Thursday, February 1, 2018

We Are The Change We Seek!

"Be the change you want to see in the world."
~ Gandhi

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person, some other time. We are the ones we have been waiting for. We are the change we seek."
~ Pres. Barack Obama

If you have read any of my posts, (especially if you have read several of them), you know I believe this to be true: If you are not feeling your best and/or believe your relationships could be better, the time for change is now.

I am not suggesting just waking up and ending a marriage, breaking off a relationship or any other sudden shift in your life. However, nor should we just sit and wait for other people, situations or "things" around us to change. Things don't change....People do!

What have the power to change ourselves, at anytime. NOTE: Just because that's the way it's always been does not mean that's the way it always has to be.

(This may be a great time to re-read my post entitled "Ruby Slippers"!)

If you can honestly say, (as you are already feeling), you are not as happy as you believe you can be then the answer is simple:  The time for change is now! Why not begin your positive changes today?

As a clinician, I often hear, "Well, yes, I want things to change, me to change, BUT...I am scared of it too!" Fair enough, many of us are fearful of change. So maybe, right now, you cannot say, "I want to change!" and mean it 100%. Maybe you are only ready to say, "I want to want to change." That is good enough for now. That too, is a start!

With an open mind and heart, time and work, you too will get here. If you can learn to believe in yourself and believe you deserve to be happy, you will make the necessary changes.

First we must think and feel about what, exactly, it is that is not "working" for us right now. Besides not having won the lottery last night, (as money does not buy happiness anyway, it only makes misery more comfortable), we must ask ourselves some important questions. WHY am I not happy and WHAT can I DO to change this?

Are we taking good enough care of ourselves? Do we like/love ourselves as much as we can? Whether it be a relationship or job, or just feeling "stuck" or stagnant in our lives, remember to consider: Is it really them or me who needs to make the changes? Even if you wish they would change, would your making the necessary changes you need at least help your situation? *Again, remember, we cannot change them, ("they" have to be willing and capable of change).

Part 2 will be all about the How To's! Once we have a pretty clear idea as to what changes are needed, the question then becomes: Now what? and What are we going to DO about it? We need a plan, a step by step outline, so we may ultimately achieve the changes we seek and also be able to measure how we are doing along the way.

I feel the winds of change in the air. Do you?

Feel free to contact me for assistance on your journey! Visit:

I look forward to hearing from you!

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Break on Through To The Other Side

"The doors we open and close each day
decide the lives we live."
~Flora Whittemore

How many times have your heard the saying, "When one door closes, another one opens"? We often forget this in times of crisis, disappointment and unwanted change.

Barring tragedies, we need to ask ourselves: "Am I going to let this door hit me in the rear or am I going to 'break on through to the other side'?"

The choice is ours: whether to be the victim of change or a survivor of change. (I always advocate for being a survivor, and, therefore, 'a thriver'!)

Often, the doors that close end up being what was best for us, in the long run, anyway.  This is especially true when it comes to the ending unhealthy relationships.

Let's be honest, whether it be fear or insecurities, we, humans, are not prone to make changes until it hurts us, enough, to force us to.

The choice is ours: whether to be the victim of change or a survivor of change.
I always advocate for being a survivor, and therefore, 'a thriver'!

 "The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live." It is through these doors you will discover your best self and, thus, learn to enjoy more of what life has in store.

You can "break on through to the other side".

* If you would like assistance with learning to be a survivor and your best self, please contact me:   Victoria Baum - The Relationship Changer    (

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Ruby Slippers - You Have Them Too!

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.
       ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

One of my favorite movies is The Wizard of Oz. The story encapsulates all the principle elements of what I call Positive Adaptation. It is also all about relationships; with ourselves and others.

You probably know the story line; a girl named Dorothy finds herself in a situation she neither knows how she got into nor how to get out from. She is told to follow the Yellow Brick Road to the Land of Oz where she will find the "all knowing, all powerful Wizard of Oz". 

Dorothy heads out on a fantastic journey where she meets three guides. They want to help her find her way home and hope the Wizard can help them too. The Scarecrow wants a brain, (think), Tin Man wants a heart, (feel), and the Lion wants courage, (do). 

The Wicked Witch of the West wants what Dorothy has, the Ruby Slippers. She does everything within her power to get the Ruby Slippers from Dorothy before she can reach the Wizard.  The wicked witch fails and the group returns victorious to Oz, feeling empowered and worthy of the Wizard's help.

Once there, they discover that the Wizard is not really a wizard at all, but merely a human being.  Still, he is able to help the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion. The Wizard helps them realize they already have, lying within them, exactly what it is they were searching for all along. 

And then there is Dorothy; happy for her friends but still not sure how she will get what she wants and needs - to find her way home.

Poof! Glinda, the Good Witch of the North appears and explains to Dorothy, that she too, has had the what she needed the entire time, the Ruby Slippers. She only needed Glinda to teach her of their power and then learn how to use them. your heals together three times?

We must learn that, deep down, we already possess, or can learn, what is required to have healthier relationships and greater life satisfaction.

Try it and you too will discover you have your own pair of 'Ruby Slippers'. You can learn to be healthier, stronger, and ultimately, achieve your own 'hearts desire'.

If you would like guidance on your own journey, please contact me, Victoria Baum - The Relationship Changer, to assist you in learning how to use your very own pair of Ruby Slippers.

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

It's In The Journey

It's the Journey.....not the destination.

You probably have heard this one a million times.

But do you really believe it?  Do you live your life this way?

It is the journey that matters most because the destination may always be changing.  Life is really just one big journey with many crossroads along the way.

Many of us feel these are 'some scary times' we live in. We often find ourselves full of fear, anger and doubt.

Today, we can choose a different path. A path which will help us move forward on our journey successfully and one where we will find ourselves looking back, only to realize we came through it all, feeling, thinking and doing, 'better' than ever before.

At this crossroad, let us take a moment to be still, take a deep breath and  look around at the all the beauty in our lives, feel gratitude for all we do have and know in our hearts, WE will be okay.  

Enjoy this quiet, peaceful, resting place. We all deserve a break once in a while.

So go ahead.... allow yourself this one.

Happy New Year!

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Remember: "Faith Is Believing..."

"Faith is believing in things even when common sense
 tells you not to."

This is my definition of faith, borrowed from the movie "Miracle on 34th Street".  It remains, for me, one of the most practical and simple ways to understand the concept,  I have yet to hear a better one.

View 2 Clips:

Although simplistic in nature, it can be quite difficult to keep believing all of the time,  Let's face it, real life can get in the way of faith, especially in adulthood.

We may not have the relationship, the job, toy  or whatever it is we so want, After all, even the real Santa Claus, (as exemplified in the movie), cannot do everything,

However, we must not lose faith, belief and our sense of wonderment in all that we can become and have, if we work for it.  The truth: Much of the work is ours to do. "Faith without works, is dead."

We can "Think, Feel and Do" our way into becoming the best we can be and thus, become capable of living and enjoying life to the fullest. This, as with any other endeavor, requires faith and belief, in  ourselves, first and foremost!

For your consideration, below is a list of some more of my favorite quotes regarding faith, (non religious in nature):

Michelangelo: "Achieving anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Faith in oneself… is the best and safest course."

Martin Luther King, Jr.: "Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

Eleanor Roosevelt: "He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more; He who loses faith, loses all."

Richard M. Devos: "The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible."

Elizabeth Barrett Browning: "If you desire faith, then you have faith enough."

Of course, having faith alone is not enough as it is said,"Faith without works is dead" is also a truism. We must learn to be our own Santas; active participants in the process of our lives.

Believing in ourselves, we can "Think, Feel and Do" better and thus enjoy our lives more fully.

Faith comes from your heart. May you keep yours near and dear in all endeavors. Keep believing and doing the work required and you too will find happiness, which itself is success.

There is no doubt 2016 has been a difficult year for many us, however, if you really take a look back, I believe you too will also see many positives.

Remember, "Faith is believing when common sense tell us not to". Try to keep and work towards this type of faith, this Holiday Season, and throughout the coming year.

This year, let us be grateful for all we have in our lives and have the faith, belief and willingness to make next year even better, in all areas of our lives.

Wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season.