What Matters Most Is How You See Yourself!

What Matters Most

Is How You See

Yourself!

"No one can make you feel inferior without

 your permission"  ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Why then do we, all too often, give our permission and allow others to  make us feel badly about ourselves? Remember, painful as it may be to admit, they are not doing it to us, we are allowing them.  

We are in all types of 'relationships'; be they personal, professional or social, with people who we allow to diminish our own sense of self worth. In fact, we often seem to seek out these 'types'. Why?

We need to be honest with ourselves and identify the patterns of how we let these people into our lives, worse yet, once we realize their toxic effect, allow them to stay. Whether we have done so consciously or unconsciously, out of a sense of duty or obligation, the results are still the same: we feel poorly about ourselves and are unhappy. We must stop seeing ourselves through their eyes and begin to see ourselves as the best person we can be.

I suggest we allow it no more. Now is the time to learn to give ourselves permission to think, feel and do 'better'. This is the essence of 'Positive Adaptation'. Please look at the picture above once more and then you decide who do you want to be, the cat, the lion or a healthy combination of the two.

I am not suggesting that what others think or say to and about us may not offer some valuable insights.  What I am saying is that first we must consider the source. Do they really have our best interests at heart?  If so, wonderful, if not, we ought to stop listening immediately.

We need to discover who we are and who we are not, who we want to become and what are our true needs and wants are.  What will make us think and feel 'better' about ourselves? What can we do to find ourselves living 'happier', more satisfying lives, enjoying mutually satisfying relationships.

It may sound like a daunting task however this is the only way to break our old, unhealthy patterns, once and for all. The answers lie within all of us.

Let us stop giving our permission to others to feel like inferior beings. Instead, let us begin to give permission to ourselves to think, feel and do our way into being the best we know we can be.

FYI: I see myself as both a cat and a lion, it depends on what the situation calls for.  I am adaptable.

What matters most is how you see yourself. Feel free to let me know!

Victoria

Keep Your Balance - How and Why

"Life is a great 

balancing act" 

~ Dr. Suess

"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony"  

~ Thomas Merton

We do not have to wait until we have lost our balance, completely, to find it. The key to keeping your balance is to first acknowledge you may be feeling a bit wobbly. 

Consider yourself a gymnast on the balance beam of life. Have you ever watched what they do when they realize they are losing their balance? They start to wobble, then their arms start to flail around, all in an effort to regain control, find their center and solid footing, back on that beam.  Do they ever fall off the beam, sure, sometimes, but please take note: they always get back up and try again. So can we.

We do have a lot to balance in our lives: family, friends, work, financial concerns, community and personal, 'me', time. It is simple but not so easy! We can only decide to do our best by continually trying to find our center, keep our balance and stay up on that beam.  

When our lives are in balance we feel better, our self esteem and sense of worth is higher, our relationships are at their best and it is here we find our greatest joy and true happiness. This is what living life to the fullest is all about!

Positive Adaptation can assist you: 'Think, Feel and Do'. We can begin by prioritizing, placing in a healthy order, our needs and wants; they are not the same. Think and feel about each one; which are your highest priorities, why and when you discover what is what and who is who... DO something about it.  A balance beam is always just a balance beam, things don't change, we do. 

Discover where your center is and you will have found your balance. The good news is you already possess what you need. It is already inside you waiting to be found and utilized, (see older post "Ruby Slippers').  

Albert Einstein said: "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving".  We are human so we may indeed lose our balance and fall off once in a while.  

Let's make the decision to keep moving forward to our place of balance as this is where our happiness lies.  If we get wobbly, we will just keep at it!

"And will we succeed? 98  3/4% Guaranteed!"   From: "Oh The Places You Will Go", by Dr. Seuss, my pick for greatest 'self help' book ever written.

Enjoy...

Victoria

Standing In Your Truth

Let us take a moment
out and reflect upon...

Standing In Your Truth.

Stand in what truths you ask?  Ask yourselves the questions below for starters:

1. Who am I, really? (Now, today, not who I used to think I was or who others told me I was.)
2. Have I identified my current thought, feeling and behavioral  patterns?
3. Are any of them no longer useful, or worse, now harmful to me? 
4. Have I given serious consideration as to how to go about making the necessary changes, in myself, so I may break these old and harmful patterns?
5. In what positive ways would I better experience life and love, when I succeeded in doing so?
6. Am I ready to Stand In My Truth and begin the process of positive change, today?

If the answer to #6 is a resounding YES, then, please, stick with it.

Stand in your truth, as this is where real personal freedom is found.


Please review the archive of some of older posts on this blog.  Choose a few titles that catch your eye or appear to address the change you seek and read on.  After doing so, please go back and ask yourselves these same 6 questions above, once again.

I think you will see, we all have ways in which we can make positive changes in ourselves, learn to live and love on much richer and deeper levels and above all, enjoy life to its' fullest!

Enjoy the moments. The very best ones are when you are standing in your truth.

Victoria

(photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan)

Coping With Disappointment, Better!

"Things are simply what they are. We cannot always choose our external circumstance, but we can choose how we respond to them."

~ Epictetus - The Art of Living

I understand dealing with disappointment can feel overwhelming sometimes. It is hard enough to cope with the emotions and outcomes that are caused by our own actions, however, in most incidences we make a concerted effort not to disappoint ourselves again, at least not in the same way.

But when someone or something outside of ourselves, (i.e. a spouse, friend, child, finances and/or job related issue), disappoints us, what can we really do about it? I say, the same thing! We can make valiant efforts to cope better and do all we can to avoid "it" from happening again.

First, avoid simply dismissing your feelings about it. Your feelings are important. Instead, try to 'Think, Feel and Do' something different about it. More specifically: 1) Identifying and learn to understand what, exactly, you are disappointed about, 2) How and why did you become so disappointed and 3) Discover what are you really feeling and how you can come to a state of peace and resolution with what has occurred.

These steps, although difficult and often painful at times, can transform the actual event(s) from being negatives into vital and wonderful learning experiences.

"Even the most confusing and hurtful aspects of life can be made more tolerable by clear seeing and by choice." If we can figure out the how's, why's and what's, we may be able to prevent the same from occurring again, thus increasing our likelihood of experiencing even greater success and happiness in the future.

Disappointment is merely a part of "normal" life and the process of becoming the best we can be. Therefore, do not give in to disappointments. Rather, allow them to strengthen your resolve to continue in the pursuit of achieving your dreams and aspirations.

Maintain hope for the future, but live in the present. We can make today an "okay" day and work on tomorrow being even better. With a more positive attitude, (admittedly not easy all the time), there is much less room in our lives for the negative effects of our disappointments to dominate us, leaving us much more room for experiencing joyfulness.

We can and will cope, (better), with whatever comes our way.

Do not allow your spirit to be broken, by yourself or anyone else.

You will see, through practicing Positive Adaptation, in time, more will be revealed. Believe....the best you is yet to come.

Victoria

You Can't Please Everyone, So....

"But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone so ya got to please yourself"

~Ricky Nelson ("Garden Party")

Living life trying to please everyone is not only a daunting task, but is nearly impossible to do and remain healthy, (emotionally and/or physically), simultaneously. Of course we want to make other people happy but it cannot be at our own expense.

Attempting to live your life this way is how one becomes, (or remains), what is commonly know as a "People Pleaser" and is not the way to be your best self, live and enjoy life to the fullest. You cannot please everyone, but we must try to be truly pleased with ourselves. We must learn and continue to understand where 'they' end and 'we' begin.

Utilizing the principles of Positive Adaptation, you can learn to both please yourself and many others as well. We must 'Think, Feel and Do' our way into new, healthier and more realistic life skills.

Saying "No" or "Not now", once in a while, especially when necessary, is healthy. Being a parent has helped me learn this lesson well. Just imagine if we never heard or used the word 'no'. 'No' is a part of teaching, learning and practicing healthy boundaries. How many hot stoves should a child be allowed to put their hands on?

We can not be everything to everyone nor can we do everything, especially at the same time. What we can be and do is our best. This is true for all relationships; including marriage, dating, friendships, parenting, as well as, in the work place.

The truth is everyone may not be happy with us 100% of the time but we must remain true to ourselves. If not, the results will be that WE will be unhappy most of the time!

Take a moment out today when something is asked of you. Please give extra consideration to your answer. Ask yourself: "Is this the answer I really want to give or the answer I feel I am supposed to or need to give as to avoid experiencing rejection or conflict?"

In other words, try Positive Adaptation and 'Think, Feel and Do' differently today. If you feel 'No', 'Not now" or 'I really would rather not.', go ahead, express it, (in the nicest, most respectful fashion, of course).

Others, just as you have, will live through being told 'no' once in awhile. We cannot be the best we can be if we never do. Being a 'people pleaser' is not the way to emotional or physical health and well being.... being the best you can be today is.

'Think, Feel and Do' your best today. Try saying 'no' if that is how you really feel. Remember, you can't please everyone but you must try to be pleased with yourself!

Good luck!

Victoria

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan