Saturday, September 24, 2011

Positive, Healthy Personal Boundaries (Part Two)

Positive, healthy personal boundaries are like fences. They are there to protect us from harm while at the same time, allow us to feel free to be our best selves, find the peace and happiness we seek. However, they are not walls, which are built with the purpose of allowing nothing, (nor anyone), to get in or out. The 'right' boundaries will not serve to isolate us from others, rather, they allow us to fully enjoy positive relationships and situations.

As stated in "Part One", a vital key to keeping balance in your life is found through the process of developing and maintaing healthy personal boundaries in all areas.

Positive Adaptation proposes we become our best selves and enjoy life to the fullest, both personally and professionally. Therefore, making changes to pre-existing, developing and maintaing new, healthier boundaries is one way in which we can achieve this goal.

How to set the best boundaries for yourself:
1. Acknowledge to yourself you have the right to want and need your own set of positive, healthy personal boundaries.
- Remind yourself this is part of any healthy self-care program and enables you to be the best you can be. You are your own person, as defined by you, (not others).

2. Examine where you feel yours are being crossed.
- We usually can feel it. We can get angry, resentful, sometimes sad; we know when something isn't right. The cause is often allowing others to cross our boundaries without our invitation or consent to do so.

3. Trust and believe in you and the boundaries you set.
- Trust and believe in yourself enough to know what you need and want, (or don't), and settle for nothing less.

4. Communicate these boundaries honestly and clearly to all to whom they apply.
- "Say what you mean and mean what you say." Our boundaries can be expressed without hostility. State them when needed and stand by them. (Remember to do the same for others too.)

5. Learn to say, "No", without guilt.
- This is the most difficult one for many of us, I believe. We need to recognize that, (generally, non emergencies), other people's needs and wants are NOT more important than our own.
We cannot take care of anyone else, unless we are taking care of ourselves, first. (For more, read my post titled "Put Your Mask On".)

The most important person who needs to respect your boundaries is You! If you don't take responsibility for them, protect and enforce them, no one else will either. Remember, others have their own which need to be respected as well.

You are seeking progress not perfection. When we reexamine and reset our boundaries we are taking care of and protecting our relationships, with ourselves and others.

Whether it be personal, family or professional relationships or situations, positive, healthy personal boundaries help keep our joy safe and sound.

To your boundaries and joy....

Friday, September 9, 2011

Positive, Healthy Personal Boundaries (Part One)

Learning to set and maintain positive, healthy personal boundaries is one of the most important steps in promoting a better sense of ones' self; self concept, self respect and ultimately communicating this self worth to others.

Practicing Positive Adaptation; 'Think, Feel and Do' your best, become your best so that you may live and enjoy life to the fullest is a wonderful way to achieve the improvement you seek.

Changing our relationship with ourselves and our lives, first, is a critical component to making any long term changes in our relationships with others.

Positive, healthy personal boundaries are a set of physical, emotional and mental limits we establish in order to 1) best protect ourselves from any type of harm 2) Allow healthy people and relationships into our lives while keeping out those that are not and 3) help us express ourselves as the unique individuals that we are, while simultaneously acknowledging and respecting the same in others.

We must learn to recognize that we are all individuals with our own thoughts, feelings, attitudes and values. This means we must also acknowledge the same is true for our spouses, children, friends, coworkers and others. We are all entitled to have our boundaries respected and honored. This is the only way to have healthy relationships, of any sort, in our lives.

It is not possible to have a healthy relationship, of any kind, with someone who has no boundaries nor someone who cannot communicate their needs and wants, directly and honestly. Therefore, learning to set personal boundaries is a vital step in learning to be a good friend to ourselves, as well, as others.

We change and grow as we experience life's transitions. You may have grown up and out of your past and current boundaries, even those which had once been unknown frontiers. It may just be time to reevaluate who you are, (now), who you want to become and in what ways you would like to improve all the relationships in you life.

Promoting new, positive, healthier boundaries is a wonderful place to begin. Remember, it is never to late to establish, reestablish and maintain positive, healthy boundaries for yourself.

Please consider where your boundaries are and where you would like them to be. I will discuss more in depth the how's in: Positive, Healthy Personal Boundaries - Part Two, coming soon.

Until then, consider you have a right and a need for boundaries and so do 'they'.

Photo by: Victoria Baum, (Sidewalk Cafe in Quebec City)

Friday, September 2, 2011

With Change Comes Freedom

The road of positive change leads to renewal, happiness and freedom.

We continually need to make changes, (internally and often externally), to be the best we can be and do the best we can do. Doing so allows us to enjoy and live life to the fullest. With positive change comes happiness and real freedom.

I have written about change in the last several posts because we are in between seasons and change is in the air. The leaves have been changing their colors and now the trees are shedding the old in preparation for renewal in the spring. We are much like leaves and trees.

"Every human has four endowments: self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom...The power to choose, to respond, to change."~ Stephen R. Covey

The change called for may be of learning acceptance, (compromise, not settling), forgiveness, (ourselves and others), improved self care, and/or any of the other suggestions found throughout this blog site. We can make any change necessary, much more comfortably and with greater confidence, than ever before.

Whether personal, professional and/or relational, make the necessary changes. Remain open minded and fearless about becoming your best self. As my friend, Susan Jeffers proposes: "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway".

There really is no other way. "The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage." ~Thucydides

Try living through Positive Adaptation: 'Think, Feel and Do' differently. Positive change and renewal promote the happiness and freedom we seek.

Begin your renewal today.

* Please go through my archives for more ideas and suggestions on how you can be the best you can be!

Photos by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan