Remember: "Faith Is Believing..."

"Faith is believing in things even when common sense
 tells you not to."

This is my definition of faith, borrowed from the movie "Miracle on 34th Street".  It remains, for me, one of the most practical and simple ways to understand the concept,  I have yet to hear a better one.

Movie Clip:  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2sjRRcONOc


Although simplistic in nature, it can be quite difficult to keep believing all of the time,  Let's face it, real life can get in the way of faith, especially in adulthood.

We may not have the relationship, the job, toy  or whatever it is we so want, After all, even the real Santa Claus, (as exemplified in the movie), cannot do everything,

However, we must not lose faith, belief and our sense of wonderment in all that we can become and have, if we work for it.  The truth: Much of the work is ours to do. "Faith without works, is dead."

We can "Think, Feel and Do" our way into becoming the best we can be and thus, become capable of living and enjoying life to the fullest. This, as with any other endeavor, requires faith and belief, in  ourselves, first and foremost!

For your consideration, below is a list of some more of my favorite quotes regarding faith, (non religious in nature):

Michelangelo: "Achieving anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Faith in oneself… is the best and safest course."

Martin Luther King, Jr.: "Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

Eleanor Roosevelt: "He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more; He who loses faith, loses all."

Richard M. Devos: "The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible."

Elizabeth Barrett Browning: "If you desire faith, then you have faith enough."

Of course, having faith alone is not enough as it is said,"Faith without works is dead" is also a truism. We must learn to be our own Santas; active participants in the process of our lives.

Believing in ourselves, we can "Think, Feel and Do" better and thus enjoy our lives more fully.

Faith comes from your heart. May you keep yours near and dear in all endeavors. Keep believing and doing the work required and you too will find happiness, which itself is success.

There is no doubt  these last couple of years have been especially difficult for many us, however, if you really take a look back, I believe you may also see some positives.

Remember, "Faith is believing when common sense tell us not to". Try to keep and work towards this type of faith, this Holiday Season, and throughout the coming year.

This year, let us be grateful for all we have in our lives and have the faith, belief and willingness to make next year even better, in all areas of our lives.

Wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season.

Victoria

What Matters Most Is How You See Yourself! (Reprint)

What Matters Most

Is How You See

Yourself!

"No one can make you feel inferior without

 your permission"  ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Why then do we, all too often, give our permission and allow others to  make us feel badly about ourselves? Remember, painful as it may be to admit, they are not doing it to us, we are allowing them.  

We are in all types of 'relationships'; be they personal, professional or social, with people who we allow to diminish our own sense of self worth. In fact, we often seem to seek out these 'types'. Why?

We need to be honest with ourselves and identify the patterns of how we let these people into our lives, worse yet, once we realize their toxic effect, allow them to stay. Whether we have done so consciously or unconsciously, out of a sense of duty or obligation, the results are still the same: we feel poorly about ourselves and are unhappy. We must stop seeing ourselves through their eyes and begin to see ourselves as the best person we can be.

I suggest we allow it no more. Now is the time to learn to give ourselves permission to think, feel and do 'better'. This is the essence of 'Positive Adaptation'. Please look at the picture above once more and then you decide who do you want to be, the cat, the lion or a healthy combination of the two.

I am not suggesting that what others think or say to and about us may not offer some valuable insights.  What I am saying is that first we must consider the source. Do they really have our best interests at heart?  If so, wonderful, if not, we ought to stop listening immediately.

We need to discover who we are and who we are not, who we want to become and what are our true needs and wants are.  What will make us think and feel 'better' about ourselves? What can we do to find ourselves living 'happier', more satisfying lives, enjoying mutually satisfying relationships.

It may sound like a daunting task however this is the only way to break our old, unhealthy patterns, once and for all. The answers lie within all of us.

Let us stop giving our permission to others to feel like inferior beings. Instead, let us begin to give permission to ourselves to think, feel and do our way into being the best we know we can be.

FYI: I see myself as both a cat and a lion, it depends on what the situation calls for.  I am adaptable.

What matters most is how you see yourself. Feel free to let me know!

Victoria

Positive Adaptation - An Overview (reprint)

“Just when the caterpillar thought
it was over,




it became a butterfly”

The answer to “Now what?”, "I am just not 'happy' or "Is this it, is this all there is?", is Positive Adaptation, (PA). Whatever the the situation, problem or issue, we must ask ourselves a different question: “How am I going to emerge from this day, a 'healthier' and 'happier' person, more ready and able to truly enjoy all that life has to offer!

We need to dig deep and discover our best selves, develop new coping skills which will in turn greatly improve our lives and overall optimal well being right now and in the future.

Positive Adaptation, (PA), is a choice, a decision, way of living and handling life’s most sensitive issues. When PA becomes integrated into your life you will have more positive feelings and attitudes and as a result, more positive outcomes. Remember: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is just another form of self-sabotage. Positive Adaptation is the answer to this perplexing pattern of thought, feeling and behavior, until now, many of us have learned and practiced throughout of lives.

Literature or discussions of positive adaptation have historically been associated with positive psychology and/or traumatic events therapy. I propose a much more universal and expanded version which can be applied to everyday living. Thus, 'Positive Adaptation' emerged.

'Positive Adaptation' is: one part thinking, one part feeing and one part doing, (action). The trick is discovering how to utilize all three, not necessarily in this particular order. All three parts must be implemented throughout the process to achieve optimal positive results.

Incorporating Positive Adaptation into our daily lives is simple, but admittedly, not always easy. It takes practice and time, but it can be done! I am living proof.  I and many others have already made the choice to positively change, so can you! Life is to be lived and enjoyed, not merely survived or feeling as if you only exist.

Offering images, quotes, analogies, feel good music and personal examples, this blog will explain what Positive Adaptation is and how it works. 

It is never to soon or too late to become who you are meant to be and enjoy life to it's fullest!

Today, let us all choose to have greater positive feelings about ourselves and on our outlook on life. Just take the time to look around..... it is a wonderful world and we are part of it.

Let's begin anew today.
Victoria

(For those of you who have previously read this overview, please just consider it a gentle reminder.)

(Photos by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan)

Ruby Slippers - You Have Them Too!

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.
       ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

One of my favorite movies is The Wizard of Oz. The story encapsulates all the principle elements of what I call Positive Adaptation. It is also all about relationships; with ourselves and others.

You probably know the story line; a girl named Dorothy finds herself in a situation she neither knows how she got into nor how to get out from. She is told to follow the Yellow Brick Road to the Land of Oz where she will find the "all knowing, all powerful Wizard of Oz". 

Dorothy heads out on a fantastic journey where she meets three guides. They want to help her find her way home and hope the Wizard can help them too. The Scarecrow wants a brain, (think), Tin Man wants a heart, (feel), and the Lion wants courage, (do). 

The Wicked Witch of the West wants what Dorothy has, the Ruby Slippers. She does everything within her power to get the Ruby Slippers from Dorothy before she can reach the Wizard.  The wicked witch fails and the group returns victorious to Oz, feeling empowered and worthy of the Wizard's help.

Once there, they discover that the Wizard is not really a wizard at all, but merely a human being.  Still, he is able to help the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion. The Wizard helps them realize they already have, lying within them, exactly what it is they were searching for all along. 

And then there is Dorothy; happy for her friends but still not sure how she will get what she wants and needs - to find her way home.

Poof! Glinda, the Good Witch of the North appears and explains to Dorothy, that she too, has had the what she needed the entire time, the Ruby Slippers. She only needed Glinda to teach her of their power and then learn how to use them.  Remember....click your heals together three times?

We must learn that, deep down, we already possess, or can learn, what is required to have healthier relationships and greater life satisfaction.

Try it and you too will discover you have your own pair of 'Ruby Slippers'. You can learn to be healthier, stronger, and ultimately, achieve your own 'hearts desire'.

If you would like guidance on your own journey, please contact me, Victoria Baum - The Relationship Changer, to assist you in learning how to use your very own pair of Ruby Slippers.

Summer Break

I am on summer break!

Please, feel free to read the posts below or go through my archived posts, and pick a few to re-read for inspiration and motivation.

I hope you enjoy your summer as well!

Victoria

"What Matters Most is How You See Yourself"

http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/04/what-matters-most-is-how-you-see.html

"Enjoy The Challenge"

http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/06/enjoy-facing-challenges.html

"Ruby Slippers"

http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/04/ruby-slippers.html

"Learning to Dance In The Rain"

http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/05/learning-to-dance-in-rain.html

Begin To Be The Change You Seek - Part 2

The view from the rear view mirror

of the sign in Part 1. If you haven't already,

I suggest you read Part 1 first.

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."

~ Maya Angelou

If we are willing to be honest with ourselves, we know when we are not feeling the best we could, being the best we can be and doing the best we can. We know when we are not living and enjoying our lives to the fullest.

When we know this to our core and have a developed a pretty clear sense as to why, the next questions must then become: Now what? What am I going to do about it? Exactly how am I going to make the changes I must to Think, Feel and Do better in the future?

We need a plan, a step by step outline, so we may ultimately achieve the positive changes we seek.

The first and most important step is to determine IF we have the power to make the changes. If the power to successfully achieve positive change is within us, that is one thing. If the cause of our discontentment is someone or something else, outside of us, that is another.

Yet no matter what the source of our sense of unhappiness, please remember, we always have the power to change our attitude toward whatever or whomever is causing us this unhappiness and just how much we let it/them negatively effect us. This is especially true if the real culprit is us.

The Serenity Prayer

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

I often say to my clients and friends, "Yes, this is a simple concept, yet in reality, it is not so easy to do in everyday life." Admittedly, it may not be that easy, but indeed, doable!

Our attitude can and will, alter how we Think, Feel and Do. Negativity begets negativity. Positivity offers us a much greater chance at achieving positive results.

One of the first issues we need to address is the difference between compromise and settling. Compromise is always preferable! Is it realistic to believe you and the other person are both willing and capable to make the necessary changes so that both your wants and needs are met? Is a healthy compromise possible? If so, I say go for it!

On the other hand, "Settling", (I define as, accepting the unacceptable), I do not recommend to anyone. Settling is certainly not, nor should ever be considered, a long term solution to any of our "problems".

Settling is the road which may have lead us here, to this unhappy place. It most certainly will not lead us to the changes and happiness we seek. In fact, remaining on this old road, more times than not, eventually will lead us to feel even worse, more resentful toward ourselves and others, as no real, acceptable changes have been made. We deserve better than this.

We must make the necessary changes, break old patterns of thought, feeling and actions, learn to compromise and not settle, so that we may create conditions to be ripe for us to Think, Feel and Do, better.

We must try new ways! Take the "Change exit off the old road". This is the path which will lead us to living and enjoying a happier life - one filled with happiness and joy.

We should never settle for less than we are capable of, or willing to do or worth. Would you ask your child, spouse or anyone else you love to settle? I think not!  So, why then would you ask this of yourself? Ask the best of yourself and you will see and feel positive results.

We must believe we are worth more/better and then learn to Think, Feel and Do, better. Be the change you seek and you shall find it.

Positive change and greater happiness are just one exit away on the road of life! Take it and begin to be the change you seek! 

More thoughts on how to achieve positive change coming in next posts. I hope you will stay with me on this journey.

Victoria

We Are The Change We Seek!

"Be the change you want to see in the world."

~ Gandhi

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person, some other time. We are the ones we have been waiting for. We are the change we seek."

~ Pres. Barack Obama

If you have read any of my posts, (especially if you have read several of them), you know I believe this to be true: If you are not feeling your best and/or believe your relationships could be better, the time for change is now.

I am not suggesting just waking up and ending a marriage, breaking off a relationship or any other sudden shift in your life. However, nor should we just sit and wait for other people, situations or "things" around us to change. Things don't change....People do!

What have the power to change ourselves, at anytime. NOTE: Just because that's the way it's always been does not mean that's the way it always has to be.

(This may be a great time to re-read my post entitled "Ruby Slippers"!)

If you can honestly say, (as you are already feeling), you are not as happy as you believe you can be then the answer is simple:  The time for change is now! Why not begin your positive changes today?

As a clinician, I often hear, "Well, yes, I want things to change, me to change, BUT...I am scared of it too!" Fair enough, many of us are fearful of change. So maybe, right now, you cannot say, "I want to change!" and mean it 100%. Maybe you are only ready to say, "I want to want to change." That is good enough for now. That too, is a start!

With an open mind and heart, time and work, you too will get here. If you can learn to believe in yourself and believe you deserve to be happy, you will make the necessary changes.

First we must think and feel about what, exactly, it is that is not "working" for us right now. Besides not having won the lottery last night, (as money does not buy happiness anyway, it only makes misery more comfortable), we must ask ourselves some important questions. WHY am I not happy and WHAT can I DO to change this?

Are we taking good enough care of ourselves? Do we like/love ourselves as much as we can? Whether it be a relationship or job, or just feeling "stuck" or stagnant in our lives, remember to consider: Is it really them or me who needs to make the changes? Even if you wish they would change, would your making the necessary changes you need at least help your situation? *Again, remember, we cannot change them, ("they" have to be willing and capable of change).

Part 2 will be all about the How To's! Once we have a pretty clear idea as to what changes are needed, the question then becomes: Now what? and What are we going to DO about it? We need a plan, a step by step outline, so we may ultimately achieve the changes we seek and also be able to measure how we are doing along the way.

I feel the winds of change in the air. Do you?

Feel free to contact me for assistance on your journey! Visit: http://www.victoriabaum.com

I look forward to hearing from you!
Victoria

Break on Through To The Other Side

"The doors we open and close each day

decide the lives we live."

~Flora Whittemore

How many times have your heard the saying, "When one door closes, another one opens"? We often forget this in times of crisis, disappointment and unwanted change.

Barring tragedies, we need to ask ourselves: "Am I going to let this door hit me in the rear or am I going to 'break on through to the other side'?"

The choice is ours: whether to be the victim of change or a survivor of change. (I always advocate for being a survivor, and, therefore, 'a thriver'!)

Often, the doors that close end up being what was best for us, in the long run, anyway.  This is especially true when it comes to the ending unhealthy relationships.

Let's be honest, whether it be fear or insecurities, we, humans, are not prone to make changes until it hurts us, enough, to force us to.

The choice is ours: whether to be the victim of change or a survivor of change.

I always advocate for being a survivor, and therefore, 'a thriver'!

 "The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live." It is through these doors you will discover your best self and, thus, learn to enjoy more of what life has in store.

You can "break on through to the other side".

* If you would like assistance with learning to be a survivor and your best self, please contact me:   Victoria Baum - The Relationship Changer    (www.victoriabaum.com)

Happy Thanksgiving - Gratitude Is Both An Attitude And Action

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."  
      ~ John F. Kennedy

No matter what has happened this year, I am certain, if you really think about it, you can find much to be grateful for.

May we show our gratitude, in word and deed, all year long.

And then maybe, just maybe, there will be even more to feel grateful for.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, from me and mine.

Victoria

Don't Settle, Only Compromise

"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for."
~ Maureen Dowd, N.Y. Times

I define settling as: accepting the unacceptable.  Oddly enough, many of us seem to continually rationalize, (especially in our relationships), lowering our standards of what is acceptable to us, (having our needs and most of our wants met), until at some point, we are so miserable and find out what we have settled for.  And we wonder how we got here.

I am completely in favor of compromise.  Compromise is defined: as the result of a process of communication and give and take, we mutually agree to make concessions so that all parties feel it is fair and equitable.

Sure, we may have to give something up, but we are doing so in an effort to get our needs and wants met and help others do the same.

We generally do not find ourselves miserable when the art of compromise is used. No, that misery is left for those who settle for less than having their needs and most of their wants met.

We can all do better.  Once you believe in yourself and understand that you are worth more, you too can learn the art and benefits of compromise.  Will we always get what we need and want, (especially from other people), probably not. This is when acceptance and Positive Adaptation are very helpful.

Life is too short to "settle".  Today, find where you may be settling for less than you need, want or deserve and apply compromise to the situation.  You will "Think, Feel and Do" better for it.

Make it a great one!
Victoria

Slow Down - Feelin Groovy

"Slow down, you're movin' too fast, you got to make the morning last.

Just kickn' down the cobblestones, looking for fun and feelin' groovy"

 ~ Simon & Garfunkel

As the pace of life has sped up so fast, for most of us, let us try, (each day), to remember the words above.

Many people expect their actions to have immediate and positive results. Unfortunately, that is not how it generally works, especially with emotions, (yours or those of others).

Time, alone, does not change much. However, time, with more positive, consistent behaviors and attitudes, does!

I am not suggesting that we stop positively changing and growing, only that we slow down and enjoy the process a bit more.  

It is in this time of reflection and celebration that I find I enjoy and celebrate myself, others, and life in general, much more.

This is when I feel most "groovy"!

Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.

Victoria

Learning To Dance In The Rain

Considering Hurricane Irma is at my doorstep, I thought this appropriate to post again!

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass...  

it is about learning to dance in the rain."

~ Vivanne Grenne

As the weather outside is stormy and pouring down rain, (here in Florida),  I asked myself: "Do I dance in the rain or just sit around inside waiting for it to pass." The honest answer is both, but I find dancing to be the better of the two options.

Many people believe they can only enjoy life to the fullest when they have a lot of money, are in a wonderfully romantic relationship, have a successful career, etc.  Not so! Consider this: money does not buy happiness, it only makes misery more comfortable.  

We do not have to wait for something or someone to 'happen to us' for us to feel worthy and capable of feeling happiness. In fact, until now, that way of thinking has allowed countless opportunities for happiness and positive personal growth to pass us by.

True happiness is not found in the 'whens' of life, it is found within us and is within our reach, here, now, today. If we learn to value and have a good relationship with ourselves, feel competent, (and be there for others), then we have what we need to enjoy life right now. Having the willingness to be open to new and different ways of viewing ourselves and embracing our ability to adapt to changes, (which are bound to occur), are vital to the process of finding and sustaining happiness.  

Will we feel happy all of the time? No.  However, next time you see clouds on the horizon, you can choose not to grumble about the impending storm. Instead, you can choose to enjoy it and view this as an opportunity to think, feel and do something differently.

Think about this: When we are young, dancing in the rain is fun and a perfectly acceptable form of behavior.  I say it still is; both literally and metaphorically.

I am going out to dance in the rain myself now!
But come in when the winds pick up!! :)
Stay safe.

Victoria

Positive, Healthy Personal Boundaries (Part Two)

Positive, healthy personal boundaries are like fences. They are there to protect us from harm while at the same time, allow us to feel free to be our best selves, find the peace and happiness we seek. 

However, they are not walls, which are built with the purpose of allowing nothing, (nor anyone), to get in or out. The 'right' boundaries will not serve to isolate us from others, rather, they allow us to fully enjoy positive relationships and situations.

As stated in "Part One", a vital key to keeping balance in your life is found through the process of developing and maintaing healthy personal boundaries in all areas.

Positive Adaptation proposes we become our best selves and enjoy life to the fullest, both personally and professionally. Therefore, making changes to pre-existing, developing and maintaing new, healthier boundaries is one way in which we can achieve this goal.

How to set the best boundaries for yourself:

1. Acknowledge to yourself you have the right to want and need your own set of positive, healthy personal boundaries.

- Remind yourself this is part of any healthy self-care program and enables you to be the best you can be. You are your own person, as defined by you, (not others).

2. Examine where you feel yours are being crossed.

- We usually can feel it. We can get angry, resentful, sometimes sad; we know when something isn't right. The cause is often allowing others to cross our boundaries without our invitation or consent to do so.

3. Trust and believe in you and the boundaries you set.

- Trust and believe in yourself enough to know what you need and want, (or don't), and settle for nothing less.

4. Effectively communicate these boundaries honestly and clearly, to all to whom they apply.

- "Say what you mean and mean what you say." Our boundaries can be expressed without hostility. State them when needed and stand by them. (Remember to  allow others the same right.)

5. Learn to say, "No", without guilt.

- This is the most difficult one for many of us, I believe. We need to recognize that, (generally, non emergencies), other people's needs and wants are NOT more important than our own.

We cannot take care of anyone else, unless we are taking care of ourselves, first. (For more, read my post titled "Put Your Mask On".)

The most important person who needs to respect your boundaries is You! If you don't take responsibility for them, protect and enforce them, no one else will either. 

Remember, others have their own boundaries which need to be respected as well.

You are seeking progress not perfection. When we reexamine and reset our boundaries we are taking care of, protecting and improving our relationships, with ourselves and others.

Whether it be personal, family or professional relationships or any other situations, positive; healthy personal boundaries help keep our joy safe and sound.

To your boundaries and joy....

Victoria

Positive, Healthy Personal Boundaries (Part One)

Learning to set and maintain positive, healthy, personal boundaries is one of the most important steps in promoting a better sense of ones' self and thus, ultimately becoming capable of effectively communicating your self worth to others.

Changing our relationship with ourselves, first, is a critical component to making any long term changes in our relationships with others. 

Positive, healthy personal boundaries are a set of physical, emotional and mental limits we establish in order to 1) best protect ourselves from any type of harm 2) Allow healthy people and relationships into our lives, while keeping out those that are not and 3) help us express ourselves as the unique individuals that we are, while simultaneously acknowledging and respecting the same in others.

We must learn to recognize that we are all individuals with our own thoughts, feelings, attitudes and values. This means we must also acknowledge the same is true for our spouses, children, friends, coworkers and others.

We are all entitled to have our boundaries respected and honored. This is the only way to have healthy relationships, of any sort, in our lives. This is a one important way to achieve the long term improvement you seek.

It is not possible to have a healthy relationship, of any kind, with someone who has no boundaries nor someone who cannot communicate their needs and wants, effectively and honestly. Therefore, learning to set your own personal boundaries is a vital step in learning to be a good friend to ourselves, as well, as others.

We change and grow as we experience life's transitions. You may have grown up and out of your past and current boundaries, even those which had once 'worked' or were unknown to us.

It may be time to reevaluate who we are, (now), who we want to become, and in what ways we would like to improve all the relationships in our  lives, beginning with ourselves!

Promoting new, positive, healthier boundaries is a wonderful place to begin. Remember, it is never to late to establish, reestablish and/or maintain positive, healthy boundaries for yourself.

Please consider where your boundaries are and where you would like them to be.

I will discuss this topic in more depth, (i.e,: 'How'),  in: Positive, Healthy Personal Boundaries - Part Two, coming soon.

Until then, please consider the fact that you have the 'right and a need' for healthy boundaries and so do others. The truth, however, is ours and theirs, do not always 'mesh' well, (at least not anymore).

Take the first step: Actually review your current personal boundaries and see which ones still apply, which no lone work well for you and therefore, must change!

Victoria

Photo by: Victoria Baum, (Sidewalk Cafe in Quebec City)

Let's Play Ball!

"It's hard to beat

 a guy who never

 gives up."

~ Babe Ruth

Everyday offers its own, new opportunity. You can build on yesterday's success or put it behind you and start again today.

"That is the way life is; a new game every day and that's the way baseball is." ~Bob Feller

We cannot be 'happier' if we do not at least try!  Positive Adaptation offers a way to Think, Feel and Do your way into being the best you can be and enjoying life to the fullest.  Life is too short not to at least take a swing at it!

Consider the movie "Field of Dreams".  You know, "If you build it, they will come". Kevin Kostner's character thought about it, felt deeply and then did what most thought was the impossible: he built it, (the field),  and they did come! He fulfilled his dream and shared it with others. So can you!

"There are three types of baseball players: those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who wonder what happens." ~Tommy Lasorda.  Which one do you want to be?  

Lou Gehrig, even after discovering he was terminally ill, kept a positive attitude. He told the entire world he might have had "a tough break" but still considered himself "to be the luckiest man on earth".  

You cannot win unless you play, right? So today, make the decision not to sit in the stands, just watching, rather, choose to get in the game of life!

Remember, it is not whether you win or loose, it is how you play the game. All any of us can ever do is be and do our best.

There is no such thing as three strikes and you are out in life! Keep at it and you are bound to hit one out of the park!

Victoria

Remembering on Father's Day, (and everyday)!

Dad, Opa, Professor, General, (Ret.)

Bernard H. Baum

It has been 9 years since my father died, yet it feels like yesterday. Every Father's Day, I remember this saying: "Death ends a life, not a relationship." How true!

We are blessed to know, love and be loved by such special people. We do not need forget or get over them, rather, we ought to remember and embrace all that we shared. After all, is not this the way to truly honor them and the relationship we share?

My Oma, (his mother, my grandmother), as a small child, once told me, in attempt to explain death, "The people you love and who love you, never really die because you carry them in your heart.  In fact, every time you speak kindly of them, share a memory or story about them, you spread their spirit to others and that is what keeps them alive in yours, and others, hearts."

There are so many stories, things he used to say, (we call them "Bernie or Opa isms"), and ways in which he is still with all he knew and loved. He said, "Anyone can be a "parent", but a "Dad" is built, one experience after another."

Today, I will celebrate my father and the wonderful relationship WE LEARNED to have by honoring and cherishing the good memories and make a point to share them with others. 

Tell that someone special in your life today that you love them!  Give them a big hug.  Remember someone special today that is gone.  I promise, you will both feel better for it.

He used to say, "I am blessed".  No Dad, we were all blessed.

Victoria

(Proud and loving daughter)

What Matters Is What Happens In You!

"Things may happen around you

and things may happen to you,

but the only thing that really matters

is what happens in you."

~Elise Robinson

Whether we are in the midst of chaos, just getting by or doing well, we can always do better! We need to fill our minds with positivity to seek out opportunities and solutions, which until now, we had yet to consider. To achieve this, we must change how we view ourselves and our world around us.

We all need a plan, a road map if you will. Positive Adaptation is just that: 'Think, Feel and Do' your best and then you will live and enjoy life to the fullest.

When faced with a 'problem' or you are baffled as to what to do next, instead of being fearful or angry, try looking at it for what it really is: an opportunity for positive personal growth.

'Think, Feel and Do' differently than you have in the past. Open your heart and mind to all the of possibilities. With this type of positive view, (and actions), your results are much more likely to be positive, as well.

In our ongoing search for our best selves, a life filled with love, health and happiness, let us remember what matters most is what happens inside of ourselves.

Victoria

Happy Mother's Day

My First Mother's Day - 1994

My father used to say; "May every day be Mother's Day, may roses grow along your way".  Yes, Dad, (and Mom), roses do grow along my way. Now I even stop to smell them!

I have to say, being Jordan's mother has, (and continues to be), the greatest joy of my life!

I invite all of you to joyfully celebrate the day. Whether you are a mother, a father, an adult child...please, celebrate yourselves and those who have helped you along your journey!

May you find joy in this day and all the days that follow.

Victoria
aka: Mom

Continue Changing, Maturing and Creating Yourself, Endlessly!

"To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly."

~ Henri Bergson (French Philosopher)

It might be said that life, at every moment, is creating something.

It is not always true that just because 'That is the way it HAS always been' means that is the way it Will always be.

This way of thinking of, or viewing ourselves, is especially untrue when applied to our ability to change, from the inside out.

Utilizing Positive Adaptation we can 'Think, Feel and Do', better; become the best we can be, thus able to live and enjoy life to the fullest!

Everyday offers us all the opportunity to become more true to ourselves and therefore, others. We must be willing to mature, gain wisdom and allow ourselves to develop into the best possible 'us' we can be.

Everyday, every moment, we have the ability to positively change, mature and create ourselves! The results of theses changes will be our feeling better about ourselves, our decisions and life, in general.

Please re-read some of the previous posts, think about how you would like you and your life to change and then work on you to achieve the change you seek.

Life is a cycle and everyday offers us a new opportunity for change. Today, let us all be willing to choose to take advantage of it!

Victoria

Photos by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

Gonna Fly Now and Be Our Best

"If I can change, and you can change, everyone can change."~ Rocky Balboa, (Rocky IV)

"It ain't how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward.  That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!"
 ~ Rocky Balboa   Speaking to his son (2006)

All anyone has to do is listen to the beginning of the theme song, (Gonna Fly Now, by Bill Conti, on the right side of this text), and instantly one begins to feel 'pumped up'.  I know it always works for my husband and I.

Who better to learn about becoming the best you can be than from Rocky Balboa! A regular guy, an underdog, who gets a one in a million chance to fight for the title of World Heavyweight Champion of the world, 

However,  let us not forget....Rocky had to earn the title. He did so, (unknowingly), by practicing 'Positive Adaptation: 'Think, Feel and Do', to become your best self. When you do, then you, too can live and enjoy life to the fullest!

Rocky trained and trained hard, to become stronger, faster, more agile, lighter on his feet and as become as good a puncher with his left hand as he was with his right. A tall order, indeed.

But most importantly, Rocky had to gain the sense of self worth, and belief in himself, that he was worth it. He learned he could keep trying when he didn't intially succeed and survive taking set backs, (the punches). Eventually, Rocky found he could go the distance and come out a winner!

We are all champs when we Think, Feel and Do our best.

Keep your eye on the prize, becoming your best self
. 
You're gonna fly now because you are worth it!

Victoria