Positive, healthy personal boundaries are like fences. They are there to protect us from harm while at the same time, allow us to feel free to be our best selves, find the peace and happiness we seek. However, they are not walls, which are built with the purpose of allowing nothing, (nor anyone), to get in or out. The 'right' boundaries will not serve to isolate us from others, rather, they allow us to fully enjoy positive relationships and situations.
As stated in "Part One", a vital key to keeping balance in your life is found through the process of developing and maintaing healthy personal boundaries in all areas.
Positive Adaptation proposes we become our best selves and enjoy life to the fullest, both personally and professionally. Therefore, making changes to pre-existing, developing and maintaing new, healthier boundaries is one way in which we can achieve this goal.
How to set the best boundaries for yourself:
1. Acknowledge to yourself you have the right to want and need your own set of positive, healthy personal boundaries.
- Remind yourself this is part of any healthy self-care program and enables you to be the best you can be. You are your own person, as defined by you, (not others).
2. Examine where you feel yours are being crossed.
- We usually can feel it. We can get angry, resentful, sometimes sad; we know when something isn't right. The cause is often allowing others to cross our boundaries without our invitation or consent to do so.
3. Trust and believe in you and the boundaries you set.
- Trust and believe in yourself enough to know what you need and want, (or don't), and settle for nothing less.
4. Communicate these boundaries honestly and clearly to all to whom they apply.
- "Say what you mean and mean what you say." Our boundaries can be expressed without hostility. State them when needed and stand by them. (Remember to do the same for others too.)
5. Learn to say, "No", without guilt.
- This is the most difficult one for many of us, I believe. We need to recognize that, (generally, non emergencies), other people's needs and wants are NOT more important than our own.
We cannot take care of anyone else, unless we are taking care of ourselves, first. (For more, read my post titled "Put Your Mask On".)
The most important person who needs to respect your boundaries is You! If you don't take responsibility for them, protect and enforce them, no one else will either. Remember, others have their own which need to be respected as well.
You are seeking progress not perfection. When we reexamine and reset our boundaries we are taking care of and protecting our relationships, with ourselves and others.
Whether it be personal, family or professional relationships or situations, positive, healthy personal boundaries help keep our joy safe and sound.
To your boundaries and joy....