It's In The Journey

It's the Journey.....not the destination.

You probably have heard this one a million times.

But do you really believe it?  Do you live your life this way?

It is the journey that matters most because the destination may always be changing.  Life is really just one big journey with many crossroads along the way.

Many of us feel these are 'some scary times' we live in. We often find ourselves full of fear, anger and doubt.

Today, we can choose a different path. A path which will help us move forward on our journey successfully and one where we will find ourselves looking back, only to realize we came through it all, feeling, thinking and doing, 'better' than ever before.

At this crossroad, let us take a moment to be still, take a deep breath and  look around at the all the beauty in our lives, feel gratitude for all we do have and know in our hearts, WE will be okay.  

Enjoy this quiet, peaceful, resting place. We all deserve a break once in a while.

So go ahead.... allow yourself this one.

Happy New Year!

Victoria

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

When was the last time, (if ever), you laughed like this?
Laughter brings light where there is darkness.
Watch this video and tell me how you could help yourself from not laughing!
Enjoy!
Victoria

You Can Choose!

"With all that has happened to you, 
you can either feel sorry for yourself,
or treat all that has happened, as gifts. 
Everything is either an opportunity to grow 
or an obstacle to keep you from growing.
You get to choose."
~original author unkown


Sure, we may feel down and negative after things do not turn out the way we had hoped they would. However, in the long run, remaining in this mode only leads us to feeling more like victims.


A friend and mentor of mine, Dr. Susan Jeffers, is the author of, (among many others), Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway.  She published a list of key points on how to make better, (even if tougher), choices. 
Today I share with you:  http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/article.cfm


Another great book on how to make better choices is The Right Questions, by Debbie Ford.  Ford outlines "The 10 Right Questions" with clarity while offering a road map on how to and why: "If we want our lives to be different, better, then we must learn to make new choices which will lead us to new actions. These should be based on asking the right questions of ourselves."   When we do as Ford suggests, the chances we will experience better, more positive outcomes, goes way up.


Ford encourages the reader by reminding them that asking these questions "will give you the power and inspiration to consciously create a life you feel good about, one choice at a time."


Like Debbie Ford, I once read a statement by Tony Robbins, that continues to resonate with me today, "Quality questions create a quality life."


The choice is ours! We can choose to view experiences negatively or as opportunities for positive growth which will transform us into survivors!  If we have truly learned something, gained even better coping skills, eventually, we will think, feel and do better the next time.  


Positive growth is about being willing to ask ourselves the, tough, right questions, learning to make the best choices for ourselves and then having the courage to act upon them.


Be assured: I choose positive growth; no matter how difficult the path.


Victoria

Enjoy Facing Challenges

"I live in solutions, not problems.  I enjoy the challenge." 

~ Victoria Baum

The first sentence of the book "The Road Less Travelled" is "Life is difficult". How difficult depends upon our willingness to adopt a better attitude and use a different set life problem solving skills. Life is not nearly as difficult when we choose to view all problems, (hence forth referred to as situations), as a challenge; an opportunity for positive growth. Facing the challenge of doing so offers us the ability to be the best we can be and live life to the fullest.

There is no mountain too high to climb, whether it be personal or professional. Ergo, there is no situation, however dire it may appear or feel at the time, that we cannot find at least one viable solution to. Utilizing the three principles of Positive Adaptation: 'Think, Feel and Do', will assist you. In fact, rather than shy away from them, you will find yourself enjoying facing challenges. ("You can get it if you really want" -click play button above to listen to the song.)

The first step is to Think of whatever challenge faces you as a puzzle that can and will be solved, rather than an insurmountable problem. Admittedly this step sounds obvious and simplistic, but not so easily done. How we think coming into a situation may very well determine its outcome. Think and believe, "Yes, I can, if I really want to."

When we Feel and believe there will be a positive outcome it is much more likely to occur. When problem solving or facing any challenge, fear is not our ally. Courage, (from the French word for heart, coeur) is required, therefore, we must feel we have it to act with it. One definition of courage I am known to use often, I borrowed from Susan Jeffers: "Courage is being willing to feel the fear and do it anyway". 

The third principle of Positive Adaptation, 'Do', is vital as no solution can be found if the challenge of finding one is not met. No matter how much faith we may have, "Faith without works is dead." Merely thinking about and feeling you can climb the mountain does not get you where you want to go, the top! Remember: self esteem grows every time we take positive action. 

The principles of Positive Adaptation work for any situation, (formally referred to as 'problem'), whether they be emotional, physical or situational, in nature. 

I know this to be true, as I use Positive Adaptation to face my own challenges. Why do I make the decision to live in the solution, because it really is easier and I enjoy the challenge!  

Hoping you will learn to as well...

Victoria

Teach Your Children Well

"Teach your children well. They are on the road and must have a code to live by, and so become yourself....and know I love you." 

~ Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young 

I have chosen to teach my own  child: Think, Feel and Do your best and know, no matter what, I love you.

Positive Adaptation is a way of life and the 'code' by which I now live. We learn by example, modeling the attitudes and behaviors of others. This process begins at birth, with ones parents, (then teachers and friends), and continues throughout the life span. 

We all want the best for our kids, therefore, "If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves."  ~C.G. Jung 

To be the best example or role model, it is imperative that we believe in and take good care of ourselves, first. We must act with kindness and respect towards others and maintain a positive attitude and outlook on life. This is the best way I have found to teach my child to be and do the same. 

I understand these are high goals to strive for and sound simple in theory. Of course, it is not easy to achieve nor maintain these highest of standards all the time. We are human. The truth is it is impossible to be a 'perfect' anything, let alone the 'perfect' parent, all we can do is our very best.

Here are a few of my own favorite lines, (some I borrowed from my parents), which I now have shared with my son: 

- "Accidents happen, but less when you're careful, so try to be more careful next time"

- "Humans, (including me), by definition, are not perfect, that honor is left for the divine, so just we do the very best we can."

- "Mistakes happen, hopefully it will turn out to be a learning experience and therefore, you wont make the same one again" 

- "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again" 

- "Can you honestly say you have done your best? Then your best has to be good enough."

- "Be grateful for all that you are and all that you have and always, always say thank you for both."

Positive Adaptation works in all areas of life. The principles of PA are applicable to all situations, interactions and relationships; including those related to health, (emotional and physical), academics, athletics, work and finances. Balance is key! 

You don't have to merely imagine feeling and doing better and enjoying life more; you can become the catalyst of the positive changes necessary to help create this realty for yourselves and your children. The time to begin is now.

Take a little time to read the posts discussing the 3 core principles, (Think, Feel and Do your best), of Positive Adaptation. These 'how and why" posts may be found archived in February and March, 2009. (Positive Adaptation is wonderful for parenting, however, in no way exclusively intended for.)

After reading, I think you will agree, it is never too early, nor too late, to become the best you, you can be and hence, live and enjoy all that richness life has to offer to the fullest! 

Positive Adaptation is a win/win way of life, one which serves both ourselves and our children well in their development, now and in the future. "There are two lasting bequests we can give our children.  One is roots.  The other is wings." ~Hodding Carter, Jr.

I have always told my son, "You are the best" and "The world is your oyster, go, find the pearls". I have said for years, when speaking of him, "I want to grow up to be just like him". I  am working on it and getting closer all the time.

"I just want my kids to love who they are, have happy lives and find something they want to do and make peace with that. Your job as a parent is to give your kids not only the instincts and talents to survive, but help them enjoy their lives." ~Susan Sarandon  

To being and doing the best we can, for ourselves, our children and everyone else in our lives.

Victoria

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

"A Rich, Full, Colorful Life"

My father always said, "I have lived a rich, full, colorful life" and he most certainly did.

This is by far the most difficult post I have written to date. My father was my inspiration. His entire life, Dad lived Positive Adaptation and by example taught me; I merely named it.

I lost my father one year ago, however, this is not a sad post, in fact, quite the opposite. His incredible spirit, joie de vie, (love for life) and what he taught me, (now I hope you), will live on forever.

My father's life was the personification of Positive Adaptation; how we can all Think, Feel and Do 'better', be and do our best and 'enjoy life to the fullest' when we incorporate it as a way of life. "As long as you are breathing, it is never too late", (just one of many 'Dad-isms' I live by, now).

Dad was born in Germany, (1926), just before Adolf Hitler came to power. He was a very happy, rambunctious kid, with many friends and loved his family.  One day, after reading Hitler's "Mein Kampf" my grandfather decided it was time to go, leave Germany and go to America.  Later, when asked why he was choosing to leave, my grandfather simply stated, "because I have three sons".

My father took a long boat ride and one morning, upon awaking, he saw the Statue of Liberty for the first time. Thus began my father's life long love affair with The United States of America.  

At the age of 7, it was decided at Ellis Island, he would no longer be called by his name, Helmut. He had the difficult task of accepting the name Bernard as his own, (an Americanized version of his middle name, Bernhardt). This was just one of many changes which would occur in his life. Dad's positive attitude and uncanny ability to adapt to change served him well then and throughout his entire life of 82 years.

I could never, especially in a venue like this, speak of all of my father's trials and tribulations, more importantly, his successes and joys. Let me just say that the same boy who came to America only nine years earlier became an Eagle Scout at the age of 16.  He said that that process truly 'Americanized' him, once and for all. One year later, at 17, Dad enlisted in the U.S Army to go back to Germany to fight to defeat Hitler and may years later, he would retired as a Brig. General from the Army Reserves.  As Dad used to say, "Only in America".

'Bernie', as he would later be called was the kind of man that would literally give you the shirt or tie, off his back. I know of several occasions someone would compliment him on a let's say a tie he was wearing. He would respond, "Here, if you would enjoy it, take it" and he would take the tie off and give it to them.

He loved his family, his work as a Professor, being of assistance to others in his community,  (the world) and lived each day with "Verstandt", German for a 'great understanding and appreciation of' how fortunate he was. My father was not a saint or perfect.  He only tried to do and be his best and because of this, he succeeded much more than he failed. Last, but not least, my father was often heard saying, "I am blessed". All those who knew him felt the same way about having him in their lives.

Although it took me a long time, (I was a late bloomer), I finally got it! Even when it did not look like it, Dad always had faith in me that I would. I have learned to Think, Feel and Do my way into becoming the best I can be, do the best I can do, try to help others, love a lot and enjoy life to the fullest!

I offer this way of living to you, a gift from 'Bernie' and me. Remember, as long as you are breathing, it is not too late. I know he would want you to have this too.

Thanks, Dad. You still are and always will be, the best!

Your loving daughter and student of life,

Victoria

More about Dad and me, coming for Father's Day! (Pics too)

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan, (Dad loved you too!)

Needs versus Wants-(Basic)

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Food and water 

are needs.

Pre-bottled sparkling 

mineral water and caviar

are wants.

In my last post, 'Keep Your Balance - How and Why, I stated:

'When our lives are in balance we feel better, our self esteem and sense of worth is higher, our relationships are at their best and it is here we find our greatest joy and true happiness. This is what living life to the fullest is all about! Positive Adaptation can assist you to: 'Think, Feel and Do'. We can begin by prioritizing, placing in a healthy order, our needs and wants; they are not the same.'

Please, take a look at this chart and Think and Feel each one. Now, I ask you, which are your highest priorities?

I am a clinical counselor and have studied many theories of personality, behavior and life span development. Maslow's theory of a Hierarchy of Needs attempts to prioritize what is basic to survival and what can be achieved well beyond, once they are met. The optimal goal, according to Maslow, is 'Self Actualization', meaning we achieve our best selves, the highest level of personal happiness and fulfillment possible. 

I feel sometimes we forget how truly fortunate we are. Think about the fact that there are almost 6.8 billion people living on earth today. Of those, at least 1 billion are at the bottom and likely another 1-2 billion are lucky to achieve Maslow's second level. There are people all over the globe just trying to stay alive. Most of us do not have to worry about our basic, (food, water and shelter), needs, therefore we are free to discover and conquer the rest on up! We ought not to forget how fortunate we are.

With this freedom comes the opportunity and yes, I dare say, responsibility to be the best you can be, help others do the same, find the greatest joy out of life humanly possible and shoot for the top!

Now, off my soap box to offer a few "how to's": We can start out our days Thinking: 'What would I do if I knew I could not fail?'. Feel and believe we cannot and at night, review our days to see what and how we have DOne! If we can honestly say we have done our best, we shall be pleased and rest peacefully.

If we begin each day with our goal to Think, Feel and Do our best, we are sure to find the greatest amount of joy and fulfillment Maslow is describing in his chart, (see image above), and feel grateful for it.

Sometimes bread and water are just fine. Can we not dare to want more? Let us all decide to give it our best to become our best.  Positive Adaptation will help lead you there!

To obtaining both our needs and our wants and being grateful when either or both are met!

Victoria