Coping With Disappointment, Better!

"Things are simply what they are. We cannot always choose our external circumstance, but we can choose how we respond to them."

~ Epictetus - The Art of Living

I understand dealing with disappointment can feel overwhelming sometimes. It is hard enough to cope with the emotions and outcomes that are caused by our own actions, however, in most incidences, we make a concerted effort not to disappoint ourselves again, at least not in the same way.

But when someone or something outside of ourselves, (i.e. a spouse, friend, child, finances and/or job related issue), disappoints us, what can we really do about it? I say, the same thing! We can make valiant efforts to cope better and do all we can to avoid "it" from happening again.

First, avoid simply dismissing your feelings about it. Your feelings are important. Instead, try to 'Think, Feel and Do' something different about it. More specifically: 1) Identifying and learn to understand what, exactly, you are disappointed about, 2) How and why did you become so disappointed and 3) Discover what are you really feeling and how you can come to a state of peace and resolution with what has occurred.

These steps, although difficult and often painful at times, can transform the actual event(s) from being negatives into vital and wonderful learning experiences.

"Even the most confusing and hurtful aspects of life can be made more tolerable by clear seeing and by choice." If we can figure out the how's, why's and what's, we may be able to prevent the same from occurring again, thus increasing our likelihood of experiencing even greater success and happiness in the future.

Disappointment is merely a part of "normal" life and the process of becoming the best we can be. Therefore, do not give in to disappointments. Rather, allow them to strengthen your resolve to continue in the pursuit of achieving your dreams and aspirations.

Maintain hope for the future, but live in the present. We can make today an "okay" day and work on tomorrow being even better. With a more positive attitude, (admittedly, not easy all the time), there is much less room in our lives for the negative effects of our disappointments to dominate us, leaving us much more room for experiencing joyfulness.

Do not allow your spirit to be broken, by yourself or anyone else.

You will see, through time, more will be revealed. Believe....the best you is yet to come.

Victoria

Today Is Your Day! (The Rest and Best-Part 2)

"Today Is Your Day..."

"Oh The Places You Will Go"    
~ Dr. Seuss

Today is the day, the only one we have to become our best selves. Remember, it is never too late to become who you are meant to be and to enjoy life to the fullest. Let us begin anew, today!

Positive Adaptation teaches us that we all have the power, within us, to 'Think, Feel and Do' better. Whether the improvement sought is personal, professional, relational, financial or a combination, PA offers a guide, a way of living which assists us in finding and maintaining the healthy balance we seek.

(Read Positive Adaptation - An Overview at: http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/02/positive-adaptation-overview.html)

Positive Adaptation is a simple concept, however, not always easy in daily practice. Our patterns of 'Thinking, Feeling and Doing' are generally learned early on in life and all too often become ingrained, first nature to us. We must choose to identify the patterns that, to date, have not been working for us and then discover new, better ways to handle whatever life challenges are presented us. We have everything we need to do so, now, already within us.

Just because 'that is the way it has always been' does not mean that is the way it always has to be. Change requires courage, even when the change is for the better. We have to learn to walk through any fears we may have, as not doing so keeps us where we have always been. I love how simply Susan Jeffers's stated how to work through fear: "Feel the fear and do it anyway."

The way to achieve change is not to go around it or in avoiding it. The only way to achieve our best selves is having the courage to go through change.

Life is to not to be survived or merely existed. Life is to be experienced, savored and enjoyed. Why would we choose to settle for a 'status quo' that has not lead us where we wanted to go when we can do better?

Empower yourself! Make the decision to 'Think, Feel and Do' your best today. "You have brains in your head and feet in your shoes. You can decide which direction to choose."

This brings me to what I believe is the greatest 'self help' book written to date, (as I have yet to publish mine), Dr. Suess's "Oh The Places You will Go."

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...

be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray

or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,

you're off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So...get on your way!

---Dr. Seuss


Today is your day, enjoy it!
Victoria

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

When was the last time, (if ever), you laughed like this?
Laughter brings light where there is darkness.
Watch this video and tell me how you could help yourself from not laughing!
Enjoy!
Victoria

Living in Harmony

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." ~ Mahatma Gandi

Positive Adaptation is about achieving harmony, obtaining and sustaining a healthy balance, in all areas of life. Living a life in harmony clears the path to our being our best and enjoy life to the fullest.

We must learn to 'say what we mean, mean what we say and do as we say we will'. We cannot expect to feel harmonious if we are being dishonest with ourselves, nor can we expect much more from others than we are willing to do ourselves. We only have the power to achieve this harmony in our own lives, although when we do so, we are much more likely attract others who tend to live in the same manner.

With honesty comes a certain type of peace, as we do not have to use as much of our energy up trying to keep the stories we tell straight in our minds, hanging on to the feelings in our hearts which we are not sharing or regretting actions we may or may not have taken.

I am not suggesting that we behave like children, who have yet to fully develop appropriate 'filters'. We cannot say or do whatever we feel like, whenever we feel like, without regard for how it may effect others. We must learn to process all thoughts, feelings and actions in an effort to develop maintain the healthiest filters. This process allows harmony and peace to flow in and remain in our daily lives.

Life is all about relationships; with ourselves and others. Whether it be a personal or professional one, maintaining a high level of integrity between or thoughts, feelings and actions assists us in having the healthiest relationships possible. I find it takes much more effort to 'keep all the balls in the air' when deception of any form is involved.

We have a lot going on in our lives; family, work, school and social interactions. It can be difficult to maintain a sense of healthy balance in all areas, especially if we did not have the best of examples to learn from. I can tell you from personal and professional experience the goal of living in harmony and balance is most certainly an obtainable one. If I could learn how, you can too.

We cannot change what we do not know or understand, therefore, we must first discover who we really are in order to learn what aspects ourselves we need to change. Great strides in achieving an acceptance of how we came to be who we are can be gained through examining and reflecting upon the older patterns in our life, (see previous posts on Patterns).

However, the goal of Positive Adaptation is not to live in the past, rather it is to understand it to the best of our ability. When we do so, true change happens. We become capable of really experiencing all life has to offer and we live richer, fuller, happier lives in the present.

Positive Adaptation's goal is to learn to 'Think, Feel and Do' our best and become our best selves, the one we can and are meant to be. We are able to lay our heads down at the end of the day and fall to sleep peacefully when we know that our thoughts, feelings and actions were indeed in harmony throughout the day.

'Think, Feel and Do' in harmony today and may you feel the happiness which comes from doing so.

Thank You and I Love You

Thank you

and

I love you too!

My father, a man who said it was best to have "Smiling eyes and laughing lips", also taught me "It’s the little things in life that really matter." Bernard, (aka: Bernie, Dad, Professor, Opa and The General), a man who did indeed have 'smiling eyes and laughing lips', was also known to say when speaking of his life, (especially of his four children), “I am blessed!”

On this, my first real Father’s Day without him, (as last year it was just days after his death and too early to even begin to process), I say, “Dad, I was blessed to have had you.”

This post is not intended to be sad, in fact, quite the opposite. For all, who like me, have lost their beloved Dad’s, let us remember today all the love, support and pride they so freely showed us, the knowledge they imparted upon us and the wonderful example they set for us. Today, let us all say “Thank you and I love you.”

Last week, I spoke with a group of CEOs, many of whom stated that their fathers were always working and were rarely there, were alcoholics, suffered from other mental health issues or were just not in their lives at all. They asked me how they could learn to reconcile themselves to the past and create balance to obtain and sustain, a successful business and family life, in the future.

I explained to the group that Positive Adaptation is a way of life; including these three principles: 'Think, Feel and Do’ better, become the best you, you can possibly be and therefore, you will enjoy life to the fullest.

In response to their specific question, my answer was and is, "Be the example you wished you had had. First, you must identify what it is you felt you needed and wanted, however did not get, change this pattern in your own life, now and freely share all this positivity and wisdom with your own children."

For all of you who grieve for the father you never had, let today be a day of celebration for the person you are now becoming and the Dad you can or have become, (the one you wanted and needed yourself). And please, do not forget to hug your children and tell them you love them, often. I guarantee you and your children will feel and be better for having done so.

To all who have become Dad’s to children who have different 'biological' fathers, I salute you! You are a blessing to both the kids and their mothers. You are a great source of love, pride and worldly knowledge that otherwise might not be present in their lives. You give and share so much. Know you are greatly needed and are appreciated.

As Father’s Day is a special day to honor our Fathers/Dads, I believe the best gift I could ever give my father was a big hug and the knowledge that I am, indeed, happy, healthy, being the best I can be and enjoying life to the fullest. Well, Dad, I am proud to tell you, (and the world), I am today and I am teaching my son to Be and Do the same. Thank you for teaching me that even 'late bloomers', can and do eventually blossom and that no matter what, one should never give up on themselves. I know you never lost faith in me and you helped me to have faith in myself too.

Through Positive Adaptation, we can all learn to ‘Think, Feel and Do’ better and enjoy life to the fullest.

Today and everyday, I say “Thank you, Dad. I love you too!"

To learn more about my own father, please read: http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/05/rich-full-colorful-life.html This waltz is for you now and always....

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

(Thank you for capturing the moments!)