Gonna Fly Now and Be Our Best

"If I can change, and you can change, everyone can change."~ Rocky Balboa, (Rocky IV)

"It ain't how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward.  That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!"
 ~ Rocky Balboa   Speaking to his son (2006)

All anyone has to do is listen to the beginning of the theme song, (Gonna Fly Now, by Bill Conti, on the right side of this text), and instantly one begins to feel 'pumped up'.  I know it always works for my husband and I.

Who better to learn about becoming the best you can be than from Rocky Balboa! A regular guy, an underdog, who gets a one in a million chance to fight for the title of World Heavyweight Champion of the world, 

However,  let us not forget....Rocky had to earn the title. He did so, (unknowingly), by practicing 'Positive Adaptation: 'Think, Feel and Do', to become your best self. When you do, then you, too can live and enjoy life to the fullest!

Rocky trained and trained hard, to become stronger, faster, more agile, lighter on his feet and as become as good a puncher with his left hand as he was with his right. A tall order, indeed.

But most importantly, Rocky had to gain the sense of self worth, and belief in himself, that he was worth it. He learned he could keep trying when he didn't intially succeed and survive taking set backs, (the punches). Eventually, Rocky found he could go the distance and come out a winner!

We are all champs when we Think, Feel and Do our best.

Keep your eye on the prize, becoming your best self
. 
You're gonna fly now because you are worth it!

Victoria

Coping With Disappointment, Better!

"Things are simply what they are. We cannot always choose our external circumstance, but we can choose how we respond to them."

~ Epictetus - The Art of Living

I understand dealing with disappointment can feel overwhelming sometimes. It is hard enough to cope with the emotions and outcomes that are caused by our own actions, however, in most incidences, we make a concerted effort not to disappoint ourselves again, at least not in the same way.

But when someone or something outside of ourselves, (i.e. a spouse, friend, child, finances and/or job related issue), disappoints us, what can we really do about it? I say, the same thing! We can make valiant efforts to cope better and do all we can to avoid "it" from happening again.

First, avoid simply dismissing your feelings about it. Your feelings are important. Instead, try to 'Think, Feel and Do' something different about it. More specifically: 1) Identifying and learn to understand what, exactly, you are disappointed about, 2) How and why did you become so disappointed and 3) Discover what are you really feeling and how you can come to a state of peace and resolution with what has occurred.

These steps, although difficult and often painful at times, can transform the actual event(s) from being negatives into vital and wonderful learning experiences.

"Even the most confusing and hurtful aspects of life can be made more tolerable by clear seeing and by choice." If we can figure out the how's, why's and what's, we may be able to prevent the same from occurring again, thus increasing our likelihood of experiencing even greater success and happiness in the future.

Disappointment is merely a part of "normal" life and the process of becoming the best we can be. Therefore, do not give in to disappointments. Rather, allow them to strengthen your resolve to continue in the pursuit of achieving your dreams and aspirations.

Maintain hope for the future, but live in the present. We can make today an "okay" day and work on tomorrow being even better. With a more positive attitude, (admittedly, not easy all the time), there is much less room in our lives for the negative effects of our disappointments to dominate us, leaving us much more room for experiencing joyfulness.

Do not allow your spirit to be broken, by yourself or anyone else.

You will see, through time, more will be revealed. Believe....the best you is yet to come.

Victoria

Carpe Diem - Seize The Day!

"Congratulations! Today is your day! You're off to Great Places! You're off on your way! You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose." ~ Dr. Seuss 

Let us begin each day with the inspirational words of Dr. Seuss and the creed, 'Carpe Diem'. Today we will really seize this day. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow has yet to arrive so it is now, this moment, when we must devote our energy to positive change.  We can achieve the change we need and want, begin 'becoming' our best selves and live and enjoy life to the fullest, right now.

The core philosophy of Positive Adaptation addresses the questions "Now what?" and "Is this all there is?" PA proposes we ask ourselves a different question, "How I am I going to emerge from this day, a healthier, happier person, one more ready and able to truly enjoy all that life has to offer?

Positive Adaptation is not a theory, rather it is a choice, a decision, a way of life. When PA becomes integrated into our daily lives we will experience positive feelings about ourselves and others, a brighter outlook on life and as a result, greater positive outcomes. Believing this, why wouldn't we set out to seize each day?

Positive Adaptation is: one part Thinking, one part Feeling and one part Doing.  The same set of perplexing patterns many of us learned early on in life and we have been repeating throughout our lives, will no longer do. They are usually the same negative ones which until today have prevented us from living with a "Carpe Diem" attitude. The time is now to break free of the them and begin anew. We can all Think, Feel and Do 'better'.

The key to happiness is balance. Different situations demand different solutions, however, all three parts: Thinking, Feeling and Doing must be implemented to achieve your desired optimal positive results!

Living this way of life is simple but not always easy. It requires willingness, courage and commitment to identify and break old patterns, replace them with healthier more positive ones and practice, practice, practice. I believe the effort needed is an insignificant price to pay to know, deep to your core: Life is to lived and enjoyed, not merely survived. 

I have discovered living Positive Adaptation as a way of life has not only significantly improved my sense of self esteem and increased the joy I find out of life, it has also positively impacted all areas of my life. I am a better mother, wife, friend,  professional and volunteer. You don't have to just imagine what PA can do for you, there is no time like the present to begin.

Consider the great words of Horace: "Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which, in prosperous circumstances, would have lain dormant."

Carpe Diem; Seize your day!

Victoria

Happy New Year - 2017

This new year take a new plunge
 into the ocean of hope and optimism and
 free yourself from all
 your past resentments and sadness.

By - Prashant Jain  

No doubt, this has been a very difficult year for many of us.

The past is over. We live in the day and the future is our to help build. Therefore, it is time now to move, positively, forward!

May this be your best year yet!

Victoria

Choose To "Restart"

When a computer application is running slowly or continues to cause problems, don't you eventually force it to quit and restart your system? 

When we are having a "bad day" or feel we need to head in another direction, we can come to the same conclusion and internally: Restart.

We can restart our day anytime we choose. Through Positive Adaptation, we can 'Think, Feel and Do' better about ourselves and our lives. When needed or desired: realize it is time to take a moment, take a few cleansing breaths and press your own "restart" button.  I have found this method quite effective for myself.

I understand that change, of any kind, can be scary, however, there are also times when remaining in your status quo may appear equally as frightening, if not more so.

I have made, (and continue to), make positive changes in my own life and I assist others to do the same. Restarting is one of several tools I use and find it not only helps myself, but additionally, those around me.

You can decide to do this anytime you want or need to, as many times as you feel is necessary. You will 'Think, Feel and Do' better and be happier. In time, you will discover you are positively changing the direction of your entire life.  Integrating the choice to restart is one of the greatest gifts you can give, (and receive), yourself.

Today, make the decision when needed, take the actions to 'Think, Feel and Do' better and allow yourself to be feel better about yourself and your life.

No day needs to start, continue all day and end a "bad day".
Remember, you have your own restart button.

Victoria

"The Rest and Best Remains Unwritten"

"Only the past chapters of our lives have been completed. The rest of our life's story remains unwritten." 
~ V. Baum

"When you make the present moment, instead of past and future, the focal point of your life, your ability to enjoy what you do - and with it the quality of your life - increases dramatically."

~ Eckhart Tolle

Where ever you are in life, personally and/or professionally, you can begin anew, today. We can all learn to 'Think Feel and Do' better if we choose to. Let us choose to start on a fresh page today.

'Things don't change, people change'. We may not be able to choose or be in complete control of our external circumstances nor the actions of others, however, we can change how we choose to respond to them. What really matters is who we are on the inside, who we are becoming and how we 'show up' in the world each day.

We can choose to shed our outmoded attitudes and subsequent behaviors and replace them with new, more positive and productive ones. In doing so, we assist ourselves in being better equipped to handle any and all challenges or situations which we may encounter throughout the day.

We will strive to be a first rate version of ourselves; 'Think, Feel and Do' our best and always remember: our best must be good enough, for us, today. When we live this way we are much more likely to enjoy life to the fullest.

I, too, have circumstances and external negative influences that require I utilize the principles and techniques of Positive Adaptation to help me. I cannot say that I am instantly aware of the need all of the time nor that I 'Think, Feel and Do' perfectly, as I am not perfect. I can say.... I do my best in the day I am in and that has become good enough. I always try to be and do even better the next day.

No matter how old we are, today is the best day of the rest of our lives!

From this instant on, we can vow to forgive ourselves, and others, for the past, (for this we cannot change), and remember we are all but mere mortals. We will, to the very best of our ability, to stop disappointing ourselves today, (as we have already decided to become our best, extraordinary selves), and learn to live and enjoy life to the fullest, rejoicing in every positive outcome.

Today, we start on a fresh page in the book of life. What will you be writing in yours? I know mine begins with: "Today I will be the best me I can be and...."

Yesterday is history. The rest our life's story remains unwritten. 

Go ahead, make today the best one yet.

Victoria

Standing In Your Truth

Are You.....

Standing In Your Truth.

"What does that really mean" you ask?  Well, for starters, try asking yourselves the questions below:

1. Who am I, really? (Now, today, not who I used to be or who others told me I was.)
2. Am I even aware of my current thoughts, feelings and behavioral  patterns?
3. Are any of them,( #2's), no longer useful, or worse, now harmful to me? 
4. Have I considered how I will learn to make the necessary changes, in myself, so that I may break these old and harmful patterns?
5. In what ways would I better experience life, love and most especially, become my Authentic Self, when I do?
6. Am I ready to 'Stand In My Truth' and begin the process of living in real and sustainable positive change?

If the answer to #6 is a resounding YES, then, please, stick with it.

Stand in your truth, as this is the only place true personal freedom is found.

Please review some of my older posts, (archived), on this blog.  Choose a few titles that may catch your eye or appear to address the change you seek and please, read on.

After doing so, please go back and ask yourselves these same 6 questions again.

I absolutely believe once you do, you too will see, many of the ways in which we can make positive changes in ourselves that lead us to living and enjoying life to its' fullest!

Enjoy the moments. The very best ones are when you are standing in your truth and may very well be 'yet to come'.

Victoria

Keep Your Balance - How and Why

"Life is a great balancing act." ~ Dr.Seuss

We do not have to wait until we have lost our balance, completely, to find it. The key to keeping your balance is to  first acknowledge you may be feeling a bit wobbly. 

Consider yourself a gymnast on the balance beam of life. Have you ever watched what they do when they realize they are losing their balance? They start to wobble, then their arms start to flail around, all in an effort to regain control, find their center and solid footing, back on that beam.  Do they ever fall off the beam, sure, sometimes, but please take note: they always get back up and try again. 

We do have a lot to balance in our lives: family, friends, work, financial concerns, community and personal, 'me', time. It is simple but not so easy! We can only decide to do our best by continually trying to find our center, keep our balance and stay up on that beam.  

When our lives are in balance we feel better, our self esteem and sense of worth is higher, our relationships are at their best and it is here we find our greatest joy and true happiness. This is what living life to the fullest is all about!

Positive Adaptation can assist you: 'Think, Feel and Do'. We can begin by prioritizing, placing in a healthy order, our needs and wants; they are not the same. Think and feel about each one; which are your highest priorities, why and when you discover what is what and who is who... DO something about it.  A balance beam is always just a balance beam, things don't change, we do. 

Discover where your center is and you will have found your balance. The good news is you already possess what you need. It is already inside you waiting to be found and utilized, (see older post "Ruby Slippers').  

Albert Einstein said: "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving".  We are human so we may indeed lose our balance and fall off once in a while.  

Let's make the decision to keep moving forward to our place of balance as this is where our happiness lies.  If we get wobbly, we will just keep at it!

"And will we succeed? 98  3/4% Guaranteed!"   From: "Oh The Places You Will Go", by Dr. Seuss, my pick for greatest 'self help' book ever written.

Make it a great one,

Victoria

Today Is Your Day! (The Rest and Best-Part 2)

"Today Is Your Day..."

"Oh The Places You Will Go"    
~ Dr. Seuss

Today is the day, the only one we have to become our best selves. Remember, it is never too late to become who you are meant to be and to enjoy life to the fullest. Let us begin anew, today!

Positive Adaptation teaches us that we all have the power, within us, to 'Think, Feel and Do' better. Whether the improvement sought is personal, professional, relational, financial or a combination, PA offers a guide, a way of living which assists us in finding and maintaining the healthy balance we seek.

(Read Positive Adaptation - An Overview at: http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/02/positive-adaptation-overview.html)

Positive Adaptation is a simple concept, however, not always easy in daily practice. Our patterns of 'Thinking, Feeling and Doing' are generally learned early on in life and all too often become ingrained, first nature to us. We must choose to identify the patterns that, to date, have not been working for us and then discover new, better ways to handle whatever life challenges are presented us. We have everything we need to do so, now, already within us.

Just because 'that is the way it has always been' does not mean that is the way it always has to be. Change requires courage, even when the change is for the better. We have to learn to walk through any fears we may have, as not doing so keeps us where we have always been. I love how simply Susan Jeffers's stated how to work through fear: "Feel the fear and do it anyway."

The way to achieve change is not to go around it or in avoiding it. The only way to achieve our best selves is having the courage to go through change.

Life is to not to be survived or merely existed. Life is to be experienced, savored and enjoyed. Why would we choose to settle for a 'status quo' that has not lead us where we wanted to go when we can do better?

Empower yourself! Make the decision to 'Think, Feel and Do' your best today. "You have brains in your head and feet in your shoes. You can decide which direction to choose."

This brings me to what I believe is the greatest 'self help' book written to date, (as I have yet to publish mine), Dr. Suess's "Oh The Places You will Go."

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...

be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray

or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,

you're off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So...get on your way!

---Dr. Seuss


Today is your day, enjoy it!
Victoria

Put Your Mask On First

Place your oxygen mask

on first......

Have you ever been on an airplane and watched a flight attendant, (or now, a video), demonstrate the "oxygen mask procedure"? They always instruct you to place your mask on yourself first before helping anyone else with theirs. Always.  They never say, "Of course this is really selfish of you, but hey, what the heck".  No, they go on to explain even if you are traveling with your own child, you must put your mask on first so you will be able to help them with theirs.

I used to think to myself, "No way! I am going to help my child first." That is until I really understood the logic and the difference between acting selfishly and practicing self care.  

Simply defined, selfish is being concerned only with yourself to the exclusion of others.  Self care is being actively concerned about yourself AND others. In practicing self care we are including ourselves in our list of most important people and others will benefit too. 

Many of us make attending to the needs and wants of others first a way of life. This just comes naturally to us. Like blinking, we may not even realize we are doing it. We may be born caretakers, worriers, controllers or just innately nurturing. There are times this may prove to be harmful to us, in many ways, if we are not taking care of ourselves. 

That is until something happens.  We may have feelings which have been building up for a long time.  Yet, it seems as if all of a sudden, we experience anger, sadness, resentment, anxiety, frustration, feel completely drained and/or become physically ill.  It is only then that we realize we have reached our own breaking point.  We have given so much of ourselves to others but not enough to ourselves.  As a result, now we 'cannot breathe'. Two of the most commonly used terms to describe this crisis state are "caregiver stress" and "burnout".

If we cannot breathe  how much help can we really be to anyone else? We must always remember to put our mask on first so that we can be there for ourselves and others. I came to embrace this way of thinking as not being selfish at all, but rather, participating in my own self care program.

I am a mother, a wife, a sibling, a friend, a volunteer, a blogger and a practicing therapist. I was also the adult child of aging parents, (now deceased), and openly admit I have suffered from caregiver stress in the past.

I have come to understand that to be the best I can be, (at any or all of these roles), I must take care of myself and allow others to help me ,as well.  

Believing in self care is not selfish.  It is the only lasting way to be of service to myself and others.

I hope you will consider putting your mask on first too!

Victoria

Love Is Like A Flower

“Love is like a flower, and, like the body, 
it needs constant feeding. 
The mortal body would soon be emaciated
and die if there were not frequent feedings.
The tender flower would wither and die
without food and water. 
And so love, also, cannot be expected
to last forever unless it is continually
fed with portions of love, 
the manifestation of esteem and admiration,
the expressions of gratitude, 
and the consideration of unselfishness.” 
    ~ Spencer W. Kimball

Laughter Is The Best Medicine

When was the last time, (if ever), you laughed like this?
Laughter brings light where there is darkness.
Watch this video and tell me how you could help yourself from not laughing!
Enjoy!
Victoria

One Mother's Send Off

Congratulations! 

Today is your day. 

You're off to Great Places!

You're off and away! 

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes. 

You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

You're mountain is waiting. 

So.... go, get on your way.

~  Dr. Seuss - "Oh, the Places You'll Go!"

It has always been out there, off in the future, however, now is "really" the time.  

My only child is leaving my nest. It is time to go off to college,

continuing his personal journey to be the best he can be.

A time of wonderful, positive possibilities for him

and the truest test of Positive Adaptation for me.

I have always said I want to grow up and be just like him.

I still do.

I believe he is ready. 

But am I?

For all those who know me, hard to believe, but true,
I am left, (almost), speechless.

My Dear One:
Go forth, meet new people, have new life altering experiences. Share your special self with others and allow them to do the same with you.  Learn new things and above all, enjoy yourself!

Remember, as I watch from the bleachers, know that I am in awe of you.

Now go, spread your wings, with the absolute knowledge:
I love you, "To infinity and beyond"
Mom
xo

Let's Play Ball

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

"It's hard to beat a guy, (gal), who never gives up." ~ Babe Ruth


"Everyday is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday's success or put it's failures behind and start over again.  That is the way life is; a new game every day and that's the way baseball is." ~Bob Feller

We cannot be 'happier' if we do not at least try!  Positive Adaptation offers a way to Think, Feel and Do your way into being the best you can be and enjoying life to the fullest.  Life is too short not to at least take a swing at it!

Consider the movie "Field of Dreams".  You know, "If you build it, they will come". Kevin Costner's character thought about it, felt deeply and then did what most thought was the impossible, he built it and they did come! He fulfilled his dream, shared it with others and so can you.

"There are three types of baseball players: those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who wonder what happens." ~Tommy Lasorda.  Which one do you want to be? 
 
Lou Gehrig, even after discovering he was ill, kept a positive attitude. He told the entire world he might have had a tough break but still considered himself the luckiest man on earth. 
 
The fact is you cannot win unless you play, right? Why not make the decision to come out from the stands, where you have merely been watching and choose to get in the game, of life! 


Remember, it is not whether you win or lose, it is how you play. All we ever need to do is be and do our best.

There is no such thing as three strikes and you are out in life! 


Keep at it, you are bound to hit one, maybe even out of the park!


Victoria

Believe & Happy Holidays

     It's always the season to Believe; 

Happy Holidays.

Believe in what your heart is saying.

Believe in what you feel inside and

Give your dreams the wings to fly.

Happy Holidays to you and yours,

From me and mine.

Victoria

Photos by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

With Change Comes Freedom

The road of positive change leads to renewal, happiness and freedom.

We continually need to make changes, (internally and often externally), to be the best we can be and do the best we can do. Doing so allows us to enjoy and live life to the fullest. With positive change comes happiness and real freedom.

I have written about change in the last several posts because we are in between seasons and change is in the air. The leaves have been changing their colors and now the trees are shedding the old in preparation for renewal in the spring. We are much like leaves and trees.

"Every human has four endowments: self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom...The power to choose, to respond, to change."~ Stephen R. Covey

The change called for may be of learning acceptance, (compromise, not settling), forgiveness, (ourselves and others), improved self care, and/or any of the other suggestions found throughout this blog site. We can make any change necessary, much more comfortably and with greater confidence, than ever before.

Whether personal, professional and/or relational, make the necessary changes. Remain open minded and fearless about becoming your best self. As my friend, Susan Jeffers proposes: "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway".

There really is no other way. "The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage." ~Thucydides

Try living through Positive Adaptation: 'Think, Feel and Do' differently. Positive change and renewal promote the happiness and freedom we seek.

Begin your renewal today.

Victoria

* Please go through my archives for more ideas and suggestions on how you can be the best you can be!

Photos by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

You Can't Please Everyone, So....

"But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone so ya got to please yourself"

~Ricky Nelson ("Garden Party")

Living life trying to please everyone is not only a daunting task, but is nearly impossible to do and remain healthy, (emotionally and/or physically), simultaneously. Of course we want to make other people happy but it cannot be at our own expense.

Attempting to live your life this way is how one becomes, (or remains), what is commonly know as a "People Pleaser" and is not the way to be your best self, live and enjoy life to the fullest. You cannot please everyone, but we must try to be truly pleased with ourselves. We must learn and continue to understand where 'they' end and 'we' begin.

Utilizing the principles of Positive Adaptation, you can learn to both please yourself and many others as well. We must 'Think, Feel and Do' our way into new, healthier and more realistic life skills.

Saying "No" or "Not now", once in a while, especially when necessary, is healthy. Being a parent has helped me learn this lesson well. Just imagine if we never heard or used the word 'no'. 'No' is a part of teaching, learning and practicing healthy boundaries. How many hot stoves should a child be allowed to put their hands on?

We can not be everything to everyone nor can we do everything, especially at the same time. What we can be and do is our best. This is true for all relationships; including marriage, dating, friendships, parenting, as well as, in the work place.

The truth is everyone may not be happy with us 100% of the time but we must remain true to ourselves. If not, the results will be that WE will be unhappy most of the time!

Take a moment out today when something is asked of you. Please give extra consideration to your answer. Ask yourself: "Is this the answer I really want to give or the answer I feel I am supposed to or need to give as to avoid experiencing rejection or conflict?"

In other words, try Positive Adaptation and 'Think, Feel and Do' differently today. If you feel 'No', 'Not now" or 'I really would rather not.', go ahead, express it, (in the nicest, most respectful fashion, of course).

Others, just as you have, will live through being told 'no' once in awhile. We cannot be the best we can be if we never do. Being a 'people pleaser' is not the way to emotional or physical health and well being.... being the best you can be today is.

'Think, Feel and Do' your best today. Try saying 'no' if that is how you really feel. Remember, you can't please everyone but you must try to be pleased with yourself!

Happy 4th of July!

Victoria

Maintain Your High Hopes

Who says you can't have high hopes and achieve whatever you set your heart, mind and body to? Robert Kennedy said: "Only those who dare to to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."

Positive Adaptation's three elements; 'Think, Feel and Do' your best are also reflected well in these Ralph Marston quotes:


"Don't lower your expectations to meet your performance, rather, raise your level of performance to meet your expectations."


"Expect the best of yourself and then do what is necessary to make it a reality. Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.


Take a moment to think about some of the strongest, positive, successful people you admire most. What are they famous for thinking, saying and/or doing? 


One that always comes to my mind is John F. Kennedy, (who's campaign song actually was "High Hopes", by Frank Sinatra). JFK asked: "If not now, then when? If not us, then who?"


What the people who came to your mind and you may have in common is their belief in themselves and the fortitude to stay committed to becoming the best they can be, while also helping others do the same, no matter what obstacles may fall in their path.


We, too, are capable of staying positive, strong and becoming successful, (in all areas of our lives). We do not need to lower our expectations below acceptable levels.

We can and will expect the best out of ourselves. We will dare to succeed. We can be happy and live rich, full lives.


So today, try humming the song "High Hopes" and remember, "Next time your found with your chin on the ground, there is a lot to be learned, so look around." Maintain your high hopes, "Your high apple pie in the sky hopes."


Make it a wonderful day!
Victoria

You Can Choose!

"With all that has happened to you, 
you can either feel sorry for yourself,
or treat all that has happened, as gifts. 
Everything is either an opportunity to grow 
or an obstacle to keep you from growing.
You get to choose."
~original author unkown


Sure, we may feel down and negative after things do not turn out the way we had hoped they would. However, in the long run, remaining in this mode only leads us to feeling more like victims.


A friend and mentor of mine, Dr. Susan Jeffers, is the author of, (among many others), Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway.  She published a list of key points on how to make better, (even if tougher), choices. 
Today I share with you:  http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/article.cfm


Another great book on how to make better choices is The Right Questions, by Debbie Ford.  Ford outlines "The 10 Right Questions" with clarity while offering a road map on how to and why: "If we want our lives to be different, better, then we must learn to make new choices which will lead us to new actions. These should be based on asking the right questions of ourselves."   When we do as Ford suggests, the chances we will experience better, more positive outcomes, goes way up.


Ford encourages the reader by reminding them that asking these questions "will give you the power and inspiration to consciously create a life you feel good about, one choice at a time."


Like Debbie Ford, I once read a statement by Tony Robbins, that continues to resonate with me today, "Quality questions create a quality life."


The choice is ours! We can choose to view experiences negatively or as opportunities for positive growth which will transform us into survivors!  If we have truly learned something, gained even better coping skills, eventually, we will think, feel and do better the next time.  


Positive growth is about being willing to ask ourselves the, tough, right questions, learning to make the best choices for ourselves and then having the courage to act upon them.


Be assured: I choose positive growth; no matter how difficult the path.


Victoria

We all need a little help; someone to lean on, once in a while!

We all need a little help sometimes!

Someone to lean

on and help us get

our feet back

on the ground.

We all can and will need some help, at sometime in our lives. Having people in our lives that we can lean on is important to our over all sense of optimal well being. Consider the words of John Donne: "No man is an island".

We can learn to accept help or "lean" on family, partners, friends and/or the random acts of kindness from strangers. We can learn to welcome and embrace it without becoming dependent on it, (this is the fear or pattern of many).

Why is it that many of us either have such a difficult time asking for help and others of us, so easily expect and rely upon it? For many, disappointment in ourselves and others have formed a brick wall around us. Such negative experiences, events and feelings may have convinced some they need no one. In fact, others' support leaves some people to feel that they cannot negotiate life without others, leaving them uncomfortably vulnerable.

This has always been an interesting phenomenon to me. Maybe the answers lies in how and what we learned as children, how we integrated this into our adult lives and the cumulative effect of previous and more recent disappointments we have experienced.

I believe there is absolutely no shame in asking for or needing help once in a while, especially when it is needed. The real shame is in living totally reliant upon it or being utterly unable or unwilling to ask for and/or receive it.

We must also remember to seek the help we need from those who are capable of doing giving it. If not, we will be setting ourselves up for even more disappointment. We must learn to choose wisely. If we ask someone and they cannot, please leave yourself open to believing that another can and will! Trust me, we, (they), are out there.

As I often write and speak about, (as with many other issues), balance is always the key!

As a national and local responder for the American Red Cross: Disaster Mental Health Team, (in addition to being a licensed mental health clinician in private practice), I have seen thousands of people in need of help.

Let us consider survivors of disasters. Most survivors are willing to accept the material type of help offered; such as food, shelter and clothing, however, there are many less willing to accept, let alone ask for, assistance dealing with their emotional state of well being.

Feeling yourself to be strong is a good thing, however,"help" is not a dirty word nor does it mean the need for it equals weakness. The truth is, we all need a little help, someone to lean on, once in a while. It should not take a major disaster or life alerting event, to be open to the notion of requiring "help".

Lest us not forget....if we, ourselves, cannot ask for or accept help, how then can we be there, fully, for others when they do? Remembering "No man, (or woman), is an island" and be a person who helps others, as well as yourself.  This really is another route to being the best we can be!

Positive Adaptation's proposes that we 'Think Feel and Do' better, become the best you, you can be, live and enjoy life to the fullest.

Let us try to 'Think, Feel and Do' better at being more open to asking for, receiving and being fully present to 'help'. May we learn how to lean on others, (when needed), and become someone who can be leaned upon.

Victoria

* Thank you to all of my "helpers". Especially DH, RRK, DRK and HK. I only hope I give back as much as I have received.