find happiness, which itself is success.

There is no doubt  these last couple of years have been especially difficult for many us, however, if you really take a look back, I believe you may also see some positives.

Remember, "Faith is believing when common sense tell us not to". Try to keep and work towards this type of faith, this Holiday Season, and throughout the coming year.

This year, let us be grateful for all we have in our lives and have the faith, belief and willingness to make next year even better, in all areas of our lives.

Wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season.

Victoria

Positive Adaptation - An Overview (reprint)

“Just when the caterpillar thought
it was over,




it became a butterfly”

The answer to “Now what?”, "I am just not 'happy' or "Is this it, is this all there is?", is Positive Adaptation, (PA). Whatever the the situation, problem or issue, we must ask ourselves a different question: “How am I going to emerge from this day, a 'healthier' and 'happier' person, more ready and able to truly enjoy all that life has to offer!

We need to dig deep and discover our best selves, develop new coping skills which will in turn greatly improve our lives and overall optimal well being right now and in the future.

Positive Adaptation, (PA), is a choice, a decision, way of living and handling life’s most sensitive issues. When PA becomes integrated into your life you will have more positive feelings and attitudes and as a result, more positive outcomes. Remember: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is just another form of self-sabotage. Positive Adaptation is the answer to this perplexing pattern of thought, feeling and behavior, until now, many of us have learned and practiced throughout of lives.

Literature or discussions of positive adaptation have historically been associated with positive psychology and/or traumatic events therapy. I propose a much more universal and expanded version which can be applied to everyday living. Thus, 'Positive Adaptation' emerged.

'Positive Adaptation' is: one part thinking, one part feeing and one part doing, (action). The trick is discovering how to utilize all three, not necessarily in this particular order. All three parts must be implemented throughout the process to achieve optimal positive results.

Incorporating Positive Adaptation into our daily lives is simple, but admittedly, not always easy. It takes practice and time, but it can be done! I am living proof.  I and many others have already made the choice to positively change, so can you! Life is to be lived and enjoyed, not merely survived or feeling as if you only exist.

Offering images, quotes, analogies, feel good music and personal examples, this blog will explain what Positive Adaptation is and how it works. 

It is never to soon or too late to become who you are meant to be and enjoy life to it's fullest!

Today, let us all choose to have greater positive feelings about ourselves and on our outlook on life. Just take the time to look around..... it is a wonderful world and we are part of it.

Let's begin anew today.
Victoria

(For those of you who have previously read this overview, please just consider it a gentle reminder.)

(Photos by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan)

Summer Break

I am on summer break!

Please, feel free to read the posts below or go through my archived posts, and pick a few to re-read for inspiration and motivation.

I hope you enjoy your summer as well!

Victoria

"What Matters Most is How You See Yourself"

http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/04/what-matters-most-is-how-you-see.html

"Enjoy The Challenge"

http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/06/enjoy-facing-challenges.html

"Ruby Slippers"

http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/04/ruby-slippers.html

"Learning to Dance In The Rain"

http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/05/learning-to-dance-in-rain.html

It's In The Journey

It's the Journey.....not the destination.

You probably have heard this one a million times.

But do you really believe it?  Do you live your life this way?

It is the journey that matters most because the destination may always be changing.  Life is really just one big journey with many crossroads along the way.

Many of us feel these are 'some scary times' we live in. We often find ourselves full of fear, anger and doubt.

Today, we can choose a different path. A path which will help us move forward on our journey successfully and one where we will find ourselves looking back, only to realize we came through it all, feeling, thinking and doing, 'better' than ever before.

At this crossroad, let us take a moment to be still, take a deep breath and  look around at the all the beauty in our lives, feel gratitude for all we do have and know in our hearts, WE will be okay.  

Enjoy this quiet, peaceful, resting place. We all deserve a break once in a while.

So go ahead.... allow yourself this one.

Happy New Year!

Victoria

Don't Settle, Only Compromise

"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for."
~ Maureen Dowd, N.Y. Times

I define settling as: accepting the unacceptable.  Oddly enough, many of us seem to continually rationalize, (especially in our relationships), lowering our standards of what is acceptable to us, (having our needs and most of our wants met), until at some point, we are so miserable and find out what we have settled for.  And we wonder how we got here.

I am completely in favor of compromise.  Compromise is defined: as the result of a process of communication and give and take, we mutually agree to make concessions so that all parties feel it is fair and equitable.

Sure, we may have to give something up, but we are doing so in an effort to get our needs and wants met and help others do the same.

We generally do not find ourselves miserable when the art of compromise is used. No, that misery is left for those who settle for less than having their needs and most of their wants met.

We can all do better.  Once you believe in yourself and understand that you are worth more, you too can learn the art and benefits of compromise.  Will we always get what we need and want, (especially from other people), probably not. This is when acceptance and Positive Adaptation are very helpful.

Life is too short to "settle".  Today, find where you may be settling for less than you need, want or deserve and apply compromise to the situation.  You will "Think, Feel and Do" better for it.

Make it a great one!
Victoria

Slow Down - Feelin Groovy

"Slow down, you're movin' too fast, you got to make the morning last.

Just kickn' down the cobblestones, looking for fun and feelin' groovy"

 ~ Simon & Garfunkel

As the pace of life has sped up so fast, for most of us, let us try, (each day), to remember the words above.

Many people expect their actions to have immediate and positive results. Unfortunately, that is not how it generally works, especially with emotions, (yours or those of others).

Time, alone, does not change much. However, time, with more positive, consistent behaviors and attitudes, does!

I am not suggesting that we stop positively changing and growing, only that we slow down and enjoy the process a bit more.  

It is in this time of reflection and celebration that I find I enjoy and celebrate myself, others, and life in general, much more.

This is when I feel most "groovy"!

Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.

Victoria

Positive, Healthy Personal Boundaries (Part Two)

Positive, healthy personal boundaries are like fences. They are there to protect us from harm while at the same time, allow us to feel free to be our best selves, find the peace and happiness we seek. 

However, they are not walls, which are built with the purpose of allowing nothing, (nor anyone), to get in or out. The 'right' boundaries will not serve to isolate us from others, rather, they allow us to fully enjoy positive relationships and situations.

As stated in "Part One", a vital key to keeping balance in your life is found through the process of developing and maintaing healthy personal boundaries in all areas.

Positive Adaptation proposes we become our best selves and enjoy life to the fullest, both personally and professionally. Therefore, making changes to pre-existing, developing and maintaing new, healthier boundaries is one way in which we can achieve this goal.

How to set the best boundaries for yourself:

1. Acknowledge to yourself you have the right to want and need your own set of positive, healthy personal boundaries.

- Remind yourself this is part of any healthy self-care program and enables you to be the best you can be. You are your own person, as defined by you, (not others).

2. Examine where you feel yours are being crossed.

- We usually can feel it. We can get angry, resentful, sometimes sad; we know when something isn't right. The cause is often allowing others to cross our boundaries without our invitation or consent to do so.

3. Trust and believe in you and the boundaries you set.

- Trust and believe in yourself enough to know what you need and want, (or don't), and settle for nothing less.

4. Effectively communicate these boundaries honestly and clearly, to all to whom they apply.

- "Say what you mean and mean what you say." Our boundaries can be expressed without hostility. State them when needed and stand by them. (Remember to  allow others the same right.)

5. Learn to say, "No", without guilt.

- This is the most difficult one for many of us, I believe. We need to recognize that, (generally, non emergencies), other people's needs and wants are NOT more important than our own.

We cannot take care of anyone else, unless we are taking care of ourselves, first. (For more, read my post titled "Put Your Mask On".)

The most important person who needs to respect your boundaries is You! If you don't take responsibility for them, protect and enforce them, no one else will either. 

Remember, others have their own boundaries which need to be respected as well.

You are seeking progress not perfection. When we reexamine and reset our boundaries we are taking care of, protecting and improving our relationships, with ourselves and others.

Whether it be personal, family or professional relationships or any other situations, positive; healthy personal boundaries help keep our joy safe and sound.

To your boundaries and joy....

Victoria

Remembering on Father's Day, (and everyday)!

Dad, Opa, Professor, General, (Ret.)

Bernard H. Baum

It has been 9 years since my father died, yet it feels like yesterday. Every Father's Day, I remember this saying: "Death ends a life, not a relationship." How true!

We are blessed to know, love and be loved by such special people. We do not need forget or get over them, rather, we ought to remember and embrace all that we shared. After all, is not this the way to truly honor them and the relationship we share?

My Oma, (his mother, my grandmother), as a small child, once told me, in attempt to explain death, "The people you love and who love you, never really die because you carry them in your heart.  In fact, every time you speak kindly of them, share a memory or story about them, you spread their spirit to others and that is what keeps them alive in yours, and others, hearts."

There are so many stories, things he used to say, (we call them "Bernie or Opa isms"), and ways in which he is still with all he knew and loved. He said, "Anyone can be a "parent", but a "Dad" is built, one experience after another."

Today, I will celebrate my father and the wonderful relationship WE LEARNED to have by honoring and cherishing the good memories and make a point to share them with others. 

Tell that someone special in your life today that you love them!  Give them a big hug.  Remember someone special today that is gone.  I promise, you will both feel better for it.

He used to say, "I am blessed".  No Dad, we were all blessed.

Victoria

(Proud and loving daughter)

"You Can and WIll"

Do your best; take it as it comes. 
You can handle anything if you think you can. 
Just keep your cool and your sense of humor.
    ~Smiley Blanton, M.D. (1882-1966) American Psychiatrist

One of my father's sayings was: "You can and you will". 

This taught me that to make changes and obtain ones' goals: Attitude is Everything!

The best teaching tool of this concept can be found by reading, (again), Oh, The Places You Will Go,  by Dr. Seuss.  

Choose To "Restart"

When a computer application is running slowly or continues to cause problems, don't you eventually force it to quit and restart your system? 

When we are having a "bad day" or feel we need to head in another direction, we can come to the same conclusion and internally: Restart.

We can restart our day anytime we choose. Through Positive Adaptation, we can 'Think, Feel and Do' better about ourselves and our lives. When needed or desired: realize it is time to take a moment, take a few cleansing breaths and press your own "restart" button.  I have found this method quite effective for myself.

I understand that change, of any kind, can be scary, however, there are also times when remaining in your status quo may appear equally as frightening, if not more so.

I have made, (and continue to), make positive changes in my own life and I assist others to do the same. Restarting is one of several tools I use and find it not only helps myself, but additionally, those around me.

You can decide to do this anytime you want or need to, as many times as you feel is necessary. You will 'Think, Feel and Do' better and be happier. In time, you will discover you are positively changing the direction of your entire life.  Integrating the choice to restart is one of the greatest gifts you can give, (and receive), yourself.

Today, make the decision when needed, take the actions to 'Think, Feel and Do' better and allow yourself to be feel better about yourself and your life.

No day needs to start, continue all day and end a "bad day".
Remember, you have your own restart button.

Victoria

Standing In Your Truth

Are You.....

Standing In Your Truth.

"What does that really mean" you ask?  Well, for starters, try asking yourselves the questions below:

1. Who am I, really? (Now, today, not who I used to be or who others told me I was.)
2. Am I even aware of my current thoughts, feelings and behavioral  patterns?
3. Are any of them,( #2's), no longer useful, or worse, now harmful to me? 
4. Have I considered how I will learn to make the necessary changes, in myself, so that I may break these old and harmful patterns?
5. In what ways would I better experience life, love and most especially, become my Authentic Self, when I do?
6. Am I ready to 'Stand In My Truth' and begin the process of living in real and sustainable positive change?

If the answer to #6 is a resounding YES, then, please, stick with it.

Stand in your truth, as this is the only place true personal freedom is found.

Please review some of my older posts, (archived), on this blog.  Choose a few titles that may catch your eye or appear to address the change you seek and please, read on.

After doing so, please go back and ask yourselves these same 6 questions again.

I absolutely believe once you do, you too will see, many of the ways in which we can make positive changes in ourselves that lead us to living and enjoying life to its' fullest!

Enjoy the moments. The very best ones are when you are standing in your truth and may very well be 'yet to come'.

Victoria

Keep Your Balance - How and Why

"Life is a great balancing act." ~ Dr.Seuss

We do not have to wait until we have lost our balance, completely, to find it. The key to keeping your balance is to  first acknowledge you may be feeling a bit wobbly. 

Consider yourself a gymnast on the balance beam of life. Have you ever watched what they do when they realize they are losing their balance? They start to wobble, then their arms start to flail around, all in an effort to regain control, find their center and solid footing, back on that beam.  Do they ever fall off the beam, sure, sometimes, but please take note: they always get back up and try again. 

We do have a lot to balance in our lives: family, friends, work, financial concerns, community and personal, 'me', time. It is simple but not so easy! We can only decide to do our best by continually trying to find our center, keep our balance and stay up on that beam.  

When our lives are in balance we feel better, our self esteem and sense of worth is higher, our relationships are at their best and it is here we find our greatest joy and true happiness. This is what living life to the fullest is all about!

Positive Adaptation can assist you: 'Think, Feel and Do'. We can begin by prioritizing, placing in a healthy order, our needs and wants; they are not the same. Think and feel about each one; which are your highest priorities, why and when you discover what is what and who is who... DO something about it.  A balance beam is always just a balance beam, things don't change, we do. 

Discover where your center is and you will have found your balance. The good news is you already possess what you need. It is already inside you waiting to be found and utilized, (see older post "Ruby Slippers').  

Albert Einstein said: "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving".  We are human so we may indeed lose our balance and fall off once in a while.  

Let's make the decision to keep moving forward to our place of balance as this is where our happiness lies.  If we get wobbly, we will just keep at it!

"And will we succeed? 98  3/4% Guaranteed!"   From: "Oh The Places You Will Go", by Dr. Seuss, my pick for greatest 'self help' book ever written.

Make it a great one,

Victoria

Today Is Your Day! (The Rest and Best-Part 2)

"Today Is Your Day..."

"Oh The Places You Will Go"    
~ Dr. Seuss

Today is the day, the only one we have to become our best selves. Remember, it is never too late to become who you are meant to be and to enjoy life to the fullest. Let us begin anew, today!

Positive Adaptation teaches us that we all have the power, within us, to 'Think, Feel and Do' better. Whether the improvement sought is personal, professional, relational, financial or a combination, PA offers a guide, a way of living which assists us in finding and maintaining the healthy balance we seek.

(Read Positive Adaptation - An Overview at: http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/02/positive-adaptation-overview.html)

Positive Adaptation is a simple concept, however, not always easy in daily practice. Our patterns of 'Thinking, Feeling and Doing' are generally learned early on in life and all too often become ingrained, first nature to us. We must choose to identify the patterns that, to date, have not been working for us and then discover new, better ways to handle whatever life challenges are presented us. We have everything we need to do so, now, already within us.

Just because 'that is the way it has always been' does not mean that is the way it always has to be. Change requires courage, even when the change is for the better. We have to learn to walk through any fears we may have, as not doing so keeps us where we have always been. I love how simply Susan Jeffers's stated how to work through fear: "Feel the fear and do it anyway."

The way to achieve change is not to go around it or in avoiding it. The only way to achieve our best selves is having the courage to go through change.

Life is to not to be survived or merely existed. Life is to be experienced, savored and enjoyed. Why would we choose to settle for a 'status quo' that has not lead us where we wanted to go when we can do better?

Empower yourself! Make the decision to 'Think, Feel and Do' your best today. "You have brains in your head and feet in your shoes. You can decide which direction to choose."

This brings me to what I believe is the greatest 'self help' book written to date, (as I have yet to publish mine), Dr. Suess's "Oh The Places You will Go."

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...

be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray

or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,

you're off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So...get on your way!

---Dr. Seuss


Today is your day, enjoy it!
Victoria

Put Your Mask On First

Place your oxygen mask

on first......

Have you ever been on an airplane and watched a flight attendant, (or now, a video), demonstrate the "oxygen mask procedure"? They always instruct you to place your mask on yourself first before helping anyone else with theirs. Always.  They never say, "Of course this is really selfish of you, but hey, what the heck".  No, they go on to explain even if you are traveling with your own child, you must put your mask on first so you will be able to help them with theirs.

I used to think to myself, "No way! I am going to help my child first." That is until I really understood the logic and the difference between acting selfishly and practicing self care.  

Simply defined, selfish is being concerned only with yourself to the exclusion of others.  Self care is being actively concerned about yourself AND others. In practicing self care we are including ourselves in our list of most important people and others will benefit too. 

Many of us make attending to the needs and wants of others first a way of life. This just comes naturally to us. Like blinking, we may not even realize we are doing it. We may be born caretakers, worriers, controllers or just innately nurturing. There are times this may prove to be harmful to us, in many ways, if we are not taking care of ourselves. 

That is until something happens.  We may have feelings which have been building up for a long time.  Yet, it seems as if all of a sudden, we experience anger, sadness, resentment, anxiety, frustration, feel completely drained and/or become physically ill.  It is only then that we realize we have reached our own breaking point.  We have given so much of ourselves to others but not enough to ourselves.  As a result, now we 'cannot breathe'. Two of the most commonly used terms to describe this crisis state are "caregiver stress" and "burnout".

If we cannot breathe  how much help can we really be to anyone else? We must always remember to put our mask on first so that we can be there for ourselves and others. I came to embrace this way of thinking as not being selfish at all, but rather, participating in my own self care program.

I am a mother, a wife, a sibling, a friend, a volunteer, a blogger and a practicing therapist. I was also the adult child of aging parents, (now deceased), and openly admit I have suffered from caregiver stress in the past.

I have come to understand that to be the best I can be, (at any or all of these roles), I must take care of myself and allow others to help me ,as well.  

Believing in self care is not selfish.  It is the only lasting way to be of service to myself and others.

I hope you will consider putting your mask on first too!

Victoria

Love Is Like A Flower

“Love is like a flower, and, like the body, 
it needs constant feeding. 
The mortal body would soon be emaciated
and die if there were not frequent feedings.
The tender flower would wither and die
without food and water. 
And so love, also, cannot be expected
to last forever unless it is continually
fed with portions of love, 
the manifestation of esteem and admiration,
the expressions of gratitude, 
and the consideration of unselfishness.” 
    ~ Spencer W. Kimball

Joy Works From The Inside Out

"Joy works from

the inside out."

~ V. Baum

Authentic joy is independent of external factors or circumstances. Joy originates from the core within us. We may not be capable of choosing all external factors which effect our lives, however, we can choose how we respond to them. Let us choose to be joyful.

Nothing outside of us can make us feel joyful. We will not find joy if sought from such things as the amount of money we make, the material items we collect or being around the 'right' people. To achieve genuine 'success' we must first choose to live a life of joyfulness. "The closer you come to your core, the greater is your joy." ~Torkom Saraydarian

I appreciate how Oprah Winfrey states what joy means: "I define joy as a sustained sense of well being and internal peace - a connection to what matters."

But what really matters to us? The answer to this question requires that we dig deep within ourselves to discover our core truth. We must reevaluate and learn, (through Positive Adaptation), who we really are now, who and what matters most to us and who we want to become.

As we age and experience life's transitions it is natural to experience changes in our priorities as well. When we discover a healthy balance; one where our thoughts, feelings and actions are in harmony, it is only then we find the kind of joy that is reflected in our new priorities. Becoming our best selves offers us the opportunity to gain the wisdom of what really matters to us and therefore, be joyful.

A significant part of obtaining and sustaining a life filled with joy comes from learning to live in the present moment. Joy is found in this day; as yesterday is over and tomorrow has yet to arrive. Living in the day insures us we will not miss a minute of joy available to us.

No real success exists without joy. If you want a true measure of your success in any particular area of your life, you can easily assess it by measuring the amount of joy you are feeling as result of what you are doing, have, etc. . Keep in mind... joy works from the inside out.

A joyful life can be yours! 'Think, Feel and Do' it. You already have everything you need. Joy is inside of you just waiting to be felt, experienced and shared.

May you be joyful today.

Victoria

Living in Harmony

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." ~ Mahatma Gandi

Positive Adaptation is about achieving harmony, obtaining and sustaining a healthy balance, in all areas of life. Living a life in harmony clears the path to our being our best and enjoy life to the fullest.

We must learn to 'say what we mean, mean what we say and do as we say we will'. We cannot expect to feel harmonious if we are being dishonest with ourselves, nor can we expect much more from others than we are willing to do ourselves. We only have the power to achieve this harmony in our own lives, although when we do so, we are much more likely attract others who tend to live in the same manner.

With honesty comes a certain type of peace, as we do not have to use as much of our energy up trying to keep the stories we tell straight in our minds, hanging on to the feelings in our hearts which we are not sharing or regretting actions we may or may not have taken.

I am not suggesting that we behave like children, who have yet to fully develop appropriate 'filters'. We cannot say or do whatever we feel like, whenever we feel like, without regard for how it may effect others. We must learn to process all thoughts, feelings and actions in an effort to develop maintain the healthiest filters. This process allows harmony and peace to flow in and remain in our daily lives.

Life is all about relationships; with ourselves and others. Whether it be a personal or professional one, maintaining a high level of integrity between or thoughts, feelings and actions assists us in having the healthiest relationships possible. I find it takes much more effort to 'keep all the balls in the air' when deception of any form is involved.

We have a lot going on in our lives; family, work, school and social interactions. It can be difficult to maintain a sense of healthy balance in all areas, especially if we did not have the best of examples to learn from. I can tell you from personal and professional experience the goal of living in harmony and balance is most certainly an obtainable one. If I could learn how, you can too.

We cannot change what we do not know or understand, therefore, we must first discover who we really are in order to learn what aspects ourselves we need to change. Great strides in achieving an acceptance of how we came to be who we are can be gained through examining and reflecting upon the older patterns in our life, (see previous posts on Patterns).

However, the goal of Positive Adaptation is not to live in the past, rather it is to understand it to the best of our ability. When we do so, true change happens. We become capable of really experiencing all life has to offer and we live richer, fuller, happier lives in the present.

Positive Adaptation's goal is to learn to 'Think, Feel and Do' our best and become our best selves, the one we can and are meant to be. We are able to lay our heads down at the end of the day and fall to sleep peacefully when we know that our thoughts, feelings and actions were indeed in harmony throughout the day.

'Think, Feel and Do' in harmony today and may you feel the happiness which comes from doing so.

Thank You and I Love You

Thank you

and

I love you too!

My father, a man who said it was best to have "Smiling eyes and laughing lips", also taught me "It’s the little things in life that really matter." Bernard, (aka: Bernie, Dad, Professor, Opa and The General), a man who did indeed have 'smiling eyes and laughing lips', was also known to say when speaking of his life, (especially of his four children), “I am blessed!”

On this, my first real Father’s Day without him, (as last year it was just days after his death and too early to even begin to process), I say, “Dad, I was blessed to have had you.”

This post is not intended to be sad, in fact, quite the opposite. For all, who like me, have lost their beloved Dad’s, let us remember today all the love, support and pride they so freely showed us, the knowledge they imparted upon us and the wonderful example they set for us. Today, let us all say “Thank you and I love you.”

Last week, I spoke with a group of CEOs, many of whom stated that their fathers were always working and were rarely there, were alcoholics, suffered from other mental health issues or were just not in their lives at all. They asked me how they could learn to reconcile themselves to the past and create balance to obtain and sustain, a successful business and family life, in the future.

I explained to the group that Positive Adaptation is a way of life; including these three principles: 'Think, Feel and Do’ better, become the best you, you can possibly be and therefore, you will enjoy life to the fullest.

In response to their specific question, my answer was and is, "Be the example you wished you had had. First, you must identify what it is you felt you needed and wanted, however did not get, change this pattern in your own life, now and freely share all this positivity and wisdom with your own children."

For all of you who grieve for the father you never had, let today be a day of celebration for the person you are now becoming and the Dad you can or have become, (the one you wanted and needed yourself). And please, do not forget to hug your children and tell them you love them, often. I guarantee you and your children will feel and be better for having done so.

To all who have become Dad’s to children who have different 'biological' fathers, I salute you! You are a blessing to both the kids and their mothers. You are a great source of love, pride and worldly knowledge that otherwise might not be present in their lives. You give and share so much. Know you are greatly needed and are appreciated.

As Father’s Day is a special day to honor our Fathers/Dads, I believe the best gift I could ever give my father was a big hug and the knowledge that I am, indeed, happy, healthy, being the best I can be and enjoying life to the fullest. Well, Dad, I am proud to tell you, (and the world), I am today and I am teaching my son to Be and Do the same. Thank you for teaching me that even 'late bloomers', can and do eventually blossom and that no matter what, one should never give up on themselves. I know you never lost faith in me and you helped me to have faith in myself too.

Through Positive Adaptation, we can all learn to ‘Think, Feel and Do’ better and enjoy life to the fullest.

Today and everyday, I say “Thank you, Dad. I love you too!"

To learn more about my own father, please read: http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/05/rich-full-colorful-life.html This waltz is for you now and always....

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

(Thank you for capturing the moments!)

Enjoy Facing Challenges

"I live in solutions, not problems.  I enjoy the challenge." 

~ Victoria Baum

The first sentence of the book "The Road Less Travelled" is "Life is difficult". How difficult depends upon our willingness to adopt a better attitude and use a different set life problem solving skills. Life is not nearly as difficult when we choose to view all problems, (hence forth referred to as situations), as a challenge; an opportunity for positive growth. Facing the challenge of doing so offers us the ability to be the best we can be and live life to the fullest.

There is no mountain too high to climb, whether it be personal or professional. Ergo, there is no situation, however dire it may appear or feel at the time, that we cannot find at least one viable solution to. Utilizing the three principles of Positive Adaptation: 'Think, Feel and Do', will assist you. In fact, rather than shy away from them, you will find yourself enjoying facing challenges. ("You can get it if you really want" -click play button above to listen to the song.)

The first step is to Think of whatever challenge faces you as a puzzle that can and will be solved, rather than an insurmountable problem. Admittedly this step sounds obvious and simplistic, but not so easily done. How we think coming into a situation may very well determine its outcome. Think and believe, "Yes, I can, if I really want to."

When we Feel and believe there will be a positive outcome it is much more likely to occur. When problem solving or facing any challenge, fear is not our ally. Courage, (from the French word for heart, coeur) is required, therefore, we must feel we have it to act with it. One definition of courage I am known to use often, I borrowed from Susan Jeffers: "Courage is being willing to feel the fear and do it anyway". 

The third principle of Positive Adaptation, 'Do', is vital as no solution can be found if the challenge of finding one is not met. No matter how much faith we may have, "Faith without works is dead." Merely thinking about and feeling you can climb the mountain does not get you where you want to go, the top! Remember: self esteem grows every time we take positive action. 

The principles of Positive Adaptation work for any situation, (formally referred to as 'problem'), whether they be emotional, physical or situational, in nature. 

I know this to be true, as I use Positive Adaptation to face my own challenges. Why do I make the decision to live in the solution, because it really is easier and I enjoy the challenge!  

Hoping you will learn to as well...

Victoria