Positive Adaptation

Continue Changing, Maturing and Creating Yourself, Endlessly!

2012-01-19T07:23:00.000-06:00

"To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly."

~ Henri Bergson (French Philosopher)

It might be said that life, at every moment, is creating something.

It is not always true that just because 'That is the way it HAS always been' means that is the way it Will always be.

This way of thinking of, or viewing ourselves, is especially untrue when applied to our ability to change, from the inside out.

Utilizing Positive Adaptation we can 'Think, Feel and Do', better; become the best we can be, thus able to live and enjoy life to the fullest!

Everyday offers us all the opportunity to become more true to ourselves and therefore, others. We must be willing to mature, gain wisdom and allow ourselves to develop into the best possible 'us' we can be.

Everyday, every moment, we have the ability to positively change, mature and create ourselves! The results of theses changes will be our feeling better about ourselves, our decisions and life, in general.

Please re-read some of the previous posts, think about how you would like you and your life to change and then work on you to achieve the change you seek.

Life is a cycle and everyday offers us a new opportunity for change. Today, let us all be willing to choose to take advantage of it!

Victoria

Photos by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

Slow Down - Feelin Groovy

2012-01-05T08:53:00.001-06:00

"Slow down, you're movin' too fast, you got to make the morning last.

Just kickn' down the cobblestones, looking for fun and feelin' groovy"

~ Simon & Garfunkel (listen to on the right side)

As we begin the new year, let us try to remember the words above.

The pace of life is just so fast. Many people expect their actions to have immediate positive results. Unfortunately, that is not how it generally works, especially with emotions, (yours or others).

Time, alone, does not change much. However, time, with more positive, consistent behaviors and attitudes, does!

I am not suggesting that we stop positively changing and growing, only that we slow down and enjoy the process a bit more.

It is in this time of reflection and celebration that I find I enjoy and celebrate myself, others, (life in general, to the fullest), more.

This is when I feel most "groovy"!

Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.

Victoria

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

Happy New Year - 2012

2011-12-29T06:29:00.001-06:00

This new year take a new plunge into the ocean of hope and optimism and free yourself from all your past resentments and sadness.

By - Prashant Jain

Time to move, positively, forward.

May this be your best year yet!

Victoria

Believe & Happy Holidays

2011-12-18T07:23:00.001-06:00

It's always the season to Believe;

Happy Holidays.

Believe in what your heart is saying.

Believe in what you feel inside and

Give your dreams the wings to fly.

Happy Holidays to you and yours,

From me and mine.

Victoria

Photos by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

Remember: "Faith Is Believing..."

2011-12-03T05:24:00.000-06:00

"Faith is believing in things
even when common sense
tells you not to."

Check these two clips form the movie:

http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi1959854105/

http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi4093247513/

This definition of faith from the movie "Miracle on 34th St." still remains one of the most practical and simple to understand I have yet to hear. However, the concept that with faith all things are possible is simple but not easy to keep believing all of the time.

We may not have gotten the house we dreamt of from Santa Claus, the job we so wanted or have the "perfect" relationship, yet. However, we must not lose faith, belief and our sense of wonderment of all that can become realty. Much of the work to do is ours.

Positive Adaptation states we "Think, Feel and Do" our way into becoming the best we can be and thus, become capable of living and enjoying life to the fullest. This, as with any other endeavor, requires faith and belief, especially in ourselves.

Below is a list of some of my favorite quotes regarding faith, (non religious in nature):

Michelangelo: "Achieving anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Faith in oneself… is the best and safest course."

Martin Luther King, Jr.: "Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

Eleanor Roosevelt: "He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more; He who loses faith, loses all."

Richard M. Devos: "The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible."

Elizabeth Barrett Browning: "If you desire faith, then you have faith enough."

Of course, having faith alone is not enough as "Faith without works is dead" is also a truism. We must learn to be our own Santas; active participants in the process of our lives.

Utilizing Positive Adaptation and believing in ourselves, we can "Think, Feel and Do" better and enjoy our lives more fully.

Faith comes from your heart. May you keep yours near and dear in all endeavors. Keep believing and doing the work required and you too will find the happiness and success you desire.

There is no doubt that 2011 has been a difficult year for many us, however, if you really take a look back, I believe you will see many positives.

Remember, "Faith is believing when common sense tell us not to." So, try to follow your common sense and keep the faith this Holiday Season.

This year, let us be grateful for all we do have and have the faith, belief and willingness to make next year better in all areas of our lives.

Wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season.

Victoria

Happy Thanksgiving - Gratitude Is Both An Attitude And Action

2011-11-20T14:30:00.001-06:00

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."

~ John F. Kennedy

"....There is so much to be grateful for."
~ Josh Grobin (listen to - on the right)

No matter what has happened this year, I am certain, if you really think about it, you can find much to be grateful for.

May we show our gratitude, in word and deed, all year long.

And then maybe, just maybe, there will be even more to feel grateful for.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, from me and mine.

Victoria

It's In The Journey

2011-11-08T16:15:00.001-06:00

It's the Journey,

not the destination.

You probably have heard this one a million times.

But do you really believe it? Do you live your life this way?

It is the journey that matters most because the destination may always be changing. Life is really just one big journey with many crossroads along the way, (see last two posts).

There are times, now and then, when it is quite beneficial to just stop, look around at the beauty in our lives and celebrate how far we have travelled.

Many of us feel these are 'some scary times' we live in. We can be full of fear, insecurity and doubt OR we can choose a different path. A path which will help us move forward on our journey successfully and one where we will find ourselves looking back, only to realize we came through it all, feeling, thinking and doing, 'better' than ever before.

Positive Adaptation is about the journey; a 'better way' of handling whatever potential obstacles cross our paths. I prefer to view them all as opportunities for positive growth. This way of thinking helps motivate me to be ever diligent in challenging myself to become the 'best me' I can possibly be.

At this crossroad, let us take a moment out, be still, take a deep breath, look around at the beauty in our lives, feel gratitude for all we do have and know in our hearts, WE will be okay.

Enjoy this quiet, peaceful, resting place. We all deserve a break once in a while. So go ahead.... allow yourself this one.

Until next time....

Victoria

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

Carpe Diem - Seize The Day!

2011-10-15T08:00:00.000-05:00

"Congratulations! Today is your day! You're off to Great Places! You're off on your way! You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose." ~ Dr. Seuss

Let us begin each day with the inspirational words of Dr. Seuss and the creed, 'Carpe Diem'. Today we will really seize this day. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow has yet to arrive so it is now, this moment, when we must devote our energy to positive change. We can achieve the change we need and want, begin 'becoming' our best selves and live and enjoy life to the fullest, right now.

The core philosophy of Positive Adaptation addresses the questions "Now what?" and "Is this all there is?" PA proposes we ask ourselves a different question, "How I am I going to emerge from this day, a healthier, happier person, one more ready and able to truly enjoy all that life has to offer?

Positive Adaptation is not a theory, rather it is a choice, a decision, a way of life. When PA becomes integrated into our daily lives we will experience positive feelings about ourselves and others, a brighter outlook on life and as a result, greater positive outcomes. Believing this, why wouldn't we set out to seize each day?

Positive Adaptation is: one part Thinking, one part Feeling and one part Doing. The same set of perplexing patterns many of us learned early on in life and we have been repeating throughout our lives, will no longer do. They are usually the same negative ones which until today have prevented us from living with a "Carpe Diem" attitude. The time is now to break free of the them and begin anew. We can all Think, Feel and Do 'better'.

The key to happiness is balance. Different situations demand different solutions, however, all three parts: Thinking, Feeling and Doing must be implemented to achieve your desired optimal positive results!

Living this way of life is simple but not always easy. It requires willingness, courage and commitment to identify and break old patterns, replace them with healthier more positive ones and practice, practice, practice. I believe the effort needed is an insignificant price to pay to know, deep to your core: Life is to lived and enjoyed, not merely survived.

I have discovered living Positive Adaptation as a way of life has not only significantly improved my sense of self esteem and increased the joy I find out of life, it has also positively impacted all areas of my life. I am a better mother, wife, friend, professional and volunteer. You don't have to just imagine what PA can do for you, there is no time like the present to begin.

Consider the great words of Horace: "Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which, in prosperous circumstances, would have lain dormant."

Today is your day! Elicit all your strengths and talents. Become your best self, do your best and thus, enjoy your life to the fullest!

"And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!"

Carpe Diem,

Victoria

Positive, Healthy Personal Boundaries (Part Two)

2011-09-24T07:53:00.000-05:00

Positive, healthy personal boundaries are like fences. They are there to protect us from harm while at the same time, allow us to feel free to be our best selves, find the peace and happiness we seek. However, they are not walls, which are built with the purpose of allowing nothing, (nor anyone), to get in or out. The 'right' boundaries will not serve to isolate us from others, rather, they allow us to fully enjoy positive relationships and situations.

As stated in "Part One", a vital key to keeping balance in your life is found through the process of developing and maintaing healthy personal boundaries in all areas.

Positive Adaptation proposes we become our best selves and enjoy life to the fullest, both personally and professionally. Therefore, making changes to pre-existing, developing and maintaing new, healthier boundaries is one way in which we can achieve this goal.

How to set the best boundaries for yourself:

1. Acknowledge to yourself you have the right to want and need your own set of positive, healthy personal boundaries.

- Remind yourself this is part of any healthy self-care program and enables you to be the best you can be. You are your own person, as defined by you, (not others).

2. Examine where you feel yours are being crossed.

- We usually can feel it. We can get angry, resentful, sometimes sad; we know when something isn't right. The cause is often allowing others to cross our boundaries without our invitation or consent to do so.

3. Trust and believe in you and the boundaries you set.

- Trust and believe in yourself enough to know what you need and want, (or don't), and settle for nothing less.

4. Communicate these boundaries honestly and clearly to all to whom they apply.

- "Say what you mean and mean what you say." Our boundaries can be expressed without hostility. State them when needed and stand by them. (Remember to do the same for others too.)

5. Learn to say, "No", without guilt.

- This is the most difficult one for many of us, I believe. We need to recognize that, (generally, non emergencies), other people's needs and wants are NOT more important than our own.

We cannot take care of anyone else, unless we are taking care of ourselves, first. (For more, read my post titled "Put Your Mask On".)

The most important person who needs to respect your boundaries is You! If you don't take responsibility for them, protect and enforce them, no one else will either. Remember, others have their own which need to be respected as well.

You are seeking progress not perfection. When we reexamine and reset our boundaries we are taking care of and protecting our relationships, with ourselves and others.

Whether it be personal, family or professional relationships or situations, positive, healthy personal boundaries help keep our joy safe and sound.

To your boundaries and joy....

Victoria

Positive, Healthy Personal Boundaries (Part One)

2011-09-09T07:00:00.000-05:00

Learning to set and maintain positive, healthy personal boundaries is one of the most important steps in promoting a better sense of ones' self; self concept, self respect and ultimately communicating this self worth to others.

Practicing Positive Adaptation; 'Think, Feel and Do' your best, become your best so that you may live and enjoy life to the fullest is a wonderful way to achieve the improvement you seek.

Changing our relationship with ourselves and our lives, first, is a critical component to making any long term changes in our relationships with others.

Positive, healthy personal boundaries are a set of physical, emotional and mental limits we establish in order to 1) best protect ourselves from any type of harm 2) Allow healthy people and relationships into our lives while keeping out those that are not and 3) help us express ourselves as the unique individuals that we are, while simultaneously acknowledging and respecting the same in others.

We must learn to recognize that we are all individuals with our own thoughts, feelings, attitudes and values. This means we must also acknowledge the same is true for our spouses, children, friends, coworkers and others. We are all entitled to have our boundaries respected and honored. This is the only way to have healthy relationships, of any sort, in our lives.

It is not possible to have a healthy relationship, of any kind, with someone who has no boundaries nor someone who cannot communicate their needs and wants, directly and honestly. Therefore, learning to set personal boundaries is a vital step in learning to be a good friend to ourselves, as well, as others.

We change and grow as we experience life's transitions. You may have grown up and out of your past and current boundaries, even those which had once been unknown frontiers. It may just be time to reevaluate who you are, (now), who you want to become and in what ways you would like to improve all the relationships in you life.

Promoting new, positive, healthier boundaries is a wonderful place to begin. Remember, it is never to late to establish, reestablish and maintain positive, healthy boundaries for yourself.

Please consider where your boundaries are and where you would like them to be. I will discuss more in depth the how's in: Positive, Healthy Personal Boundaries - Part Two, coming soon.

Until then, consider you have a right and a need for boundaries and so do 'they'.

Victoria

Photo by: Victoria Baum, (Sidewalk Cafe in Quebec City)

Gonna Fly Now and Be Our Best

2011-09-02T07:20:00.000-05:00

"If I can change, and you can change, everyone can change."

~ Rocky Balboa, (Rocky IV)

"It ain't how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward.

That's how winning is done.

Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth.

But you gotta be willing to take the hit and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you.

You're better than that!"

Rocky Balboa

Speaking to his son in Rocky Balboa (2006)

All anyone has to do is listen to the beginning of the theme song, (Gonna Fly Now, by Bill Conti, on the right side of this text), and instantly we begin to feel "pumped up". (I know it works well for my husband!)

Who better to learn about becoming the best you can be than from Rocky Balboa! A regular guy, an underdog, who gets the chance to win the title of World Heavyweight Champion of the world, (over and over again).

But let us not forget, Rocky had to earn the titles. He did so by practicing 'Positive Adaptation: Think, Feel and Do' your best, become your best self and then you, too, will live and enjoy life to the fullest!

Rocky trained and trained hard to become stronger, faster, agile, light on his feet and as good with his left hand as he was with his right. But most importantly, Rocky had to gain self worth and the belief in himself that he could go the distance.

We are all champs when we Think, Feel and Do our best.

Keep your eye on the prize, (your best self).
You're gonna fly now and you are worth it!

Victoria
(This ones for you D)

With Change Comes Freedom

2011-09-02T07:15:00.000-05:00

The road of positive change leads to renewal, happiness and freedom.

We continually need to make changes, (internally and often externally), to be the best we can be and do the best we can do. Doing so allows us to enjoy and live life to the fullest. With positive change comes happiness and real freedom.

I have written about change in the last several posts because we are in between seasons and change is in the air. The leaves have been changing their colors and now the trees are shedding the old in preparation for renewal in the spring. We are much like leaves and trees.

"Every human has four endowments: self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom...The power to choose, to respond, to change."~ Stephen R. Covey

The change called for may be of learning acceptance, (compromise, not settling), forgiveness, (ourselves and others), improved self care, and/or any of the other suggestions found throughout this blog site. We can make any change necessary, much more comfortably and with greater confidence, than ever before.

Whether personal, professional and/or relational, make the necessary changes. Remain open minded and fearless about becoming your best self. As my friend, Susan Jeffers proposes: "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway".

There really is no other way. "The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage." ~Thucydides

Try living through Positive Adaptation: 'Think, Feel and Do' differently. Positive change and renewal promote the happiness and freedom we seek.

Begin your renewal today.

Victoria

* Please go through my archives for more ideas and suggestions on how you can be the best you can be!

Photos by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

Begin To Be The Change You Seek - Part 2

2011-08-10T08:05:00.000-05:00

The view from the rear view mirror

of the sign in Part 1. If you haven't already,

I suggest you read Part 1 first.

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."

~ Maya Angelou

If we are capable and willing to be honest with ourselves, we know when we are not feeling the best we could, being the best we can be and doing the best we can. We know when we are not living and enjoying our lives to the fullest.

When we know this to our core and have a developed a pretty clear sense as to why, the next questions must then become: Now what? What am I going to do about it? Exactly how am I going to make the changes I must to Think, Feel and Do better in the future?

We need a plan, a step by step outline, so we may ultimately achieve the positive changes we seek.

The first and most important step is to determine IF we have the power to make the changes. If the power to successfully achieve positive change is within us, that is one thing. If the cause of our discontentment is someone or something else, outside of us, that is another.

Yet no matter what the source of our sense of unhappiness, please remember, we always have the power to change our attitude toward whatever or whomever is causing us this unhappiness and just how much we let it/them negatively effect us. This is especially true if the real culprit is us.

The Serenity Prayer

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

I often say to my clients and friends, "Yes, this is a simple concept, yet in reality, it is not so easy to do in everyday life." Admittedly, it may not be that easy, but indeed, doable!

Our attitude can and will, alter how we Think, Feel and Do. Negativity begets negativity. Positivity offers us a much greater chance at achieving positive results.

One of the first issues we need to address is the difference between compromise and settling. Compromise is always preferable! Is it realistic to believe you and the other person are both willing and capable to make the necessary changes so that both your wants and needs are met? Is a healthy compromise possible? If so, I say go for it!

On the other hand, settling, defined as, "being willing to accept the unacceptable" I rarely, if ever, recommend to anyone. Settling is certainly not, nor should ever be considered, a long term solution to any of our "problems".

Settling is the road which may have lead us here, to this unhappy place. It most certainly will not lead us to the changes and happiness we seek. In fact, remaining on this old road, more times than not, eventually will lead us to feel even worse, more resentful toward ourselves and others, as no real, acceptable changes have been made. We deserve better than this.

We must make the necessary changes, break old patterns of thought, feeling and actions, learn to compromise and not settle, so that we may create conditions to be ripe for us to Think, Feel and Do, better.

We must try new ways! Take the "Change exit off the old road". This is the path which will lead us to living and enjoying a happier life - one filled with happiness and joy.

We should never settle for less than we are capable of or willing to do. Would you ask your child, spouse or anyone else to settle? I think not, so then why would you ask this of yourself? Ask the best of yourself and you will see and feel positive results.

We must believe we deserve better and then learn to Think, Feel and Do, better. Be the change you seek and you shall find it.

Positive change and greater happiness are just one exit away on the road of life! Take it and begin to be the change you seek! You can Think, Feel and Do better.

More thoughts on how to achieve positive change coming in next posts. I hope you will stay with me on this journey.

Victoria

We Are The Change We Seek!

2011-07-30T08:00:00.000-05:00

"Be the change you want to see in the world."

~ Gandhi

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person, some other time. We are the ones we have been waiting for. We are the change we seek."

~ Pres. Barack Obama

If you have read my last couple of posts, (especially if you have read several of them), you know I believe this to be true: If you are not feeling your best or believe you could Think, Feel and Do, better, the time for change is now. Positive Adaptation is the key.

I am not suggesting just waking up and quitting your jobs, breaking off relationships or any other type of sudden shift in your life, (except one). However, nor should we just sit and wait for other people, situations or "things" around us to change. These changes may very well not occur, (especially not fast enough or the way we want them to).

What we do have, today, is the power to change ourselves, at anytime. NOTE: Just because that's the way it's always been DOES NOT mean that's the way it always has to be.

This may be a great time to re-read my post entitled "Ruby Slippers" here: http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/04/ruby-slippers.html

If you can honestly say, (as you are already feeling), you are not as happy as you believe you can be.... then the answer is simple:

The time for change is now! Why not begin your positive changes today?

As a clinician, I often hear, "Well, yes, I want things to change, me to change, BUT...I am scared of it too!" Fair enough, many of us are fearful of change. So maybe, right now, you cannot say, "I want to change!" and mean it 100%. Maybe you are only ready to say, "I want to want to change." That is good enough for now. That too, is a start! With an open mind and heart, time and work, you too will get here. If you can learn to believe in yourself and believe you too deserve to be happy, you will make the necessary changes, eventually.

We can and must work through our fear of change or we will not Think, Feel and Do better! When stated like this, is there really another, better, option?

We need to Think, Feel and Do, (be), differently to find out what type of change we must seek. When we have, eventually we will begin to feel better about ourselves and be better able to enjoy life to the fullest.

First we must think and feel about what, exactly, it is that is not "working" for us right now. Besides not having won the lottery last night, (as money does not buy happiness anyway, it only makes misery more comfortable), we must ask ourselves some important questions. WHY am I not happy and WHAT can I DO to change this?

Are we taking good enough care of ourselves? Do we like/love ourselves as much as we can? Whether it be a relationship or job, or just feeling "stuck" or stagnant in our lives, remember to consider: Is it really them or me who needs to make the changes? Even if you wish they would change, would your making the necessary changes you need at least help your situation? *Again, remember, we cannot change them, ("they" have to be willing and capable of change).

We Can Make Positive Changes in Us and Our Lives!

Of course to achieve true positive change, our goal must be to change ourselves without causing unnecessary or undue pain to anyone else.

Today, let us have the courage to Think and Feel the positive changes we want and need to make in ourselves and our lives today.

Part 2 will be all about the How To's! Once we have a pretty clear idea as to what changes are needed, the question then becomes: Now what? and What are we going to DO about it? We need a plan, a step by step outline, so we may ultimately achieve the changes we seek and also be able to measure how we are doing along the way.

I feel the winds of change in the air. I have the courage, do you?

Victoria

What Matters Most Is How You See Yourself!

2011-07-17T07:39:00.000-05:00

What Matters Most

Is How You See

Yourself!

"No one can make you feel inferior without

your permission" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Why then do we, all too often, give our permission and allow others to make us feel badly about ourselves? Remember, painful as it may be to admit, they are not doing it to us, we are allowing them.

We are in all types of 'relationships'; be they personal, professional or social, with people who we allow to diminish our own sense of self worth. In fact, we often seem to seek out these 'types'. Why?

We need to be honest with ourselves and identify the patterns of how we let these people into our lives, worse yet, once we realize their toxic effect, allow them to stay. Whether we have done so consciously or unconsciously, out of a sense of duty or obligation, the results are still the same: we feel poorly about ourselves and are unhappy. We must stop seeing ourselves through their eyes and begin to see ourselves as the best person we can be.

I suggest we allow it no more. Now is the time to learn to give ourselves permission to think, feel and do 'better'. This is the essence of 'Positive Adaptation'. Please look at the picture above once more and then you decide who do you want to be, the cat, the lion or a healthy combination of the two.

I am not suggesting that what others think or say to and about us may not offer some valuable insights. What I am saying is that first we must consider the source. Do they really have our best interests at heart? If so, wonderful, if not, we ought to stop listening immediately.

We need to discover who we are and who we are not, who we want to become and what are our true needs and wants are. What will make us think and feel 'better' about ourselves? What can we do to find ourselves living 'happier', more satisfying lives, enjoying mutually satisfying relationships.

It may sound like a daunting task however this is the only way to break our old, unhealthy patterns, once and for all. The answers lie within all of us.

Let us stop giving our permission to others to feel like inferior beings. Instead, let us begin to give permission to ourselves to think, feel and do our way into being the best we know we can be.

FYI: I see myself as both a cat and a lion, it depends on what the situation calls for. I am adaptable.

What matters most is how you see yourself. Feel free to let me know!

Victoria

You Can't Please Everyone, So....

2011-07-04T00:01:00.000-05:00

"But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone so ya got to please yourself"

~Ricky Nelson ("Garden Party")

Living life trying to please everyone is not only a daunting task, but is nearly impossible to do and remain healthy, (emotionally and/or physically), simultaneously. Of course we want to make other people happy but it cannot be at our own expense.

Attempting to live your life this way is how one becomes, (or remains), what is commonly know as a "People Pleaser" and is not the way to be your best self, live and enjoy life to the fullest. You cannot please everyone, but we must try to be truly pleased with ourselves. We must learn and continue to understand where 'they' end and 'we' begin.

Utilizing the principles of Positive Adaptation, you can learn to both please yourself and many others as well. We must 'Think, Feel and Do' our way into new, healthier and more realistic life skills.

Saying "No" or "Not now", once in a while, especially when necessary, is healthy. Being a parent has helped me learn this lesson well. Just imagine if we never heard or used the word 'no'. 'No' is a part of teaching, learning and practicing healthy boundaries. How many hot stoves should a child be allowed to put their hands on?

We can not be everything to everyone nor can we do everything, especially at the same time. What we can be and do is our best. This is true for all relationships; including marriage, dating, friendships, parenting, as well as, in the work place.

The truth is everyone may not be happy with us 100% of the time but we must remain true to ourselves. If not, the results will be that WE will be unhappy most of the time!

Take a moment out today when something is asked of you. Please give extra consideration to your answer. Ask yourself: "Is this the answer I really want to give or the answer I feel I am supposed to or need to give as to avoid experiencing rejection or conflict?"

In other words, try Positive Adaptation and 'Think, Feel and Do' differently today. If you feel 'No', 'Not now" or 'I really would rather not.', go ahead, express it, (in the nicest, most respectful fashion, of course).

Others, just as you have, will live through being told 'no' once in awhile. We cannot be the best we can be if we never do. Being a 'people pleaser' is not the way to emotional or physical health and well being.... being the best you can be today is.

'Think, Feel and Do' your best today. Try saying 'no' if that is how you really feel. Remember, you can't please everyone but you must try to be pleased with yourself!

Happy 4th of July!

Victoria

Keep Your Balance - How and Why

2011-05-15T07:50:00.000-05:00

"Life is a great

balancing act"

~ Dr. Suess

"Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony"

~ Thomas Merton

We do not have to wait until we have lost our balance, completely, to find it. The key to keeping your balance is to first acknowledge you may be feeling a bit wobbly.

Consider yourself a gymnast on the balance beam of life. Have you ever watched what they do when they realize they are losing their balance? They start to wobble, then their arms start to flail around, all in an effort to regain control, find their center and solid footing, back on that beam. Do they ever fall off the beam, sure, sometimes, but please take note: they always get back up and try again. So can we.

We do have a lot to balance in our lives: family, friends, work, financial concerns, community and personal, 'me', time. It is simple but not so easy! We can only decide to do our best by continually trying to find our center, keep our balance and stay up on that beam.

When our lives are in balance we feel better, our self esteem and sense of worth is higher, our relationships are at their best and it is here we find our greatest joy and true happiness. This is what living life to the fullest is all about!

Positive Adaptation can assist you: 'Think, Feel and Do'. We can begin by prioritizing, placing in a healthy order, our needs and wants; they are not the same. Think and feel about each one; which are your highest priorities, why and when you discover what is what and who is who... DO something about it. A balance beam is always just a balance beam, things don't change, we do.

Discover where your center is and you will have found your balance. The good news is you already possess what you need. It is already inside you waiting to be found and utilized, (see older post "Ruby Slippers').

Albert Einstein said: "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving". We are human so we may indeed lose our balance and fall off once in a while.

Let's make the decision to keep moving forward to our place of balance as this is where our happiness lies. If we get wobbly, we will just keep at it!

"And will we succeed? 98 3/4% Guaranteed!" From: "Oh The Places You Will Go", by Dr. Seuss, my pick for greatest 'self help' book ever written.

Make it a great one,

Victoria

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T01:25:00.001-05:00

My First Mother's Day - 1994

My father used to say; "May every day be Mother's Day, may roses grow along your way". Yes, Dad, (and Mom), roses do grow along my way. Now I even stop to smell them!

I have to say, being Jordan's mother has, (and continues to be), the greatest joy of my life!

I invite all of you to joyfully celebrate the day. Whether you are a mother or not, please, celebrate yourselves and those who have helped you along your journey!

The best is yet to come. May you find joy in this day and all the days that follow. I will be right there with you!

Victoria

Celebrate, 3 Good Things! Spring Has Sprung

2011-04-24T08:00:00.000-05:00

"Beautiful Mother Nature"

"An optimist is the
human personification of Spring"

~Susan J. Bissonette

Feeling happy does not mean you or your life are perfect. It is possible to make a conscious effort to look beyond many of life's imperfections and try to enjoy it the fullest, (at least for moments at a time).

I am not suggesting a version of denial. Rather, I am suggesting we find ways to embrace it all; who we are and better still, who we are becoming.

We ought not be so easily prone to dwell in the negatives. Just think, Spring may actually be here; a noted time of change and renewal.

Today, why not ask ourselves: What positives do I have in my life and consider of all the wonderful possibilities they hold?

I find doing my "3 Good Things List", daily, quite helpful. Whether I am witnessing the trees finally bud with new leaves, listening to someone recount a positive experience for them or I am feeling the sunshine on my face, all of these count as a "good things", in my mind. And all good things ought to be noticed by us too. After all, if we are being honest with ourselves, we surely note the not so good things.

If flowers got 'stuck' in winter, they would never attempt to bloom in the Spring. Indeed, they will blossom and so shall we, however, first, we must "weed our gardens to make room for the flowers to grow."

Look around you today and I am certain you too will see/feel, at least, "3 Good Things". They may be outside of you or inside of you. Either way, note them and celebrate them! Try this exercise for one week and I am confident you too will feel better.

Today is a new day. Let us celebrate life today, (have a listen to song the day).

I will be right there with you doing the same.
Victoria

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

Maintain Your High Hopes

2011-04-06T10:05:00.001-05:00

Who says you can't have high hopes and achieve whatever you set your heart, mind and body to? Robert Kennedy said: "Only those who dare to to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."

Positive Adaptation's three elements; 'Think, Feel and Do' your best are also reflected well in these Ralph Marston quotes:

"Don't lower your expectations to meet your performance, rather, raise your level of performance to meet your expectations."

"Expect the best of yourself and then do what is necessary to make it a reality. Your goals, minus your doubts, equal your reality.

Take a moment to think about some of the strongest, positive, successful people you admire most. What are they famous for thinking, saying and/or doing?

One that always comes to my mind is John F. Kennedy, (who's campaign song actually was "High Hopes", by Frank Sinatra). JFK asked: "If not now, then when? If not us, then who?"

What the people who came to your mind and you may have in common is their belief in themselves and the fortitude to stay committed to becoming the best they can be, while also helping others do the same, no matter what obstacles may fall in their path.

We, too, are capable of staying positive, strong and becoming successful, (in all areas of our lives). We do not need to lower our expectations below acceptable levels.

We can and will expect the best out of ourselves. We will dare to succeed. We can be happy and live rich, full lives.

So today, try humming the song "High Hopes" and remember, "Next time your found with your chin on the ground, there is a lot to be learned, so look around." Maintain your high hopes, "Your high apple pie in the sky hopes."

Make it a wonderful day!
Victoria

Let's Play Ball

2011-03-27T09:20:00.000-05:00

"It's hard to beat a guy, (gal), who never gives up." ~ Babe Ruth

"Everyday is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday's success or put it's failures behind and start over again. That is the way life is; a new game every day and that's the way baseball is." ~Bob Feller

We cannot be 'happier' if we do not at least try! Positive Adaptation offers a way to Think, Feel and Do your way into being the best you can be and enjoying life to the fullest. Life is too short not to at least take a swing at it!

Consider the movie "Field of Dreams". You know, "If you build it, they will come". Kevin Kostner's character thought about it, felt deeply and then did what most thought was the impossible, he built it and they did come! He fulfilled his dream, shared it with others and so can you.

"There are three types of baseball players: those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who wonder what happens." ~Tommy Lasorda. Which one do you want to be?

Lou Gehrig, even after discovering he was ill, kept a positive attitude. He told the entire world he might have had a tough break but still considered himself the luckiest man on earth.

The fact is you cannot win unless you play, right? Why not make the decision to come out from the stands, where you have merely been watching and choose to get in the game, of life!

Remember, it is not whether you win or loose, it is how you play. All we ever need to do is be and do our best.

There is no such thing as three strikes and you are out in life!

Keep at it, you are bound to hit one, maybe even out of the park!

Victoria

You Can Choose!

2011-03-02T08:15:00.004-06:00

"With all that has happened to you,
you can either feel sorry for yourself,
or treat all that has happened, as gifts.
Everything is either an opportunity to grow
or an obstacle to keep you from growing.
You get to choose."
~original author unkown

Sure, we may feel down and negative after things do not turn out the way we had hoped they would. However, in the long run, remaining in this mode only leads us to feeling more like victims.

A friend and mentor of mine, Dr. Susan Jeffers, is the author of, (among many others), Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway. She published a list of key points on how to make better, (even if tougher), choices.
Today I share with you: http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/article.cfm

Another great book on how to make better choices is The Right Questions, by Debbie Ford. Ford outlines "The 10 Right Questions" with clarity while offering a road map on how to and why: "If we want our lives to be different, better, then we must learn to make new choices which will lead us to new actions. These should be based on asking the right questions of ourselves." When we do as Ford suggests, the chances we will experience better, more positive outcomes, goes way up.

Ford encourages the reader by reminding them that asking these questions "will give you the power and inspiration to consciously create a life you feel good about, one choice at a time."

Like Debbie Ford, I once read a statement by Tony Robbins, that continues to resonate with me today, "Quality questions create a quality life."

The choice is ours! We can choose to view experiences negatively or as opportunities for positive growth which will transform us into survivors! If we have truly learned something, gained even better coping skills, eventually, we will think, feel and do better the next time.

Positive growth is about being willing to ask ourselves the, tough, right questions, learning to make the best choices for ourselves and then having the courage to act upon them.

Be assured: I choose positive growth; no matter how difficult the path.

Victoria

We all need a little help; someone to lean on, once in a while!

2011-01-20T16:00:00.001-06:00

We all need a little help sometimes!

Someone to lean

on and help us get

our feet back

on the ground.

We all can and will need some help, at sometime in our lives. Having people in our lives that we can lean on is important to our over all sense of optimal well being. Consider the words of John Donne: "No man is an island".

We can learn to accept help or "lean" on family, partners, friends and/or the random acts of kindness from strangers. We can learn to welcome and embrace it without becoming dependent on it, (this is the fear or pattern of many).

Why is it that many of us either have such a difficult time asking for help and others of us, so easily expect and rely upon it? For many, disappointment in ourselves and others have formed a brick wall around us. Such negative experiences, events and feelings may have convinced some they need no one. In fact, others' support leaves some people to feel that they cannot negotiate life without others, leaving them uncomfortably vulnerable.

This has always been an interesting phenomenon to me. Maybe the answers lies in how and what we learned as children, how we integrated this into our adult lives and the cumulative effect of previous and more recent disappointments we have experienced.

I believe there is absolutely no shame in asking for or needing help once in a while, especially when it is needed. The real shame is in living totally reliant upon it or being utterly unable or unwilling to ask for and/or receive it.

We must also remember to seek the help we need from those who are capable of doing giving it. If not, we will be setting ourselves up for even more disappointment. We must learn to choose wisely. If we ask someone and they cannot, please leave yourself open to believing that another can and will! Trust me, we, (they), are out there.

As I often write and speak about, (as with many other issues), balance is always the key!

As a national and local responder for the American Red Cross: Disaster Mental Health Team, (in addition to being a licensed mental health clinician in private practice), I have seen thousands of people in need of help.

Let us consider survivors of disasters. Most survivors are willing to accept the material type of help offered; such as food, shelter and clothing, however, there are many less willing to accept, let alone ask for, assistance dealing with their emotional state of well being.

Feeling yourself to be strong is a good thing, however,"help" is not a dirty word nor does it mean the need for it equals weakness. The truth is, we all need a little help, someone to lean on, once in a while. It should not take a major disaster or life alerting event, to be open to the notion of requiring "help".

Lest us not forget....if we, ourselves, cannot ask for or accept help, how then can we be there, fully, for others when they do? Remembering "No man, (or woman), is an island" and be a person who helps others, as well as yourself. This really is another route to being the best we can be!

Positive Adaptation's proposes that we 'Think Feel and Do' better, become the best you, you can be, live and enjoy life to the fullest.

Let us try to 'Think, Feel and Do' better at being more open to asking for, receiving and being fully present to 'help'. May we learn how to lean on others, (when needed), and become someone who can be leaned upon.

Victoria

* Thank you to all of my "helpers". Especially DH, RRK, DRK and HK. I only hope I give back as much as I have received.

1/1/11 - A Special Year Ahead

2010-12-30T20:43:00.000-06:00

To A Special Year!
1/1/11 - 1/11/11 - 11/11/11
and everyday

Apollo 11:
First manned mission
to land on the moon

DaVinci's "The Last Supper:
If you look closely, there
are 11 rectangles and 11 hands
on both the right and left side

If you believe in Numerology, Astrology or in my case, mere coincidence, the number 11 has had significant meaning throughout history; including the belief that the number 11 has mystical powers.

It also has been said that the number 11 is: "the life path of illumination, enlightenment and spirituality", "represents balance", "a number that says: Pay Attention".

2011 also represents "The end of the Mayan Calendar and the beginning of a universal shift". Maybe 2011 is the year we do indeed pay more attention and strive for more clarity and balance by actively seeking greater positive changes in ourselves and our lives. I know I will do my best!

May 2011 be a wonderful year, full of new beginnings, for us all.

Happy New Year!

Victoria

Alone Does Not Have To Mean Lonely

2010-12-05T08:20:00.004-06:00

As the holidays approach, many people find themselves feeling especially lonely. This video was sent to me by a friends and I believe, through visuals, music and words, it shows that alone does not need to mean lonely.

Please watch "How To Be Alone" and decide for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs

I believe the most lonely anyone ever feels is when they are in a crowd of people and they are uncomfortable with themselves; not when they are alone and in an "okay" place with themselves.

We can be our best company. We can think, feel and do better with this concept and accompanying feelings, starting now.

So, before the actual holiday season is completely upon us, let's contemplate the message in the video above and take some action.

There is much joy and freedom to be found when you care about yourself enough to be alone, without feeling lonely. A big goal for some, sure, but a very obtainable one. In fact, being able to be okay alone usually makes being with others that much more enjoyable.

Please let me know your thoughts on this concept and the video.

Until next time,
Victoria

A Look at Feelings: Part One

2010-10-15T08:00:00.000-05:00

Fig. 1

Fig. 2

Feelings:

1. A subjective response to a person, thing or situation
2. An emotional state or reaction
3. The emotional side of someone's character,

emotional responses or tendencies to respond

There are a number of theories that have been proposed to describe and understand the nature of our feelings or emotions.

I think Richard Plutchick’s definition is one of the easiest to understand. His definition can be understood as more of a description of our emotions rather than an explanation of how our emotions work. Plutchik, an American psychologist, proposed that there is a basic set of emotions that all people experience. These emotions are a part of us and directly relate to our adaptive behavior that is designed to enhance our survival instincts, in the same way as the fight or flight response is designed to help us survive.

Plutchik's model is based on an emotion wheel with eight basic emotions, (see Fig. 1). Positive emotions are seen to have a positive impact on our health while negative emotions can make us feel ill. He suggests that we can experience a blend of emotions. These can be seen on the color wheel, which illustrates that emotions vary in their intensity, (see Fig. 2).

It seems to me, a majority of people experience feelings as black or white. For instance, if you’re not sad, you’re happy. I contend, for example, the opposite of love is not hate. The goal is: indifference. The ‘trick’ is how do I change my thinking to understand the ‘grey’ area between black and white and understand that this middle ground of feelings is both desirable and obtainable!

A drawback I find with Plutchik’s theory is that he provides little room for the cognitive thought process. Other studies, which have focused on the topic of emotions, believe this ‘grey’ area of emotional response to be an important component of the cognitive thought process. I support this type of integrative approach.

Enter, Stanley Schachter. He proposes that our environment, as well as, our thought process contribute to the type of emotional experiences we have in any situation. According to Schachter, we recognize the emotions we experience as coming from a number of interacting events. People must make an appraisal of the situation and then figure out which particular emotion(s) they are feeling. This process helps an individual appraise a situation, which in turn, affects the emotion(s) they experience.

Theories or no theories, the fact is we do have feelings.
I, for one, believe feelings do indeed interact with our thought process and subsequent actions. Therefore, feelings are vital to address in this context of Positive Adaptation.

More to come on feelings; how they serve us, what we can do to learn how to embrace them while at the same time, avoid letting them control us and/or our actions.

Until then...
Victoria

Don't Settle, Only Compromise

2010-09-28T08:51:00.008-05:00

"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for."
~ Maureen Dowd, N.Y. Times

I define settling as: accepting the unacceptable. Oddly enough, many of us seem to continually rationalize, (especially in our relationships), lowering our standards of what is acceptable to us, (having our needs and most of our wants met), until at some point, we are so miserable and find out what we have settled for. And we wonder how we got here.

I am completely in favor of compromise. Compromise is defined: as the result of a process of communication and give and take, we mutually agree to make concessions so that all parties feel it is fair and equitable.
Sure, we may have to give something up, but we are doing so in an effort to get our needs and wants met and help others do the same.

We generally do not find ourselves wondering how we got here or miserable when the art of compromise is used. No, that misery is left for those who settle for less than having their needs and most of their wants met.

We can all do better. Once you believe in yourself and understand that you are worth more, you too can learn the art and benefits of compromise. Will we always get what we need and want, (especially from other people), probably not. This is when acceptance and Positive Adaptation are very helpful.

Life is too short to "settle". Today find where you may be settling for less than you need, want or deserve and apply compromise to the situation. You will "Think, Feel and Do" better for it.

Make it a great one!
Victoria

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

Standing In Your Truth

2010-08-07T07:49:00.001-05:00

Let us take a moment
out and reflect upon...

Standing In Your Truth.

Stand in what truths you ask? Ask yourselves the questions below for starters:

1. Who am I, really? (Now, today, not who I used to think I was or who others told me I was.)
2. Have I identified my current thought, feeling and behavioral patterns?
3. Are any of them no longer useful, or worse, now harmful to me?
4. Have I given serious consideration as to how to go about making the necessary changes, in myself, so I may break these old and harmful patterns?
5. In what positive ways would I better experience life and love, when I succeeded in doing so?
6. Am I ready to Stand In My Truth and begin the process of positive change, today?

If the answer to #6 is a resounding YES, then, please, stick with it.

Stand in your truth, as this is where real personal freedom is found.

Please review the archive of some of older posts on this blog. Choose a few titles that catch your eye or appear to address the change you seek and read on. After doing so, please go back and ask yourselves these same 6 questions above, once again.

I think you will see, we all have ways in which we can make positive changes in ourselves, learn to live and love on much richer and deeper levels and above all, enjoy life to its' fullest!

Enjoy the moments. The very best ones are when you are standing in your truth.

Victoria

(photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan)

Coping With Disappointment, Better!

2010-07-31T07:37:00.001-05:00

"Things are simply what they are. We cannot always choose our external circumstance, but we can choose how we respond to them."

~ Epictetus - The Art of Living

I understand dealing with disappointment can feel overwhelming sometimes. It is hard enough to cope with the emotions and outcomes that are caused by our own actions, however, in most incidences we make a concerted effort not to disappoint ourselves again, at least not in the same way.

But when someone or something outside of ourselves, (i.e. a spouse, friend, child, finances and/or job related issue), disappoints us, what can we really do about it? I say, the same thing! We can make valiant efforts to cope better and do all we can to avoid "it" from happening again.

First, avoid simply dismissing your feelings about it. Your feelings are important. Instead, try to 'Think, Feel and Do' something different about it. More specifically: 1) Identifying and learn to understand what, exactly, you are disappointed about, 2) How and why did you become so disappointed and 3) Discover what are you really feeling and how you can come to a state of peace and resolution with what has occurred.

These steps, although difficult and often painful at times, can transform the actual event(s) from being negatives into vital and wonderful learning experiences.

"Even the most confusing and hurtful aspects of life can be made more tolerable by clear seeing and by choice." If we can figure out the how's, why's and what's, we may be able to prevent the same from occurring again, thus increasing our likelihood of experiencing even greater success and happiness in the future.

Disappointment is merely a part of "normal" life and the process of becoming the best we can be. Therefore, do not give in to disappointments. Rather, allow them to strengthen your resolve to continue in the pursuit of achieving your dreams and aspirations.

Maintain hope for the future, but live in the present. We can make today an "okay" day and work on tomorrow being even better. With a more positive attitude, (admittedly not easy all the time), there is much less room in our lives for the negative effects of our disappointments to dominate us, leaving us much more room for experiencing joyfulness.

We can and will cope, (better), with whatever comes our way.

Do not allow your spirit to be broken, by yourself or anyone else.

You will see, through practicing Positive Adaptation, in time, more will be revealed. Believe....the best you is yet to come.

Victoria

What Matters Is What Happens In You!

2010-07-09T08:26:00.001-05:00

"Things may happen around you

and things may happen to you,

but the only thing that really matters

is what happens in you."

~Elise Robinson

Whether we are in the midst of chaos, just getting by or doing well, we can always do better! We need to fill our minds with positivity to seek out opportunities and solutions, which until now, we had yet to consider. To achieve this, we must change how we view ourselves and our world around us.

We all need a plan, a road map if you will. Positive Adaptation is just that: 'Think, Feel and Do' your best and then you will live and enjoy life to the fullest.

When faced with a 'problem' or you are baffled as to what to do next, instead of being fearful or angry, try looking at it for what it really is: an opportunity for positive personal growth.

'Think, Feel and Do' differently than you have in the past. Open your heart and mind to all the of possibilities. With this type of positive view, (and actions), your results are much more likely to be positive as well.

In our ongoing search for our best selves, a life filled with peace and serenity, let us remember what matters most is what happens inside of us.

"On a clear day, you can....." Have a listen.

Victoria

"Peace /Serenity"

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

"The Rest and Best Remains Unwritten"

2010-07-01T07:38:00.001-05:00

"Only the past chapters of our lives have been completed. The rest of our life's story remains unwritten." ~ V. Baum

"When you make the present moment, instead of past and future, the focal point of your life, your ability to enjoy what you do - and with it the quality of your life - increases dramatically."

~ Eckhart Tolle

Where ever you are in life, personally and/or professionally, you can begin anew, today, through Positive Adaptation. We can all learn to 'Think Feel and Do' better if we choose to. Let us choose to start on a fresh page today.

'Things don't change, we must change'. We may not be able to choose or be in complete control of our external circumstances nor the actions of others, however, we can change how we choose to respond to them. What really matters is who we are on the inside, who we are becoming and how we 'show up' in the world each day.

We can choose to shed our outmoded attitudes and subsequent behaviors and replace them with new, more positive and productive ones. In doing so, we assist ourselves in being better equipped to handle any and all challenges or situations which we may encounter throughout the day.

We will strive to be a first rate version of ourselves; 'Think, Feel and Do' our best and always remember: our best must be good enough, for us, today. When we live in this way we are much more likely to enjoy life to the fullest.

I, too, have circumstances and external negative influences that require I utilize the principles and techniques of Positive Adaptation to help me. I cannot say that I am instantly aware of the need all of the time nor that I 'Think, Feel and Do' perfectly as I am not perfect. I can say.... I do my best in the day I am in and that has become good enough. I always try to be and do even better the next day.

No matter how old we are, today is the best day of the rest of our lives!

From this instant on, we can vow to forgive ourselves for the past, (for this we cannot change), and remember we are but mere mortals. We will, to the very best of our ability, stop disappointing ourselves today, (as we have already decided to become our best, extraordinary selves) and learn to live and enjoy life to the fullest, rejoicing in every positive outcome.

Today, we start on a fresh page in the book of life. What will you be writing in yours? I know mine begins: "Today I will be the best me I can be and...."

Yesterday is history and the rest our life's story remains unwritten. Go ahead, make today the best one yet.

Victoria
P.S. Happy Birthday, David

Ruby Slippers - Just Over The Rainbow

2010-06-24T13:13:00.000-05:00

Just outside my window last night, I saw this rainbow. It reminded me, once again, of all that is possible.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

(This post is not new material, however, per request, I have posted it again, with the music. Thanks for asking. )

One of my favorite movies of all time is The Wizard of Oz. The story encapsulates all the principle elements of what I call Positive Adaptation.

You probably know the story line; a girl named Dorothy finds herself in a situation she neither knows how she got into nor how to get out from. She is told to follow the Yellow Brick Road to the Land of Oz where she will find the "all knowing, all powerful Wizard of Oz". Once there, he will provide the solution to her problem. Sound familiar?

Dorothy heads out on a fantastic journey where she meets three guides. They want to help her find her way home and hope the Wizard can help them too. The Scarecrow wants a brain, (think), Tin Man wants a heart, (feel), and the Lion wants courage, (do).

The Wicked Witch of the West wants what Dorothy has, the Ruby Slippers. She does everything within her power to get the Ruby Slippers from Dorothy before she can reach the Wizard. The wicked witch fails and the group returns victorious to Oz, feeling empowered and worthy of the Wizard's help.

Once there, they discover the Wizard is not really a wizard at all, but merely a human being. Still, he is able to help the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Lion. He points out, as shown by their own actions, they already possess within them, what is they were searching for.

And then there is Dorothy; happy for her friends but still not sure how she will get what she wants, to find her way home.

Poof! Glinda, the Good Witch of the North appears and explains to Dorothy that she has also had the ability with her the entire time, represented by the Ruby Slippers. She needed only to know it and to learn how to use them. Remember....click your heals together three times?

Dorothy and her Ruby Slippers remind us that other people can help us but we must not rely solely upon them to 'fix' us or to 'make us' happy. We need to continue on our own paths using our guides of thinking, feeling and doing. We must maintain the self assurance that we already possess within us what it takes to get 'better' and be 'happier' and the willingness to seek it.

Try living Positive Adaptation and you too will discover you have your own pair of 'Ruby Slippers'. You can learn how to use them and achieve your own 'hearts desire'.

Just go over the rainbow and follow the yellow brick road to reach yours!

Victoria

Happy Father's - DAD's Day!

2010-06-19T09:20:00.001-05:00

Today is Father's Day. I choose to call it "Dad's Day", as I believe there is a distinction. Becoming a father is not all that difficult, however, Being a great Dad is! So in honor of the day; a heartfelt thank you to all Dads!

Some of us have lost our Dad's, but please remember: Death ends a life, not a relationship. Today, let us remember all the love, support and pride they so freely showed us, the knowledge they imparted on us and the wonderful example they set for us.

Moms and dads: may you both celebrate the wonderful Dad you are becoming. You have the ability to follow a good example or choose to start a new tradition in great parenting!

To all of you who have become Dads to kids with different "biological fathers, I salute you! You are a blessing to the kids and us, their mothers. You are a great source of love, pride and worldly knowledege that might not otherwise be present in their lives. Please know, especially today, you are greatly needed and appreciated!

Today is a great day to say, (and hear), Thank You, Dad. I love you!

So today, I say thank you both to my own Father and Dad, (I am sure you can hear me), and a special thank you to my son's "Dad", David. We are both grateful that you are in our lives. WE love you!

Victoria

Remembering

2010-06-06T06:22:00.001-05:00

Dad, Opa, Professor, General, (Ret.)

Bernard H. Baum

It has been two years today since my father died, yet it feels like yesterday. Maybe that is because, as my father used to so profoundly say, "Death ends a life, not a relationship."

We are blessed to know, love and be loved by such special people. We do not need forget or get over them, rather, we ought to remember and embrace all that we shared. After all, is not this the way to truly honor them and the relationship we share?

My Oma, (his mother, my grandmother), as a small child, told me in attempt to explain death, "The people you love and who love you, never really die because you carry them in your heart. In fact, every time you speak kindly of them, share a memory or story about them, you spread their spirit to others and that is what keeps them alive in yours, and others, hearts."

There are so many stories, things he used to say, (we call them "Opa-isms"), and ways in which he is still with all he knew and loved.

Today, I will celebrate my father and the wonderful relationship WE LEARNED to have together, by honoring and cherishing the good memories and make a point to share them with others.

Please consider this post the first, of many ways, I plan to share Bernie, (Dad, Opa, Professor, General), Baum with the world today.

More to come, Sunday, June 20th, on Father's Day.

Tell someone special in your life today that you love them! Give them a big hug. Remember someone special today that is gone. I promise, you will both feel better for it.

Victoria

(Proud and loving daughter)

Changes

2010-05-16T11:59:00.001-05:00

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."

~ Maya Angelou

When we know this to our core and have a developed a pretty clear sense as to why, the next questions must then become: Now what? What am I going to do about it? Exactly how will I make the changes I must to think, feel and especially, do better in the future.

No matter what the source of our sense of unhappiness, please remember, we always have the power to change our attitude toward whatever or whom ever is causing us this unhappiness and just how much we let it/them negatively effect us. This is especially true if the real culprit is us.

I often say to my clients and friends, "Yes, this is a simple concept, yet in reality, it is not so easy to do in everyday life." Admittedly, it is not always easy for me, but indeed, eventually, it is always doable!

Our attitude can and will, alter how we think, feel and do. Negativity begets negativity, whereas positivity offers us a much greater chance at achieving positive results and thus, gratitude and happiness.

We must make the necessary changes, break old patterns of thought, feeling and actions.

Take the next exit, "Changes", off the old road. This is the one which will lead us to living and enjoying a happier life - one filled with happiness and joy. Ask the best of yourself and you will see and feel positive results.

You can be assured I am with you.

Victoria

Celebrate With Me

2010-05-09T09:11:00.004-05:00

Today is Mother's Day and tomorrow is my birthday. I am proud to announce that I am 51 years young today! I have stopped fretting over the number, after all, age is only a matter of the mind and if you don't mind, it doesn't matter. I don't mind a bit because I am feeling better, enjoying life and love, more today than ever.

Growing up, I shared my birthday many times celebrating Mother's Day as well. As my dear father used to say; "May every day be Mother's Day, may roses grow along your way". Yes, Dad, (and Mom), roses do grow along my way. Now I even stop to smell them!

Thank you, Mom, Dad and all the rest of you, (I hope you know, through my words and actions, who your are), for believing in me before I believed in myself! My gift to myself this year is to continue to attempt to help others be stronger, believe in their best selves, love and enjoy life to the fullest, just as I have learned to do!

I invite all of you to joyfully celebrate May 10, 2010, with me! Whether you are a mother or not, have a birthday today or not, please, celebrate yourselves and those who have helped you along your journey!

The best is yet to come. May you find joy in this day and all the days that follow. I will be right there with you!

Victoria

P.S.- Please take the time to watch 'Mom and baby squirrels' video. If squirrels can, so can we! http://webcastr.com/videos/underground/ucla-Story-About-a-Big-Squirrel-And-a-Baby-Squirrel.html

Let's Play Ball!

2010-05-04T06:20:00.000-05:00

"It's hard to beat

a guy who never

gives up."

~ Babe Ruth

"Everyday is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday's success or put it's failures behind and start over again. That is the way life is; a new game every day and that's the way baseball is." ~Bob Feller

We cannot be 'happier' if we do not at least try! Positive Adaptation offers a way to Think, Feel and Do your way into being the best you can be and enjoying life to the fullest. Life is too short not to at least take a swing at it!

Consider the movie "Field of Dreams". You know, "If you build it, they will come". Kevin Kostner's character thought about it, felt deeply and then did what most thought was the impossible, he built it and they did come! He fulfilled his dream, shared it with others and so can you.

"There are three types of baseball players: those who make it happen, those who watch it happen and those who wonder what happens." ~Tommy Lasorda. Which one do you want to be?

Lou Gehrig, even after discovering he was ill, kept a positive attitude. He told the entire world he might have had a tough break but still considered himself the luckiest man on earth.

You cannot win unless you play, right? So today, make the decision not to sit in the grandstands just watching, choose to get in the game of life! Remember, it is not whether you win or loose, it is how you play. All we ever need to do is be and do our best.

There is no such thing as three strikes and you are out in life! Keep at it, you are bound to hit one out of the park!

Victoria

Photo: Julie Crawford

Learning To Dance In The Rain

2010-04-26T08:22:00.002-05:00

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass...

it is about learning to dance in the rain."

~ Vivanne Grenne

Until yesterday, it was stormy and pouring down rain, on and off, for days, so I asked myself: "Do I dance in the rain or just sit around inside waiting for it to pass." The honest answer is both, but I find dancing to be the better of the two options.

Many people believe they can only enjoy life to the fullest when they have a lot of money, are in a wonderfully romantic relationship, have a successful career, etc. Not so! Consider this: money does not buy happiness, it only makes misery more comfortable.

We do not have to wait for something or someone to 'happen to us' for us to feel worthy and capable of feeling happiness. In fact, until now, that way of thinking has allowed countless opportunities for happiness and positive personal growth to pass us by.

True happiness is not found in the 'whens' of life, it is found within us and is within our reach, here, now, today. If we learn to value and have a good relationship with ourselves, feel competent, (and be there for others), then we have what we need to enjoy life right now. Having the willingness to be open to new and different ways of viewing ourselves and embracing our ability to adapt to changes, (which are bound to occur), are vital to the process of finding and sustaining happiness.

Will we feel happy all of the time? No. However, next time you see clouds on the horizon, you can choose not to grumble about the impending storm. Instead, you can choose to enjoy it and view this as an opportunity to think, feel and do something differently.

Think about this: When we are young, dancing in the rain is fun and a perfectly acceptable form of behavior. I say it still is; both literally and metaphorically.

Next time, we will choose to dance in the rain.

Victoria

A Time of Renewal and Change

2010-04-15T08:44:00.001-05:00

It is Spring time.... a time of renewal and change.

"It is not the strongest of species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change."

~ Charles Darwin

Change is inevitable! We know this to be true, intellectually. However, most of us are resistant to change, first and responsive to it second.

Fair enough; change can be frightening. We do not generally embrace change naturally and without some resistance. No, first we need to think about why we must change, work through our feelings about it and then take the necessary actions to make change.

The term 'adaptation' literally means something, such as a behavior, that is changed so as to become more suitable to a new or special situation. Utilizing Positive Adaptation as a method we can become more responsive and less resistant to all types of changes. One way to accomplish this is to view change with a more positive attitude, not as the enemy, but rather, as an opportunity for positive growth and a chance at a form of renewal.

Whether or not we thought about changing, invited the circumstance or the need arose that required us to do so, we must learn to become more accepting of and responsive to change. This is yet another way to become the best we can be - allowing us to live 'happier', 'better' lives. We can go through the process of change with less fear and gain greater confidence in our ability to adapt.

If flowers can change naturally, we, too, can learn to adapt and change with greater ease, grace and comfort.

To becoming more responsive to your time of renewal and change...

Victoria

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

Break on Through To The Other Side

2010-03-19T09:35:00.001-05:00

"The doors we open and close each day

decide the lives we live."

~Flora Whittemore

How many times have your heard the saying, "When one door closes, another one opens"? It seems no matter how many, we often forget this in times of crisis, disappointment and unrequested change.

We need not fully understand why a change is occurring to ask ourselves: Am I going to let this door hit me in the rear or am I going to 'break on through to the other side'?

Very often the doors that close are positive for us! Let's be honest, whether it be fear or insecurities, we often wait too long to make the necessary changes on our own . There are times when we ought to be grateful for the closure and consider what new and more positive paths await us.

The choice is always ours. Are you a survivor or a victim of change?

I always advocate for survivor and therefore, thriver!

This is one way to utilize Positive Adaptation and 'Think, Feel and Do' your way into becoming the best you can be. Remember, life is to be enjoyed, not survived!

Go ahead, look back and ponder for a bit, always remembering, "The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live."

Now, please spend the rest of your time and energies finding and going through the new, more positive door. It is through this door you will discover your best self and gain the ability to enjoy all the wonderful life experiences that await you.

Believe: You too can "break on through to the other side".

Victoria

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

Choose To "Restart"

2010-02-21T07:30:00.001-06:00

We can choose to restart our days, our lives, anytime!

We restart our computers when they are not running at optimal levels, so why not our ourselves?

When a computer application is running slowly or continues to cause problems, don't you eventually come to realize what the problem is, force it to quit and restart your system?

We can come to the same conclusion and make the same decision about ourselves and our lives! We can restart anytime!

Through Positive Adaptation, we can 'Think, Feel and Do' better about ourselves and our lives. By examining and discovering the "Patterns" which have become embedded in us, leading us to where we are now, we will come to know what needs changing! The answer, which seems so simple, but not always easily achieved is: Ourselves.

Please take the time and read a few previous posts for more detailed descriptions and motivation; including:

"P.A. - An Overview"

http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/02/positive-adaptation-overview.html

"Patterns"

http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/02/lets-begin-learn-to-identify-patterns.html

I understand that change, of any kind, can be scary, however, there are also times when remaining in your status quo appear equally as frightening, if not more so.

I have made, (and continue to), positive changes and also help others to do so as well. I am confident you can too.

You may begin by just thinking about some of the changes needed or start Doing today and choose to give up a negative behavior and replacing it with a more positive one.

You can decide to do this anytime you want or need to, as many times as you feel is necessary. You will 'Think, Feel and Do' better and be happier. In time, you will discover you are positively changing the direction of your entire life!

When should you begin? My answer: There is no time like the present.

Push one of the buttons inside of yourself and restart today and you too can enjoy and live your life to the fullest too!

Decide to 'Think, Feel and Do' better and allow yourself to be happy.

Victoria

Reason versus Truth

2010-01-25T08:59:00.031-06:00

"I have one request: may I never use

my reason against truth."

~ Elie Wiesel

Most of us grew up hearing "Honesty is the best policy". However, somewhere along the way, many of us figured out there are loopholes to be found in this statement and we became quite proficient at finding and using them.

We seem to develop other, less positive, coping mechanisms: rationalizing, making excuses, omitting certain details, "sugar coating" and other ways in which to "spin the truth". We generally are prone to engage in these when we do not want, (or others), to have to face something unpleasant and/or when negative consequences appear imminent.

Let us not kid ourselves, there are many ways to be dishonest. A major problem with utilizing these negative techniques is it is a fundamental betrayal to ourselves and others. In fact, if we learn to use them too well, we are at risk of actually believing our own lies.

Honesty, (truthfulness), especially with ourselves, is actually a great asset and no matter what the situation, can provide a sense of inner peace and freedom.

The courage to look reality squarely in the face is a huge first step in best coping with it in a productive, positive and healthy manner.

Yes, the truth can hurt, however, not dealing with it can be much worse. I have found that being honest hurts much less in the long run.

To truly become our best selves, we must learn to believe and trust in the fact that we are strong enough to handle the truth, whatever it is, and not use "reason" to avoid it. When we do, this is when our best coping and healing skills are found.

'Truth is the best policy", if we want to 'Think, Feel and Do' and be our best.

We must only remember how we deliver the truth is equally as important as telling it. There is generally no need to be brutal. We need only be considerate of our own and others feelings and we will do just fine.

We can handle the truth. In doing so, we are being our best. It is in standing and living in our truth that we will find greater personal freedom and the inner peace we seek.

Victoria

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

Triumph of the Human Spirit

2010-01-17T12:54:00.014-06:00

Rocky was an underdog who achieved

Triumph of the human spirit.

This post is dedicated to all who did and did not survive the horrific earthquake in Haiti this week, their families and friends and to all the wonderful people from around the world who are helping, in one way or another.

We can help others, (and ourselves), to triumph over adversity!

Please, use Positive Adaptation and 'Think, Feel and Do' something this week to be part of the healing process.

Victoria

New Year: Positive Changes

2010-01-04T10:13:00.045-06:00

(image is Chimp - Gorilla)

"If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make the change." ~ Michael Jackson from "Man in the Mirror"

It is that time of year again, the beginning of a new year. So what are you going to do to make it your best year ever?

My suggestion is to practice 'Positive Adaptation - Think, Feel and Do' your best. In doing so, you can begin making the positive changes needed to insure you are your best self, thus enjoy living life to the fullest, right now! What better New Year's resolution can there be?

The first step is to be willing to take a good, long, honest look at yourself. Begin with examining your attitude,(think and feel). Do you have a positive view of yourself and the world around you? Do you take good care of yourself, emotionally and physically? Are you where you want to be? Are your relationships the best they can be? Are you on a career path which you believe will lead you where you want to go? Can you see opportunities for positive, personal and professional growth?

The real question is: Are you doing all you can to so that by this time next year, you are able to answer 'yes'? If not, what positive changes or actions are required?

We cannot rely on others to make this happen or do this for us! We must participate in the process. After all, it is our happiness, (and others, of course), at stake here. We must own what is ours and be willing do the work necessary to achieve our goals.

In upcoming posts this January, I will be taking a look at many of the wonderful possibilities so we may all achieve the positive changes we seek.

Let us all be able to say, this time next year, "Wow! What a great year that was. I cannot wait to see what next year holds for me and mine."

To making positive changes!

Victoria

Happy New Year!

2009-12-30T07:27:00.034-06:00

2010

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rId95N2teUc&feature=related

At the stroke of midnight, New Year's Eve, this song is played all over the world. In the film "When Harry Met Sally", after he declares his love for her at a party, Harry says to Sally, "I never really understood what the song meant. I mean, 'Should old acquaintance be forgot?' Does that mean that we should forget old acquaintances or does it mean if we happened to forget them, we should remember them, which is not possible because we already forgot?"

I am with you Harry! What does that song really mean? You know what, it doesn't really matter!

What does matter is that we take all we have experienced and learned in the year passing and use it to help us make the new year even better, the best one yet!

One way to achieve this is to learn and practice 'Positive Adaptation'. We can all strive, learn and become 'better'; better to ourselves, our spouses and children, friends and family, our careers and better with all others with whom we interact.

Let us make our New Year's Resolution, (and keep it!), this year to practicing Positive Adaptation. May we all 'Think, Feel and Do' our best and thus enjoy life to the fullest in 2010!

Let the Good Times Roll and remember Happy Days Are Here! (music to both on the right side of text)

May this be the best year yet for us all!

Victoria

Believe!

2009-12-24T13:10:00.007-06:00

Believe what in what your heart is saying.

Believe in what you feel inside and

Give your dreams the wings to fly!

You have everything you need if you just believe!

Happy Holidays!

Victoria

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

Be inspired: "Make my day."

2009-12-11T08:01:00.023-06:00

"The main thing is not how long you're

on the planet, but the quality you have while

you are here. That is the only thing

that really matters." ~ Clint Eastwood

Clint Eastwood: another person is my series of actual people who personify Positive Adaptation in action. At every age, he states he has challenged himself to learn, grow and be the best he can be.

Eastwood, who almost 40 years ago, in the classic film "Dirty Harry" said: "Go ahead, make my day." is still making the very most of every one of his days.

Now, almost 80 years young, Eastwood lives his own words of wisdom: "Follow what you think. You want to do something? Then just do it the best you can." He believes that living ones' best life is about "expanding, constantly pushing yourself."

Clint Eastwood's career, from 'Spagetti Western" actor to multi-academy award winning actor and director, is proof of his dedication to self and professional growth. "He challenges his audiences by challenging himself and inspires us all in the process."

Today, let us follow his example. Let us be inspired to be the best we can be, live and enjoy life to the fullest.

Go ahead.... make your day!

Victoria

See Clearly Now So You May Grow

2009-11-21T09:02:00.019-06:00

There is an American Indian tale about a mouse who hears a roaring noise in his ear. The mouse sets out to discover what the noise is. He encounters many animals who help him along his journey. The mouse also has the opportunity to offer help to others. He gives his eyes away to help two other animals.

Now, without his sight, he feels defenseless and decides there is nothing to do but just sit and wait "for the end". Then, suddenly, the mouse hears the sound that eagles make as they dive for their prey. The next thing he knows....he is flying and can see all the splendors around him.

The mouse hears a voice say: "You have a new name. You are now Eagle".

This tale reminds me that sometimes we have to give up our old eyes to see ourselves, others and life in general, in a new and different way. When we do this, we are rewarded with a new kind of vision - one which allows us to experience all life has to offer.

If we want to continue to become the best we can be and enjoy life to the fullest, there are times we must change the way we 'Think, Feel Do' and See. This is Positive Adaptation.

We too can become eagles and soar.

Victoria

(Thank you, Renee)

Life Is What We Make It!

2009-11-13T17:13:00.034-06:00

"Life is what we make it,

always has been,

always will be."

~ Grandma Moses

aka: Anna Mary Robertson Moses

1860-1961

"Grandma Moses" did not begin to paint until she was 75 years old! She chose to paint when, due to arthritis, she became unable to do her needlework any longer. She may not have been able to hold a needle any longer, however, she found she was capable of holding a paint brush. In her last 27 years of life she created over 1,600 paintings. Now that is what I call Positive Adaptation.

Anna Mary (Robertson) Moses did not always have an easy life. She bore 10 children, of which only 5 survived. She lost her husband in 1927 and never remarried.

Consider this: She was born before Abraham Lincoln was president, survived The Civil War, WW I, The Great Depression, World WW II, The Korean War and lived to see herself and the entire world around her change, several times over.

Grandma Moses is also famous for saying: "Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be."

It has been said that Grandma Moses remained, (until her death at 101 years young), one fiesty, strong willed, charming, warm, loving, and optimistic woman.

Grandma Moses was a personification of what I call Positive Adaptation. I can only assume that this remarkable woman did 'Think, Feel and Do' her best and certainly appeared to enjoy life to the fullest!

Anna never gave up. She positively adapted to whatever occurred and was said to have always truly loved life! We can learn so much from her attitude and how she lived her life.

If she could, we can we too.

Victoria

* Please, feel free to look up the remarkable work and life story of Anna Mary Robertson Moses, aka: "Grandma Moses".

We Can Learn Much From Others

2009-09-15T08:36:00.061-05:00

I chose to share this today as a valuable reminder to us all. We need not agree with nor follow all of the Ms. Regina Brett's lessons listed below to be and feel better about ourselves and our lives.

FYI: contrary to popular belief, Ms. Brett was not 90 years old when she wrote and published this. In fact, as of this date, she is only 54 years old. Regardless of age, she expresses great wisdom. It certainly appears to me she subscribes to some version of ‘Positive Adaptation’. What do you think?

"Regina Brett's 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on"

Published May 28, 2006 in "The Plain Dealer"

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.

It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

And two of my personal favorites: “Age is a matter if the mind. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter." and "Be happy while your are alive. You are dead for a lot longer."

Consider practicing at least some of Ms. Brett's, (and your own), life lessons today and just see how much better you 'Think, Feel and Do'!

Victoria

P.S. Please, let me know how it goes.

Take a Break - Relax to the Sounds and Sight of the Surf

2009-09-05T09:34:00.026-05:00

"Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind." ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

When was the last time you spent a few quiet moments doing nothing but giving your body and mind a chance to rest?

We all need breaks from the action of daily living. We must learn to allow ourselves time to rejuvenate.

It takes positive energy to be the best we can be, live and enjoy life to the fullest.

After some much needed rest, we will be ready and able to move forward again and utilizing the three principles of Positive Adaptation: Think, Feel and Do, we will do just that.

So for now, make some time for yourself to just relax and be still. Even if it is only for a few short minutes a day, I believe you will Feel better for having done so.

Enjoy your quiet time.

Victoria

Getting To Know Me...

2009-08-09T10:01:00.006-05:00

Now and Then....

As I end my summer 'blogcation' I share with you an interview I did with Phil Bolsta, author of the book "Sixty Seconds".

http://bolstablog.wordpress.com/2009/08/08/victoria/

Enjoy your day and I will see you back here soon with the first of new posts: "Positive Healthy Boundaries" soon!

Victoria

"Dahlia, Now and Then"

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

Gone To The Beach - (Reposts)

2009-07-29T06:48:00.031-05:00

I am taking a summer break, however, I have reposted a few previous ones for you to either reread or enjoy for the first time. You can always go back into the archives and pick a few different ones, as well.

New posts coming soon, including how to apply Positive Adaptation to "Positive Ways To Set And Maintain Healthy Boundaries" and "Push The Envelope - You Will Need A Larger One".

Make it a wonderful week.

Victoria

"What Matters Most is How You See Yourself"

http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/04/what-matters-most-is-how-you-see.html

"Enjoy The Challenge"

http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/06/enjoy-facing-challenges.html

"Ruby Slippers"

http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/04/ruby-slippers.html

"Learning to Dance In The Rain"

http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/05/learning-to-dance-in-rain.html

Believe In Yourself

2009-07-24T06:49:00.022-05:00

"The Liger"

Graphic Design by: Jordan Baum Crawford

What we teach our children, by word and deed, are their first examples in life! I taught mine to believe; especially in yourself.

What a joy this was to see. By George, I think he's got it!

What do you want to teach your children or learn yourself?

With Positive Adaptation as a guide, all is possible.

Believe you can and mostly likely, you will.

Believe in yourself and you will have a great day.

Victoria

(One proud mama)

Joy Works From The Inside Out

2009-07-14T06:24:00.093-05:00

"Joy works from

the inside out."

~ V. Baum

Authentic joy is independent of external factors or circumstances. Joy originates from the core within us. We may not be capable of choosing all external factors which effect our lives, however, we can choose how we respond to them. Let us choose to be joyful.

Nothing outside of us can make us feel joyful. We will not find joy if sought from such things as the amount of money we make, the material items we collect or being around the 'right' people. To achieve genuine 'success' we must first choose to live a life of joyfulness. "The closer you come to your core, the greater is your joy." ~Torkom Saraydarian

I appreciate how Oprah Winfrey states what joy means: "I define joy as a sustained sense of well being and internal peace - a connection to what matters."

But what really matters to us? The answer to this question requires that we dig deep within ourselves to discover our core truth. We must reevaluate and learn, (through Positive Adaptation), who we really are now, who and what matters most to us and who we want to become.

As we age and experience life's transitions it is natural to experience changes in our priorities as well. When we discover a healthy balance; one where our thoughts, feelings and actions are in harmony, it is only then we find the kind of joy that is reflected in our new priorities. Becoming our best selves offers us the opportunity to gain the wisdom of what really matters to us and therefore, be joyful.

A significant part of obtaining and sustaining a life filled with joy comes from learning to live in the present moment. Joy is found in this day; as yesterday is over and tomorrow has yet to arrive. Living in the day insures us we will not miss a minute of joy available to us.

No real success exists without joy. If you want a true measure of your success in any particular area of your life, you can easily assess it by measuring the amount of joy you are feeling as result of what you are doing, have, etc. . Keep in mind... joy works from the inside out.

A joyful life can be yours! 'Think, Feel and Do' it. You already have everything you need. Joy is inside of you just waiting to be felt, experienced and shared.

May you be joyful today.

Victoria

Living in Harmony

2009-07-05T06:41:00.046-05:00

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." ~ Mahatma Gandi

Positive Adaptation is about achieving harmony, obtaining and sustaining a healthy balance, in all areas of life. Living a life in harmony clears the path to our being our best and enjoy life to the fullest.

We must learn to 'say what we mean, mean what we say and do as we say we will'. We cannot expect to feel harmonious if we are being dishonest with ourselves, nor can we expect much more from others than we are willing to do ourselves. We only have the power to achieve this harmony in our own lives, although when we do so, we are much more likely attract others who tend to live in the same manner.

With honesty comes a certain type of peace, as we do not have to use as much of our energy up trying to keep the stories we tell straight in our minds, hanging on to the feelings in our hearts which we are not sharing or regretting actions we may or may not have taken.

I am not suggesting that we behave like children, who have yet to fully develop appropriate 'filters'. We cannot say or do whatever we feel like, whenever we feel like, without regard for how it may effect others. We must learn to process all thoughts, feelings and actions in an effort to develop maintain the healthiest filters. This process allows harmony and peace to flow in and remain in our daily lives.

Life is all about relationships; with ourselves and others. Whether it be a personal or professional one, maintaining a high level of integrity between or thoughts, feelings and actions assists us in having the healthiest relationships possible. I find it takes much more effort to 'keep all the balls in the air' when deception of any form is involved.

We have a lot going on in our lives; family, work, school and social interactions. It can be difficult to maintain a sense of healthy balance in all areas, especially if we did not have the best of examples to learn from. I can tell you from personal and professional experience the goal of living in harmony and balance is most certainly an obtainable one. If I could learn how, you can too.

We cannot change what we do not know or understand, therefore, we must first discover who we really are in order to learn what aspects ourselves we need to change. Great strides in achieving an acceptance of how we came to be who we are can be gained through examining and reflecting upon the older patterns in our life, (see previous posts on Patterns).

However, the goal of Positive Adaptation is not to live in the past, rather it is to understand it to the best of our ability. When we do so, true change happens. We become capable of really experiencing all life has to offer and we live richer, fuller, happier lives in the present.

Positive Adaptation's goal is to learn to 'Think, Feel and Do' our best and become our best selves, the one we can and are meant to be. We are able to lay our heads down at the end of the day and fall to sleep peacefully when we know that our thoughts, feelings and actions were indeed in harmony throughout the day.

'Think, Feel and Do' in harmony today and may you feel the happiness which comes from doing so.

Today Is Your Day! (The Rest and Best-Part 2)

2009-06-29T08:57:00.090-05:00

"The Rest and Best" (con't.)

Today Is Your Day

"Oh The Places

You Will Go"

~ Dr. Seuss

Today is the day, the only one we have to become our best selves. Remember, it is never too late to become who you are meant to be and to enjoy life to the fullest. Let us begin anew, today!

Positive Adaptation teaches us that we all have the power, within us, to 'Think, Feel and Do' better. Whether the improvement sought is personal, professional, relational, financial or a combination, PA offers a guide, a way of living which assists us in finding and maintaining the healthy balance we seek.

(Read Positive Adaptation - An Overview at: http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/02/positive-adaptation-overview.html)

Positive Adaptation is a simple concept, however, not always easy in daily practice. Our patterns of 'Thinking, Feeling and Doing' are generally learned early on in life and all to often become ingrained, first nature to us. We must choose to identify the patterns that, to date, have not been working for us and then discover new, better ways to handle whatever life challenges are presented us. We have everything we need to do so, now, already within us.

Just because 'that is the way it has always been' does not mean that is the way it always has to be. Change requires courage, even when the change is for the better. We have to learn to walk through any fears we may have, as not doing so keeps us where we have always been. I love how simply Susan Jeffers's stated how to work through fear: "Feel the fear and do it anyway."

The way to achieve change is not to go around it or in avoiding it. The only way to achieve our best selves is having the courage to go through change.

Life is to not to be survived or merely existed. Life is to be experienced, savored and enjoyed. Why would we choose to settle for a 'status quo' that has not lead us where we wanted to go when we can do better?

Empower yourself! Make the decision to 'Think, Feel and Do' your best today. "You have brains in your head and feet in your shoes. You can decide which direction to choose."

This brings me to what I believe is the greatest 'self help' book written to date, (as I have yet to publish mine), Dr. Suess's "Oh The Places You will Go."

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...

be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray

or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,

you're off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So...get on your way!

---Dr. Seuss

Thank You and I Love You

2009-06-20T08:12:00.073-05:00

Thank you

and

I love you too!

My father, a man who said it was best to have "Smiling eyes and laughing lips", also taught me "It’s the little things in life that really matter." Bernard, (aka: Bernie, Dad, Professor, Opa and The General), a man who did indeed have 'smiling eyes and laughing lips', was also known to say when speaking of his life, (especially of his four children), “I am blessed!”

On this, my first real Father’s Day without him, (as last year it was just days after his death and too early to even begin to process), I say, “Dad, I was blessed to have had you.”

This post is not intended to be sad, in fact, quite the opposite. For all, who like me, have lost their beloved Dad’s, let us remember today all the love, support and pride they so freely showed us, the knowledge they imparted upon us and the wonderful example they set for us. Today, let us all say “Thank you and I love you.”

Last week, I spoke with a group of CEOs, many of whom stated that their fathers were always working and were rarely there, were alcoholics, suffered from other mental health issues or were just not in their lives at all. They asked me how they could learn to reconcile themselves to the past and create balance to obtain and sustain, a successful business and family life, in the future.

I explained to the group that Positive Adaptation is a way of life; including these three principles: 'Think, Feel and Do’ better, become the best you, you can possibly be and therefore, you will enjoy life to the fullest.

In response to their specific question, my answer was and is, "Be the example you wished you had had. First, you must identify what it is you felt you needed and wanted, however did not get, change this pattern in your own life, now and freely share all this positivity and wisdom with your own children."

For all of you who grieve for the father you never had, let today be a day of celebration for the person you are now becoming and the Dad you can or have become, (the one you wanted and needed yourself). And please, do not forget to hug your children and tell them you love them, often. I guarantee you and your children will feel and be better for having done so.

To all who have become Dad’s to children who have different 'biological' fathers, I salute you! You are a blessing to both the kids and their mothers. You are a great source of love, pride and worldly knowledge that otherwise might not be present in their lives. You give and share so much. Know you are greatly needed and are appreciated.

As Father’s Day is a special day to honor our Fathers/Dads, I believe the best gift I could ever give my father was a big hug and the knowledge that I am, indeed, happy, healthy, being the best I can be and enjoying life to the fullest. Well, Dad, I am proud to tell you, (and the world), I am today and I am teaching my son to Be and Do the same. Thank you for teaching me that even 'late bloomers', can and do eventually blossom and that no matter what, one should never give up on themselves. I know you never lost faith in me and you helped me to have faith in myself too.

Through Positive Adaptation, we can all learn to ‘Think, Feel and Do’ better and enjoy life to the fullest.

Today and everyday, I say “Thank you, Dad. I love you too!"

To learn more about my own father, please read: http://positiveadaptation.blogspot.com/2009/05/rich-full-colorful-life.html This waltz is for you now and always....

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

(Thank you for capturing the moments!)

Enjoy Facing Challenges

2009-06-11T08:25:00.063-05:00

"I live in solutions, not problems. I enjoy the challenge."

~ Victoria Baum

The first sentence of the book "The Road Less Travelled" is "Life is difficult". How difficult depends upon our willingness to adopt a better attitude and use a different set life problem solving skills. Life is not nearly as difficult when we choose to view all problems, (hence forth referred to as situations), as a challenge; an opportunity for positive growth. Facing the challenge of doing so offers us the ability to be the best we can be and live life to the fullest.

There is no mountain too high to climb, whether it be personal or professional. Ergo, there is no situation, however dire it may appear or feel at the time, that we cannot find at least one viable solution to. Utilizing the three principles of Positive Adaptation: 'Think, Feel and Do', will assist you. In fact, rather than shy away from them, you will find yourself enjoying facing challenges. ("You can get it if you really want" -click play button above to listen to the song.)

The first step is to Think of whatever challenge faces you as a puzzle that can and will be solved, rather than an insurmountable problem. Admittedly this step sounds obvious and simplistic, but not so easily done. How we think coming into a situation may very well determine its outcome. Think and believe, "Yes, I can, if I really want to."

When we Feel and believe there will be a positive outcome it is much more likely to occur. When problem solving or facing any challenge, fear is not our ally. Courage, (from the French word for heart, coeur) is required, therefore, we must feel we have it to act with it. One definition of courage I am known to use often, I borrowed from Susan Jeffers: "Courage is being willing to feel the fear and do it anyway".

The third principle of Positive Adaptation, 'Do', is vital as no solution can be found if the challenge of finding one is not met. No matter how much faith we may have, "Faith without works is dead." Merely thinking about and feeling you can climb the mountain does not get you where you want to go, the top! Remember: self esteem grows every time we take positive action.

The principles of Positive Adaptation work for any situation, (formally referred to as 'problem'), whether they be emotional, physical or situational, in nature.

I know this to be true, as I use Positive Adaptation to face my own challenges. Why do I make the decision to live in the solution, because it really is easier and I enjoy the challenge!

Hoping you will learn to as well...

Victoria

Teach Your Children Well

2009-06-06T16:51:00.127-05:00

"Teach your children well. They are on the road and must have a code to live by, and so become yourself....and know I love you."

~ Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

I have chosen to teach my own child: Think, Feel and Do your best and know, no matter what, I love you.

Positive Adaptation is a way of life and the 'code' by which I now live. We learn by example, modeling the attitudes and behaviors of others. This process begins at birth, with ones parents, (then teachers and friends), and continues throughout the life span.

We all want the best for our kids, therefore, "If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves." ~C.G. Jung

To be the best example or role model, it is imperative that we believe in and take good care of ourselves, first. We must act with kindness and respect towards others and maintain a positive attitude and outlook on life. This is the best way I have found to teach my child to be and do the same.

I understand these are high goals to strive for and sound simple in theory. Of course, it is not easy to achieve nor maintain these highest of standards all the time. We are human. The truth is it is impossible to be a 'perfect' anything, let alone the 'perfect' parent, all we can do is our very best.

Here are a few of my own favorite lines, (some I borrowed from my parents), which I now have shared with my son:

- "Accidents happen, but less when you're careful, so try to be more careful next time"

- "Humans, (including me), by definition, are not perfect, that honor is left for the divine, so just we do the very best we can."

- "Mistakes happen, hopefully it will turn out to be a learning experience and therefore, you wont make the same one again"

- "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again"

- "Can you honestly say you have done your best? Then your best has to be good enough."

- "Be grateful for all that you are and all that you have and always, always say thank you for both."

Positive Adaptation works in all areas of life. The principles of PA are applicable to all situations, interactions and relationships; including those related to health, (emotional and physical), academics, athletics, work and finances. Balance is key!

You don't have to merely imagine feeling and doing better and enjoying life more; you can become the catalyst of the positive changes necessary to help create this realty for yourselves and your children. The time to begin is now.

Take a little time to read the posts discussing the 3 core principles, (Think, Feel and Do your best), of Positive Adaptation. These 'how and why" posts may be found archived in February and March, 2009. (Positive Adaptation is wonderful for parenting, however, in no way exclusively intended for.)

After reading, I think you will agree, it is never too early, nor too late, to become the best you, you can be and hence, live and enjoy all that richness life has to offer to the fullest!

Positive Adaptation is a win/win way of life, one which serves both ourselves and our children well in their development, now and in the future. "There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings." ~Hodding Carter, Jr.

I have always told my son, "You are the best" and "The world is your oyster, go, find the pearls". I have said for years, when speaking of him, "I want to grow up to be just like him". I am working on it and getting closer all the time.

"I just want my kids to love who they are, have happy lives and find something they want to do and make peace with that. Your job as a parent is to give your kids not only the instincts and talents to survive, but help them enjoy their lives." ~Susan Sarandon

To being and doing the best we can, for ourselves, our children and everyone else in our lives.

Victoria

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan

"A Rich, Full, Colorful Life"

2009-05-29T15:21:00.093-05:00

My father always said, "I have lived a rich, full, colorful life" and he most certainly did.

This is by far the most difficult post I have written to date. My father was my inspiration. His entire life, Dad lived Positive Adaptation and by example taught me; I merely named it.

I lost my father one year ago, however, this is not a sad post, in fact, quite the opposite. His incredible spirit, joie de vie, (love for life) and what he taught me, (now I hope you), will live on forever.

My father's life was the personification of Positive Adaptation; how we can all Think, Feel and Do 'better', be and do our best and 'enjoy life to the fullest' when we incorporate it as a way of life. "As long as you are breathing, it is never too late", (just one of many 'Dad-isms' I live by, now).

Dad was born in Germany, (1926), just before Adolf Hitler came to power. He was a very happy, rambunctious kid, with many friends and loved his family. One day, after reading Hitler's "Mein Kampf" my grandfather decided it was time to go, leave Germany and go to America. Later, when asked why he was choosing to leave, my grandfather simply stated, "because I have three sons".

My father took a long boat ride and one morning, upon awaking, he saw the Statue of Liberty for the first time. Thus began my father's life long love affair with The United States of America.

At the age of 7, it was decided at Ellis Island, he would no longer be called by his name, Helmut. He had the difficult task of accepting the name Bernard as his own, (an Americanized version of his middle name, Bernhardt). This was just one of many changes which would occur in his life. Dad's positive attitude and uncanny ability to adapt to change served him well then and throughout his entire life of 82 years.

I could never, especially in a venue like this, speak of all of my father's trials and tribulations, more importantly, his successes and joys. Let me just say that the same boy who came to America only nine years earlier became an Eagle Scout at the age of 16. He said that that process truly 'Americanized' him, once and for all. One year later, at 17, Dad enlisted in the U.S Army to go back to Germany to fight to defeat Hitler and may years later, he would retired as a Brig. General from the Army Reserves. As Dad used to say, "Only in America".

'Bernie', as he would later be called was the kind of man that would literally give you the shirt or tie, off his back. I know of several occasions someone would compliment him on a let's say a tie he was wearing. He would respond, "Here, if you would enjoy it, take it" and he would take the tie off and give it to them.

He loved his family, his work as a Professor, being of assistance to others in his community, (the world) and lived each day with "Verstandt", German for a 'great understanding and appreciation of' how fortunate he was. My father was not a saint or perfect. He only tried to do and be his best and because of this, he succeeded much more than he failed. Last, but not least, my father was often heard saying, "I am blessed". All those who knew him felt the same way about having him in their lives.

Although it took me a long time, (I was a late bloomer), I finally got it! Even when it did not look like it, Dad always had faith in me that I would. I have learned to Think, Feel and Do my way into becoming the best I can be, do the best I can do, try to help others, love a lot and enjoy life to the fullest!

I offer this way of living to you, a gift from 'Bernie' and me. Remember, as long as you are breathing, it is not too late. I know he would want you to have this too.

Thanks, Dad. You still are and always will be, the best!

Your loving daughter and student of life,

Victoria

More about Dad and me, coming for Father's Day! (Pics too)

Photo by: Renee Rendler-Kaplan, (Dad loved you too!)

Needs versus Wants-(Basic)

2009-05-25T17:21:00.036-05:00

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Food and water

are needs.

Pre-bottled sparkling

mineral water and caviar

are wants.

In my last post, 'Keep Your Balance - How and Why, I stated:

'When our lives are in balance we feel better, our self esteem and sense of worth is higher, our relationships are at their best and it is here we find our greatest joy and true happiness. This is what living life to the fullest is all about! Positive Adaptation can assist you to: 'Think, Feel and Do'. We can begin by prioritizing, placing in a healthy order, our needs and wants; they are not the same.'

Please, take a look at this chart and Think and Feel each one. Now, I ask you, which are your highest priorities?

I am a clinical counselor and have studied many theories of personality, behavior and life span development. Maslow's theory of a Hierarchy of Needs attempts to prioritize what is basic to survival and what can be achieved well beyond, once they are met. The optimal goal, according to Maslow, is 'Self Actualization', meaning we achieve our best selves, the highest level of personal happiness and fulfillment possible.

I feel sometimes we forget how truly fortunate we are. Think about the fact that there are almost 6.8 billion people living on earth today. Of those, at least 1 billion are at the bottom and likely another 1-2 billion are lucky to achieve Maslow's second level. There are people all over the globe just trying to stay alive. Most of us do not have to worry about our basic, (food, water and shelter), needs, therefore we are free to discover and conquer the rest on up! We ought not to forget how fortunate we are.

With this freedom comes the opportunity and yes, I dare say, responsibility to be the best you can be, help others do the same, find the greatest joy out of life humanly possible and shoot for the top!

Now, off my soap box to offer a few "how to's": We can start out our days Thinking: 'What would I do if I knew I could not fail?'. Feel and believe we cannot and at night, review our days to see what and how we have DOne! If we can honestly say we have done our best, we shall be pleased and rest peacefully.

If we begin each day with our goal to Think, Feel and Do our best, we are sure to find the greatest amount of joy and fulfillment Maslow is describing in his chart, (see image above), and feel grateful for it.

Sometimes bread and water are just fine. Can we not dare to want more? Let us all decide to give it our best to become our best. Positive Adaptation will help lead you there!

To obtaining both our needs and our wants and being grateful when either or both are met!

Victoria

Put Your Mask On First

2009-04-15T20:33:00.028-05:00

Place your oxygen mask

on first......

Have you ever been on an airplane and watched a flight attendant, (or now a video), demonstrate the "oxygen mask procedure"? They always instruct you to place your mask on yourself first before helping anyone else with theirs. Always. They never say, "Of course this is really selfish of you, but hey, what the heck". No, they go on to explain even if you are traveling with your own child, you must put your mask on first so you will be able to help them with theirs.

I used to think to myself, "No way! I am going to help my child first." That is until I really understood the logic and the difference between acting selfishly and practicing self care.

Simply defined, selfish is being concerned only with yourself to the exclusion of others. Self care is being actively concerned about yourself AND others. In practicing self care we are including ourselves in our list of most important people and others will benefit too.

Many of us make attending to the needs and wants of others first a way of life. This just comes naturally to us. Like blinking, we may not even realize we are doing it. We may be born caretakers, worriers, controllers or just innately nurturing. There are times this may prove to be harmful to us, in many ways, if we are not taking care of ourselves.

That is until something happens. We may have feelings which have been building up for a long time. Yet, it seems as if all of a sudden, we experience anger, sadness, resentment, anxiety, frustration, feel completely drained and/or become physically ill. It is only then that we realize we have reached our own breaking point. We have given so much of ourselves to others but not enough to ourselves. As a result, now we 'cannot breathe'. Two of the most commonly used terms to describe this crisis state are "caregiver stress" and "burnout".

If we cannot breathe how much help can we really be to anyone else? We must always remember to put our mask on first so that we can be there for ourselves and others. I came to embrace this way of thinking as not being selfish at all, but rather, participating in my own self care program.

I am a mother, a wife, a sibling, a friend, a volunteer, a blogger and a practicing therapist. I was also the adult child of aging parents, now deceased and openly admit I have suffered from caregiver stress in the past. I have come to understand that to be the best I can be at any or all of these roles, I must take care of myself and allow others to do so as well. If I do not, I will have nothing left to give all of the other important people and situations in my life.

Believing in self care is not selfish. It is the only lasting way to be of service to myself and others.

I hope you will consider putting your mask on first too!

Victoria

Intentions, Actions and Deeds

2009-04-05T07:20:00.057-05:00

"Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds" ~ George Eliot

Is the road to hell paved with good intentions? I say no; that road is paved with 'bad' actions and deeds. Intentions are just thoughts, not actions. As children, we may believe that wishing 'makes it so'. As adults, we know, (wether they be 'good' or 'bad'), thoughts or intentions also require some form of action and deed, to actually 'make it so'.

There are those who believe we are judged solely by our intentions, others, solely by our actions. I believe we must judge ourselves by our intentions, (the thoughts), actions, (the doing part) and deeds, (the accomplishment of having made our intentions a reality). We must do all of these, as this is yet another path on our journey to becoming the best we can be.

Does it ever seem like you feel like one person on the inside but you find yourself acting like someone else on the outside? So then, who are we, really? The answer is we are both! The trick is finding a healthy balance for ourselves. We must determine what that balance is and actively seek it.

Positive Adaptation is about changing how we think, we feel and how we act. We need to practice making positive changes while keeping our balance in all areas. This is simple in concept, but not always easy to accomplish. The good news is: once we make a change in one, simultaneously, we are usually helping to positively change ourselves in other areas.

I believe George Eliot is spot on; our deeds determine who we really are and we determine our deeds. We are responsible for our thoughts, our feelings, and especially, how we transform these into our actions, resulting in the completion of deeds!

With the assistance of Positive Adaptation, we can turn our good intentions into reality, "the deeds that determine us".

Here is to the process and becoming our best selves, inside and out.

Victoria

Crossroads: It's Not Too Late!

2009-03-26T10:42:00.060-05:00

"If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what, (where), you've always gotten."

~ Kenneth Blanchard

We can choose to go in another direction!

"It's never too late to be the person you were always meant to be."

~ Geroge Eliot

In my last post, I wrote about how we all face crossroads, proverbial 'forks in the road', at some point(s) in our lives. It is at these crossroad moments we are called upon to make decisions: stay the course, (probably remain the same, no change), or make adjustments and/or life altering changes to the direction of our lives. It is in these change of directions we often find the most positive results.

I am living proof of what George Eliot said; it is never too late to become the person you are meant to be. It was not to late for me to change directions, (as needed or desired), to continue becoming the person I believed I was meant to be and it is not too late for you either!

I have had several crossroad moments, some more obvious than others and some requiring that I make some sharp turns. One such example: having undergone many vocational tests during and just after high school, the combined results of the tests concluded that I was best suited for either a "helping profession" or becoming an accountant. I chose to become a nurse and had to take Chemistry. I was not good at it, it did not come naturally and I was not 'getting it' at all. I got a tutor, but to no avail.

One day, the professor called me into his office to discuss my 'progress'. At that meeting, he handed me a dime and told me to call my parents to tell them I was not going to going on to nursing school. Apparently, if you could not pass Chemistry, nursing, as a career path, was out. I left school after that and went into the business world. I did become a comptroller, which is like the company accountant, and made a good living.

I was okay with this decision for years. However, as time past, I found myself becoming increasingly unhappy and dissatisfied with my life. I felt and found myself telling popele, "I have plenty of food on the table, but my soul is hungry". It was then that I knew! I needed to make, another, change in my life. But how and in what way?

Even before I had a name for it, I utilized Positive Adaptation. I examined my thoughts and feelings and based on them, I knew I had to do something differently, if I wanted to become 'happier' within myslef and my life.

I believed then, as I still do now, I was meant to be more of a "professional helper". I continued to work while I also went back to school. I majored, as an undergraduate, in Psychology/Neuropsychology. Yes, I had to take Chemistry again, but this time I passed with flying colors!

I went on for my Masters in Counseling and am now a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, in private practice. It was not only doing well in the classes that helped 'change' me, it was all of the support from professors, fellow students, family, friends and my own counseling sessions, where I learned to believe in myself and my path.

Of course, (just as all of you), I have had hardships: breakups to deal with, life style changes, marriage, children and many other crossroad moments. All of these and other life events have required me to make some kind of adjustment or larger changes, in a continuing effort to become the best I can be.

Positive Adaptation has remained my guide; as reminding myself to 'think, feel and do' continues to help me on my journey.

My soul is no longer hungry, (except for more chances to learn and be even more joyful). Why? Because I believe I am doing all I can to become the person I was meant to be.

Please, share some of your crossroad moments. I always enjoy hearing how others, when faced with the signs, decided where and which direction to go in, on their own journey, to becoming who they were meant to be.

Victoria

Crossroads - Part One

2009-03-22T20:01:00.028-05:00

There are crossroads - proverbial 'fork in the road' moments in everyone's life.

At some point in life we are all faced with decisions of 'now what?' Whether they be minor adjustments or potentially life altering changes in the direction of our life, the choices must be made.

The most obvious crossroad moments are usually easily recognizable. However, the more subtle life choices and the effect they have on our lives, may not be fully recognized until long after the moment of decision has passed. Unfortunately, most of us wait until we find ourselves unhappy and/or in enough pain to realize we may have not made the best choice for ourselves.

As children we tend to just act and think later. Decisions appear to get increasingly more difficult with age and as adults, it is important to realize that the decisions we make now will shape our future in the years to come. We do not need to wait until the twilight of our lives to reflect back on the roads chosen or to grasp how they effected our lives. We can choose to look at them right now and change course, where needed.

While it may feel more comfortable to leave crucial life decisions in the hands of fate and faith, the path of least resistance is not always the wisest route. I choose to integrate freedom of choice, self empowerment and yes, fate and faith too, to handle matters of such importance. (I will share some stories of my own personal crossroads - forks in the road, as well as others, in my next post.)

There is not a lot of room for ambivalence, especially when you are unhappy and in pain. Yes, there are times for standing still as to best determine which direction to go. This is when we ought to utilize parts one and two of Positive Adaptation, (think and feel). There are also those times where forward movement is essential and some type of doing or action, (the third part of PA), is required.

As many others have said, "Pain is a great motivator for change". But I ask you, how much pain does it take? My response; not nearly as much as it used to!

We ought to begin to make those 'better' decisions today. We can choose to alter the course or direction of our lives, (those we have the power to), right now, this moment!

With practice, we will choose the paths that ultimately lead us to the positive change we seek in how we think, feel and do. This is the true essence of Positive Adaptation.

I am no longer afraid of the crossroads or forks in the road I will most certainly continue to encounter on the journey of my life. Today, I welcome them and view them as opportunities for more positive change and personal growth.

I wish the same for you.....

Victoria

An Unexamined Life

2009-03-19T05:12:00.014-05:00

"An unexamined life is not worth living

~ Socrates

My father often recited this quote of Socrates to me. I didn't really understand what this meant until much later in life. I now know my father also lived it. In part, this is how Positive Adaptation came to ‘be’ and how I choose to live my own life.

Socrates believed that the real purpose of human life was personal and spiritual growth. He believed we are unable to grow toward greater understanding of our true nature unless we take time to examine and reflect upon our lives. As I have shared in previous posts, (view archived posts), examining our lives leads to the identification of patterns; of thought, feeling and behavior.

How many times have we thought to ourselves we are just too busy with our lives to fully contemplate our own life patterns?

If we do not become aware of these patterns, much of our life may be spent unconsciously repeating what we would prefer not to repeat. Recognizing this fact, we can see that much of the pain and discontent in our lives is avoidable.

We must take the time and make the effort! We ought to stop, reflect and evaluate our life patterns to avoid repeating those that are unhealthy for us and have left us feeling unhappy or dissatisfied. If we do not, how will we ever change and truly enjoy life?

Examining ones’ thoughts and feelings are just the first two parts of Positive Adaptation. The third and equal part of PA involves ‘doing’. Action is required, as it is in the ‘doing’ that we ultimately make the real, sustainable change(s) we need and want to live more fulfilled lives!

To experiencing the change(s) you seek in your own life!Victoria