Saturday, November 20, 2021

What Matters Most Is How You See Yourself! (Reprint)


What Matters Most
Is How You See
Yourself!



"No one can make you feel inferior without
 your permission"  ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Why then do we, all too often, give our permission and allow others to  make us feel badly about ourselves? Remember, painful as it may be to admit, they are not doing it to us, we are allowing them.  

We are in all types of 'relationships'; be they personal, professional or social, with people who we allow to diminish our own sense of self worth. In fact, we often seem to seek out these 'types'. Why?

We need to be honest with ourselves and identify the patterns of how we let these people into our lives, worse yet, once we realize their toxic effect, allow them to stay. Whether we have done so consciously or unconsciously, out of a sense of duty or obligation, the results are still the same: we feel poorly about ourselves and are unhappy. We must stop seeing ourselves through their eyes and begin to see ourselves as the best person we can be.


I suggest we allow it no more. Now is the time to learn to give ourselves permission to think, feel and do 'better'. This is the essence of 'Positive Adaptation'. Please look at the picture above once more and then you decide who do you want to be, the cat, the lion or a healthy combination of the two.

I am not suggesting that what others think or say to and about us may not offer some valuable insights.  What I am saying is that first we must consider the source. Do they really have our best interests at heart?  If so, wonderful, if not, we ought to stop listening immediately.

We need to discover who we are and who we are not, who we want to become and what are our true needs and wants are.  What will make us think and feel 'better' about ourselves? What can we do to find ourselves living 'happier', more satisfying lives, enjoying mutually satisfying relationships.

It may sound like a daunting task however this is the only way to break our old, unhealthy patterns, once and for all. The answers lie within all of us.

Let us stop giving our permission to others to feel like inferior beings. Instead, let us begin to give permission to ourselves to think, feel and do our way into being the best we know we can be.

FYI: I see myself as both a cat and a lion, it depends on what the situation calls for.  I am adaptable.

What matters most is how you see yourself. Feel free to let me know!
Victoria


Tuesday, November 9, 2021

Positive Adaptation - An Overview (reprint)


“Just when the caterpillar thought
it was over,




it became a butterfly”




The answer to “Now what?”, "I am just not 'happy' or "Is this it, is this all there is?", is Positive Adaptation, (PA). Whatever the the situation, problem or issue, we must ask ourselves a different question: “How am I going to emerge from this day, a 'healthier' and 'happier' person, more ready and able to truly enjoy all that life has to offer!

We need to dig deep and discover our best selves, develop new coping skills which will in turn greatly improve our lives and overall optimal well being right now and in the future.

Positive Adaptation, (PA), is a choice, a decision, way of living and handling life’s most sensitive issues. When PA becomes integrated into your life you will have more positive feelings and attitudes and as a result, more positive outcomes. Remember: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is just another form of self-sabotage. Positive Adaptation is the answer to this perplexing pattern of thought, feeling and behavior, until now, many of us have learned and practiced throughout of lives.

Literature or discussions of positive adaptation have historically been associated with positive psychology and/or traumatic events therapy. I propose a much more universal and expanded version which can be applied to everyday living. Thus, 'Positive Adaptation' emerged.

'Positive Adaptation' is: one part thinking, one part feeing and one part doing, (action). The trick is discovering how to utilize all three, not necessarily in this particular order. All three parts must be implemented throughout the process to achieve optimal positive results.

Incorporating Positive Adaptation into our daily lives is simple, but admittedly, not always easy. It takes practice and time, but it can be done! I am living proof.  I and many others have already made the choice to positively change, so can you! Life is to be lived and enjoyed, not merely survived or feeling as if you only exist.

Offering images, quotes, analogies, feel good music and personal examples, this blog will explain what Positive Adaptation is and how it works. 

It is never to soon or too late to become who you are meant to be and enjoy life to it's fullest!

Today, let us all choose to have greater positive feelings about ourselves and on our outlook on life. Just take the time to look around..... it is a wonderful world and we are part of it.

Let's begin anew today.
Victoria

(For those of you who have previously read this overview, please just consider it a gentle reminder.)

(Photos by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan)






Wednesday, December 23, 2020

Remember: "Faith Is Believing..."

















"Faith is believing in things even when common sense
 tells you not to."


This is my definition of faith, borrowed from the movie "Miracle on 34th Street".  It remains, for me, one of the most practical and simple ways to understand the concept,  I have yet to hear a better one.

View 2 Clips:  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjQTEc5gWDU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2sjRRcONOc


Although simplistic in nature, it can be quite difficult to keep believing all of the time,  Let's face it, real life can get in the way of faith, especially in adulthood.

We may not have the relationship, the job, toy  or whatever it is we so want, After all, even the real Santa Claus, (as exemplified in the movie), cannot do everything,

However, we must not lose faith, belief and our sense of wonderment in all that we can become and have, if we work for it.  The truth: Much of the work is ours to do. "Faith without works, is dead."

We can "Think, Feel and Do" our way into becoming the best we can be and thus, become capable of living and enjoying life to the fullest. This, as with any other endeavor, requires faith and belief, in  ourselves, first and foremost!

For your consideration, below is a list of some more of my favorite quotes regarding faith, (non religious in nature):

Michelangelo: "Achieving anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Faith in oneself… is the best and safest course."

Martin Luther King, Jr.: "Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

Eleanor Roosevelt: "He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more; He who loses faith, loses all."

Richard M. Devos: "The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible."

Elizabeth Barrett Browning: "If you desire faith, then you have faith enough."

Of course, having faith alone is not enough as it is said,"Faith without works is dead" is also a truism. We must learn to be our own Santas; active participants in the process of our lives.

Believing in ourselves, we can "Think, Feel and Do" better and thus enjoy our lives more fully.

Faith comes from your heart. May you keep yours near and dear in all endeavors. Keep believing and doing the work required and you too will find happiness, which itself is success.

There is no doubt 2016 has been a difficult year for many us, however, if you really take a look back, I believe you too will also see many positives.

Remember, "Faith is believing when common sense tell us not to". Try to keep and work towards this type of faith, this Holiday Season, and throughout the coming year.

This year, let us be grateful for all we have in our lives and have the faith, belief and willingness to make next year even better, in all areas of our lives.

Wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season.

Victoria
























Monday, March 16, 2020

Ruby Slippers - You Have Them Too!


What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.
       ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson


One of my favorite movies is The Wizard of Oz. The story encapsulates all the principle elements of what I call Positive Adaptation. It is also all about relationships; with ourselves and others.

You probably know the story line; a girl named Dorothy finds herself in a situation she neither knows how she got into nor how to get out from. She is told to follow the Yellow Brick Road to the Land of Oz where she will find the "all knowing, all powerful Wizard of Oz". 

Dorothy heads out on a fantastic journey where she meets three guides. They want to help her find her way home and hope the Wizard can help them too. The Scarecrow wants a brain, (think), Tin Man wants a heart, (feel), and the Lion wants courage, (do). 

The Wicked Witch of the West wants what Dorothy has, the Ruby Slippers. She does everything within her power to get the Ruby Slippers from Dorothy before she can reach the Wizard.  The wicked witch fails and the group returns victorious to Oz, feeling empowered and worthy of the Wizard's help.

Once there, they discover that the Wizard is not really a wizard at all, but merely a human being.  Still, he is able to help the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion. The Wizard helps them realize they already have, lying within them, exactly what it is they were searching for all along. 

And then there is Dorothy; happy for her friends but still not sure how she will get what she wants and needs - to find her way home.

Poof! Glinda, the Good Witch of the North appears and explains to Dorothy, that she too, has had the what she needed the entire time, the Ruby Slippers. She only needed Glinda to teach her of their power and then learn how to use them.  Remember....click your heals together three times?

We must learn that, deep down, we already possess, or can learn, what is required to have healthier relationships and greater life satisfaction.

Try it and you too will discover you have your own pair of 'Ruby Slippers'. You can learn to be healthier, stronger, and ultimately, achieve your own 'hearts desire'.

If you would like guidance on your own journey, please contact me, Victoria Baum - The Relationship Changer, to assist you in learning how to use your very own pair of Ruby Slippers.









Saturday, August 4, 2018

Summer Break



I am on summer break!

Please, feel free to read the posts below or go through my archived posts, and pick a few to re-read for inspiration and motivation.