Saturday, August 4, 2018

Summer Break



I on a summer break!  However, please, feel free to read the posts below or go through my archived posts, and pick a few ones to re-read for inspiration and motivation.

Sunday, March 25, 2018

Begin To Be The Change You Seek - Part 2


The view from the rear view mirror
of the sign in Part 1. If you haven't already,
I suggest you read Part 1 first.

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."
~ Maya Angelou

If we are willing to be honest with ourselves, we know when we are not feeling the best we could, being the best we can be and doing the best we can. We know when we are not living and enjoying our lives to the fullest.

When we know this to our core and have a developed a pretty clear sense as to why, the next questions must then become: Now what? What am I going to do about it? Exactly how am I going to make the changes I must to Think, Feel and Do better in the future?

We need a plan, a step by step outline, so we may ultimately achieve the positive changes we seek.

The first and most important step is to determine IF we have the power to make the changes. If the power to successfully achieve positive change is within us, that is one thing. If the cause of our discontentment is someone or something else, outside of us, that is another.

Yet no matter what the source of our sense of unhappiness, please remember, we always have the power to change our attitude toward whatever or whomever is causing us this unhappiness and just how much we let it/them negatively effect us. This is especially true if the real culprit is us.

The Serenity Prayer
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

I often say to my clients and friends, "Yes, this is a simple concept, yet in reality, it is not so easy to do in everyday life." Admittedly, it may not be that easy, but indeed, doable!

Our attitude can and will, alter how we Think, Feel and Do. Negativity begets negativity. Positivity offers us a much greater chance at achieving positive results.

One of the first issues we need to address is the difference between compromise and settling. Compromise is always preferable! Is it realistic to believe you and the other person are both willing and capable to make the necessary changes so that both your wants and needs are met? Is a healthy compromise possible? If so, I say go for it!

On the other hand, "Settling", (I define as, accepting the unacceptable), I do not recommend to anyone. Settling is certainly not, nor should ever be considered, a long term solution to any of our "problems".

Settling is the road which may have lead us here, to this unhappy place. It most certainly will not lead us to the changes and happiness we seek. In fact, remaining on this old road, more times than not, eventually will lead us to feel even worse, more resentful toward ourselves and others, as no real, acceptable changes have been made. We deserve better than this.

We must make the necessary changes, break old patterns of thought, feeling and actions, learn to compromise and not settle, so that we may create conditions to be ripe for us to Think, Feel and Do, better.

We must try new ways! Take the "Change exit off the old road". This is the path which will lead us to living and enjoying a happier life - one filled with happiness and joy.

We should never settle for less than we are capable of, or willing to do or worth. Would you ask your child, spouse or anyone else you love to settle? I think not!  So, why then would you ask this of yourself? Ask the best of yourself and you will see and feel positive results.

We must believe we are worth more/better and then learn to Think, Feel and Do, better. Be the change you seek and you shall find it.

Positive change and greater happiness are just one exit away on the road of life! Take it and begin to be the change you seek! 

More thoughts on how to achieve positive change coming in next posts. I hope you will stay with me on this journey.

Victoria


Thursday, February 1, 2018

We Are The Change We Seek!

"Be the change you want to see in the world."
~ Gandhi

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person, some other time. We are the ones we have been waiting for. We are the change we seek."
~ Pres. Barack Obama

If you have read any of my posts, (especially if you have read several of them), you know I believe this to be true: If you are not feeling your best and/or believe your relationships could be better, the time for change is now.

I am not suggesting just waking up and ending a marriage, breaking off a relationship or any other sudden shift in your life. However, nor should we just sit and wait for other people, situations or "things" around us to change. Things don't change....People do!

What have the power to change ourselves, at anytime. NOTE: Just because that's the way it's always been does not mean that's the way it always has to be.

(This may be a great time to re-read my post entitled "Ruby Slippers"!)

If you can honestly say, (as you are already feeling), you are not as happy as you believe you can be then the answer is simple:  The time for change is now! Why not begin your positive changes today?

As a clinician, I often hear, "Well, yes, I want things to change, me to change, BUT...I am scared of it too!" Fair enough, many of us are fearful of change. So maybe, right now, you cannot say, "I want to change!" and mean it 100%. Maybe you are only ready to say, "I want to want to change." That is good enough for now. That too, is a start!

With an open mind and heart, time and work, you too will get here. If you can learn to believe in yourself and believe you deserve to be happy, you will make the necessary changes.

First we must think and feel about what, exactly, it is that is not "working" for us right now. Besides not having won the lottery last night, (as money does not buy happiness anyway, it only makes misery more comfortable), we must ask ourselves some important questions. WHY am I not happy and WHAT can I DO to change this?

Are we taking good enough care of ourselves? Do we like/love ourselves as much as we can? Whether it be a relationship or job, or just feeling "stuck" or stagnant in our lives, remember to consider: Is it really them or me who needs to make the changes? Even if you wish they would change, would your making the necessary changes you need at least help your situation? *Again, remember, we cannot change them, ("they" have to be willing and capable of change).

Part 2 will be all about the How To's! Once we have a pretty clear idea as to what changes are needed, the question then becomes: Now what? and What are we going to DO about it? We need a plan, a step by step outline, so we may ultimately achieve the changes we seek and also be able to measure how we are doing along the way.

I feel the winds of change in the air. Do you?

Feel free to contact me for assistance on your journey! Visit: http://www.victoriabaum.com

I look forward to hearing from you!
Victoria


Thursday, January 18, 2018

Break on Through To The Other Side


"The doors we open and close each day
decide the lives we live."
~Flora Whittemore

How many times have your heard the saying, "When one door closes, another one opens"? We often forget this in times of crisis, disappointment and unwanted change.

Barring tragedies, we need to ask ourselves: "Am I going to let this door hit me in the rear or am I going to 'break on through to the other side'?"

The choice is ours: whether to be the victim of change or a survivor of change. (I always advocate for being a survivor, and, therefore, 'a thriver'!)

Often, the doors that close end up being what was best for us, in the long run, anyway.  This is especially true when it comes to the ending unhealthy relationships.

Let's be honest, whether it be fear or insecurities, we, humans, are not prone to make changes until it hurts us, enough, to force us to.

The choice is ours: whether to be the victim of change or a survivor of change.
I always advocate for being a survivor, and therefore, 'a thriver'!

 "The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live." It is through these doors you will discover your best self and, thus, learn to enjoy more of what life has in store.

You can "break on through to the other side".

* If you would like assistance with learning to be a survivor and your best self, please contact me:   Victoria Baum - The Relationship Changer    (www.victoriabaum.com)




Sunday, January 7, 2018

Ruby Slippers - You Have Them Too!


What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.
       ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson


One of my favorite movies is The Wizard of Oz. The story encapsulates all the principle elements of what I call Positive Adaptation. It is also all about relationships; with ourselves and others.

You probably know the story line; a girl named Dorothy finds herself in a situation she neither knows how she got into nor how to get out from. She is told to follow the Yellow Brick Road to the Land of Oz where she will find the "all knowing, all powerful Wizard of Oz". 

Dorothy heads out on a fantastic journey where she meets three guides. They want to help her find her way home and hope the Wizard can help them too. The Scarecrow wants a brain, (think), Tin Man wants a heart, (feel), and the Lion wants courage, (do). 

The Wicked Witch of the West wants what Dorothy has, the Ruby Slippers. She does everything within her power to get the Ruby Slippers from Dorothy before she can reach the Wizard.  The wicked witch fails and the group returns victorious to Oz, feeling empowered and worthy of the Wizard's help.

Once there, they discover that the Wizard is not really a wizard at all, but merely a human being.  Still, he is able to help the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion. The Wizard helps them realize they already have, lying within them, exactly what it is they were searching for all along. 

And then there is Dorothy; happy for her friends but still not sure how she will get what she wants and needs - to find her way home.

Poof! Glinda, the Good Witch of the North appears and explains to Dorothy, that she too, has had the what she needed the entire time, the Ruby Slippers. She only needed Glinda to teach her of their power and then learn how to use them.  Remember....click your heals together three times?

We must learn that, deep down, we already possess, or can learn, what is required to have healthier relationships and greater life satisfaction.

Try it and you too will discover you have your own pair of 'Ruby Slippers'. You can learn to be healthier, stronger, and ultimately, achieve your own 'hearts desire'.

If you would like guidance on your own journey, please contact me, Victoria Baum - The Relationship Changer, to assist you in learning how to use your very own pair of Ruby Slippers.